Sazwonderz

Hey, B&A, just asking for some honest critique on this bit of my novel. Anything you like? Anything you don’t? Any grammar mistakes or other stuff? Just be honest and give me something I can work on in the future. Read a little bit, read it all, please leave a comment, though. Thank you!

(If you need to know a little background, just ask)

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Peering round the door Rune could see Richard walking down the long corridor. Her instincts told her to stay in the room, to act as if the door was still locked. But there was something else that drove her. A feeling of curiosity and bravery, if not stupidity. She took a step. A step outside. Her heart raced and pounded and seemed to explode as she continued to silently walk down the corridor, following Richard cautiously. The walk quickly turned into a brisk trot; she couldn’t be locked out now. Not now. She was given this chance and would not pass it up. No matter how scared she was.

(i) I can't be doing this. It’s pointless. If I’m caught then . . . No! I’m not going to let myself get caught. I told myself I’d find out what happened and I’m not going to stop until I have done so. But – (i)

Her thoughts were brought to a halt as Richard opened a door. It was an unfamiliar door to Rune, but that was expected. She stayed silent, standing behind a wall where the direction of the corridor changed. Rune watched as Richard entered the room using his activation card.

As the door began to close, Rune dashed through using an iron block she found stacked on top of a precarious looking tower as a stopper. There were a few of them down the corridors of The Lab, the only things that didn’t seem to be white. She rolled under a desk, not wanting to be seen. She remained silent. Richard continued through another door, but not before sliding a file into a cabinet.

Rune was left alone.

Okay, this is part of a story I'm writing at the moment. It's in the middle of the second chapter. Could you give me a little critique on what I could improve, or just a little note to say what you think? I'd appreciate it!

Thanks

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Morning.

Rune woke up early enough to see the beginnings of sunrise through her sky light. She rubbed away the hazy coating of sleep that covered her eyes, yawning as she did so. Her stomach tensed a little as she touched it gently from under a white surgery top. The stitch marks felt bumpy as flesh felt flesh, but there was no real pain. Maybe she panicked too quickly. The after effects of whatever anaesthetic she’d taken had virtually worn off and a calm feeling swept across her.

(i) But still, I just want to know what happened. (i)

She closed her eyes. Being stressed wouldn’t solve anything. The initial shock passed, and all that was left were questions – questions that would never be answered.

“In that case, I’ll have to find out myself.” Rune slipped out of bed and walked slowly, heading towards the large door. She slammed her fists against it three times. Nothing happened. She had a great urge to escape. But that door. That door was blocking her from the world. She spoke in a soft whisper, but was loud enough for the door to hear.

“Why am I always kept in the dark? It’s always been like this. Isolation. Secrets. I can’t take it anymore. I am going to find a way out of here. And when I do, I’ll never come back.” There of course was no reply. The inanimate door didn’t know what it was doing. How could it?

Rune gave a small laugh. A small, timid laugh. But a laugh all the same. She wasn't going to live in fear any more. She was going to be free. There was no question about that. She’d snapped and she wasn't going to let the moment pass. The determined Rune never came around for long.

“But where do I begin?”

That question hit home. She couldn’t merely jump into this mission without a plan. That would be moronic. She knew The Lab wasn't guarded on the inside, but it didn't need to be. Nobody stepped into The Redenal Laboratory; they couldn’t get past the electric fence that circled the perimeter. The task would be impossible unless they were in a possession of a master activation card, and for anyone living outside The Lab, getting one was an inconceivable mission. Even with a standard activation card, when someone was entering The Lab, access had to be granted from the inside by Richard himself.

Appearance

- Medium length, black hair, quite wild looking

- Dark brown eyes, virtually black, so dark there is a royal blue outline on the iris

- Race, Black

- Not slim, but not fat, she likes to eat

Personality

- Very confident

- Will help out a friend in need

- Over dramatic, often making an emotion OTT to excessive levels

- Very loyal to her friends, but horrible to her enemies

- An excellent hacker

- Can eat for the earth, often eating a lot of her friend's food

(she isn't the protagonist)