Kassie

I took it up bartending a couple years out of college after moving across the country to a ski town (I was disillusioned with my day job and dying for adventure), and soon worked my way up to bar manager at a major resort. I did that for five years, then felt it was time to move on and relocated to a new city with my boyfriend.

We stopped at a bar in between apartment showings on our third day here and got to chatting with the manager. I walked out with a job. Three months later, I landed a position as a copywriter for a beer company. It's great. I studied journalism/prof writing in college and have been freelance writing on the side for years now, so it feels like my two careers have finally become one!

Now over a year later, I've been promoted and have been putting in crazy hours during the COVID-19 pandemic. I've also been doing tons of freelance writing to help make up for my bf losing his job during this. I did try quitting my bartending job last summer, but they literally begged me to come back part-time. I did. Now they are reopening for take-out. I made it clear I can't work any weekday shifts at this time, so they scheduled me for weekends (11am to 8pm). I'm already so exhausted and don't want to do it, yet I feel bad. I know how hard it is to get reliable people in food & bev, and the owners are so nice. I also feel like I owe them since they gave me a job when I was new here. Still, I want-- no, NEED-- to quit. How do I so nicely yet effectively? 

My boyfriend of a year left me a few months ago for another girl. I was very much in love with him and was left more heartbroken than I ever imagined was possible. I ve very recently begun dating a guy who is wonderful and overall more compatible with me than my ex was. And overall, the sex is way better too! I like him, but I m also feeling confused because I m not feeling the mind-blowing excitement and happiness that I felt when I first began dating my ex. I admit that I m scared of getting hurt again, but I m not sure if this is what s getting in the way. One issue though is that I still work with my ex and am friendly with him, and my new guy is actually friends with him too thanks to their mutual other friendships. I don t actually want to get back together with my ex at this point and I do realize how much better off I am outside of that relationship, but I do still feel a pang of hurt when his new girlfriend (the one he left me for) gets brought up in conversation. I just wish I now felt that same crazy spark I felt back then because this new guy is seriously great. Any opinions on the matter would be appreciated!

I wish I could write out the full details but I can t stop crying enough to do so. My heart is just shattered to pieces. I never thought anyone could break my heart this badly. It s been weeks since he broke my heart and even I m shocked that my feelings just keep getting worse and worse. I have to work with him, and he s with someone else now. In addition to being my boyfriend he was my best friend too. I ve never felt this strongly about anyone else. How do I stop feeling things? Please help. It hurts so bad :(

I asked my boyfriend of 6 months to drive me to the airport tomorrow morning (just for the record I've driven him back and forth twice now and he's done it for me once before). He said he would. Then later at work this evening he became visibly dismayed when I reminded him what time we needed to leave (7:30 a.m.-- I DID tell him that when I first asked him). He then asked if I still wanted him to drive me and asked if there was anyone else who could. I told him that since it was already approaching midnight (we work in catering so our shifts often run late) that at this point the only other option would be for me to get up extra early and drive there myself and subsequently pay for parking. He then said he was planning on going and hanging out with some friends tonight and most likely drinking, but he would "try" to get to my house in time to drive me in the morning. I told him that since driving myself means I have to leave extra early, I really need to know for sure. He told me he'll be here in time, but I'm just not so sure he'll make it because he often has difficulty getting up in the morning-- especially after a night of partying with friends!!

I'm also just feeling very hurt because I don't feel like a priority to him. Am I being ridiculous or is he a jerk?

Help! I'm 25 years old (almost 26) and normally a very level-headed girl. But lately I've been having strong feelings towards a coworker (and good friend) who is five and a half years younger than me. He's only 20 years old, but I find him devastatingly handsome and we seem to click on so many levels. And it really feels like the feeling is mutual-- we text each other all the time and when we hang out alone (something that has been happening more often lately), we can talk for hours and hours.

But I've never dated someone younger than me before, and I'm worried that I'm too old for him. Just some opinions on the matter would be greatly appreciated!

I was born in Manhattan, spent my early childhood in Brooklyn and spent the rest about an hour just south of Staten Island in NJ. I even went to college in NJ and interned in New York.

Now at 23, most of my friends are moving into the city, while the others have all gone down to Philly or up to Boston. A couple have even gone down to D.C. and Baltimore. I'm a writer (not an aspiring one-- this is how I actually make a living), and I would love to transition into TV and/movie writing. So, I feel like as far as the east coast goes, my only real option in New York.

The benefits are that it has tons of opportunities and plenty of stuff to do 24/7. It's the biggest city in the country after all, and I know it well and have plenty of friends there. It's my home city.

But at the same time, I'm incredibly bored with it. Every time I walk around, it feels so much like "been there, done that..." I also HATE the cold, and in the city everything is made so much worse because of all the concrete and cold buildings (the happiest winter I ever had was when I was studying abroad in Costa Rica and skipped out on all the snow back home!). I like this area a lot in the summer, but I still don't love it. A lot of my friends are in that annoying phase too where when we're out they just start to gush and say, "I LOVE New York! I LOVE being here!" And I just nod, but inside I just don't feel the same way. I remember one time a friend of mine was going on an "I Love New York" binge, and all I could think about was how the past three blocks smelled very strongly of garbage (this is very common in New York, at least in Manhattan, the Bronx and parts of Brooklyn).

So, I have turned my sights on LA. I love the weather there and the beach. Unfortunately, that's about all I know about it. When I told my friends here that I am interested in moving there, they just got horrified looks on their faces and said things like "But there's so many homeless people!" I find this statement to be very ironic, since they are blind if they don't see all the homeless people in New York. Heading back to Penn Station one night, I walked down an entire block of people in tattered clothes curled up on the sidewalk. Seriously, they were all back to back, and there must have been over a hundred of them. I am aware that California has a lot of homeless people in general, but it isn't like we're free of the problem ourselves.

Anyway, LA excites me, but it also scares me. I don't want to end up in the company of a bunch of failed actors bemoaning their lives. I realize that I could always fail myself, but I know that I can always go back to doing the kind of writing I do now. I'm also very worried about making friends in general, as unlike New York I don't already have friends who live there. Basically, I have tons of good friends around here and am always busy on weekends, but I have nobody out there. And, I always hear things about how hard it is to make real friends in LA.

In all honesty though, my biggest reason for moving out there is not even career-related; I just need a change, and the longer I stick around here the grumpier I feel. In a way, I also feel like New York is too easy, too comfortable a location for me. I'm really scared, but I'm also intrigued by the idea of putting myself outside my comfort zone.

Most of all, I'm worried that I'm wasting my youth while trying to make this decision. Help!

So, two years ago in college I spent a semester studying abroad. I became very close to the people I was with. We are from all over the U.S. and have different backgrounds, but most of us still talk and keep in touch to this day. Anyway, while we were still abroad we said that if/when we got married, we would invite everyone in our group (there's only 11 of us) as a means of being able to reunite and further keep in touch.

Well, one of the girls in our group got engage a year ago. Several months ago, she asked for everyone's addresses, which I (and others) assumed was for the invitations. We were all very excited about it, because some of us haven't seen each other since we went abroad. I met up with some people a couple months ago actually, and we were all talking about it and wondering when we were going to get invitations. Anyway, I just found out today that she got married yesterday! Without inviting any of us, not even the one other person from our group who lives in her state! I'm happy for her marriage of course, but I can't help but feel hurt. I'm wondering if part of it was because she's really religious and several of us are not, or if maybe there was another reason. Either way, I'm not mad, but I am hurt by this. I guess I would have understood if she didn't have the money to pay for our seats at the reception or whatever, but shouldn't she have at least explained this or let us know that she was unable to invite us for whatever other reason? Why would she even bother to ask for our updated addresses if she wasn't planning on inviting us? Why would she even announce to us that she was getting married in the first place if she didn't want to see us there?

I want her to know that I'm hurt by not being invited, but I don't want to cause any ill feelings. So, should I just hold my tongue and keep my emotions in? Should I just not bring it up at all the next time we talk?

Now just to clear any questions up, I'm a straight woman who doesn't normally get Playboy magazines, but I will read it occasionally when they have articles I'm interested in (like last month's interview with JJ Abrams and 20Q with Peter Dinklage).

ANYWAY, I recently came across part of the Marge Simpson piece online, and I thought it was hilarious. I just can't believe I missed that issue! I'm a huge fan of The Simpsons, and I'd love to own that issue just as a collector's item. So far though, I've been unable to find any part of their website that lets you order back issues. I guess this is understandable, since no publication keeps a lot of old issues laying around that they'll just sell to people like me, but does anyone know if there is a way to get a copy? I'm not entirely opposed to a "used" one, but obviously I would like one in the best condition possible.

I've just been offered a job in Washington D.C.. I graduated from college in May, and I've wanted nothing more than to move out of my parents' house since then. I am excited, but I'm also very intimidated because I now have less than two weeks to find an apartment in D.C., and I have no idea which areas are good and bad. I also am not able to spend over 1,000 a month on rent, so I would very much like to have a roommate to cut down costs, but I don't know where to find a good one quickly.

I guess I'm mainly just intimidated because it is a new city to me. I was born in Manhattan and have spent most of my life just outside of New York in New Jersey (I even went to college in Jersey), so I'm used to urban living. I know New York like the back of my hand, and I think I'm scared of D.C. because even though it isn't nearly as big, I don't know it at all and don't know anyone there. I'm worried I'll find an apartment in a bad area and not even know it.

I suppose I'm just ranting now though... anybody ever been in a similar situation and have some advice?

I'm not talking about number of votes (I know Washington was the only one unanimously elected anyway), and I'm not talking about who is popular among people in modern times (we like Lincoln now, but there were tons of Americans who didn't support him during his time). Rather, I'm asking which president had the highest approval rating during his term?

I'm asking out of sheer curiosity. Being born in 1990, I've grown up seeing a president take us to war over oil, a president impeached, a president take us to two wars at the same time while spying on American citizens and breaking the law, and a president who has not kept some of his biggest promises. Now that another election is coming up, it looks like once again the choice is going to be between two not-so-great choices. So, again, who exactly was the president with the highest approval rating? I'm just wondering if there was ever actually a really, really good one.

So I'm a 22-year-old woman, and by this point in my life several people have told me that I don't really have a "girl" sense of humor. I don't really think traditional "guy humor" like farts and stuff, is really that funny, but as far as TV shows go the ones I love are apparently far more popular with guys. For example, I absolutely love South Park, The Simpsons, Archer, Louie, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, etc. Meanwhile, I find 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'Gilmore Girls' reruns mind-numbingly irritating if not boring. Don't even get me started on the Food Network! I abhor cooking! As far as movies go, I like some chick flicks (good ones, like Bridesmaids) but for the most part refuse to spend money on that crap. The only comedy I was interested in seeing this summer was 'Ted'. Concerning other genres, I'm really into action and sci fi, if that says anything.

Mind you, I'm not particularly bothered by any of this (after all, the last guy I dated loved this about me) but I am curious to see if there are other women out there whose pop culture preferences are more aligned with those of men. I have a lot of female friends (I was even in a sorority in college), but I just can't seem to get into 'their' movies and shows.

Thoughts?

I never dated in high school due to a variety of factors, including the fact that when all my friends started dating in middle school, my parents consistently expressed unease and said they were too young (which subsequently made me avoid dating then, causing me to never develop a love life in high school because I was among the same people as middle school. Make sense?)

Once I moved away to college, things changed. I really came out of my shell and gained tons of friends and even started dating people (at one point I had two guys interested in me at the same time!) Nothing ever lasted long due to some of my lingering insecurities along with my extremely busy schedule, but it still felt great and very liberating.

Having graduated in May with over $80,000 in student loans, I'm back living at home with my parents until I can get a much better job (the one I have now only pays $22,000 a year :/). I desperately want to move out for a variety of reasons, and one of them is definitely the fact that I have no love life again. I work at a job where most of the other employees are women, and I'm always out of the office anyway because I'm a journalist and need to be on location. I go out with my friends on weekends, but I live on the Jersey shore, and much as I hate to admit the stereotypes are true, there's way too many bennys, guidos and assholes around here, and I'm not into that type of guy at all! Besides, even if I did go out on a date, my parents are just so damn awkward about this stuff that it would be near impossible to have him come to my house (I'm a triplet, and I've seen how they've acted around my siblings' dates, the few that they've had). I wish I was back in school where I didn't even have to tell anyone I was going on a date if I didn't want to, I could just go! Now it's everywhere I go, regardless of whether or not it's a date, I have to let my parents know.

And please don't tell me to move out. Trust me, if I was able to do that at this point, I would have done it already! Hell, if I had known before going to college that my parents didn't have any money saved up for it (and I've been working constantly since age 14, so that's the only reason I owe $80,000 rather than more), I probably would have held off college for a bit, or gone to community college for two years rather than straight to a four-year state school. Yes, I went to a state school and I still owe this much! The cost of living in NJ really sucks!

Sorry, I'm just ranting I guess.

So yesterday I graduated from college with a BA in Journalism and Professional Writing. For a very long time now, I have been strongly considering joining the military. The thing is, I don't really want to go in as an officer. Part of this is because I don't think I would be able to put together a very strong application (I have great leadership experience, but not any good references, and my GPA is only 3.45). I'm also unsure if I would really enjoy being an officer that much over enlisted (seems to be far more administrative than active responsibilities, and I want to DO things). Additionally, public affairs officers, which is what I would become, are not in high demand so I've been told. I want to become an MC in the Navy or the equivalent in the Air Force (nothing against the other branches, I just like the people I've met overall in the Navy and Air Force). I understand this can be a difficult job to get, but I know I would be well-suited for it, particularly because of my degree. I also haven't been able to stop thinking about this for months now, and I feel a certain need to do it. Still, would I just be wasting my time? I also have a ton of student loans (parents didn't save any money, and even though I've been working since age 14 I've had other expenses to take care of over the years). While paying them off isn't at all a primary reason for me to join the military, the sheer amount of them is of concern to me.