nighteam

My youngest has been diagnosed with an inherited condition that could be life threatening if not properly treated. Looking at her medical records and reports from the adoption agency we did not find it as a condition listed by her first parents. We are in a closed adoption, would it be best to inform them of the risks for their other children (not sure if there are other children) through the state or adoption agency?

We adopted two girls in the last three years, both with special needs. Our extended families live in another state and we see them once or twice a year. When we adopted our oldest my wife's family were a little withdrawn but came to love her and accept her as time went on. However the other grand kids who live in the same community never have their birthdays forgotten and are dotted on with gifts and time. Since we adopted our second child her family has not come to visit and makes excuses as to why they can not come that turn out to be not true. Namely, there was no one to watch the other grand kids, though mom was not working. We found out later her parent's took the other grand kids and their family to Disney Land.

Now that our youngest is having more medical problems my wife's family refuses to talk with her about our kids and basically has been saying we took too much on and don't want to hear about anything that is happening. We are both well trained and comfortable dealing with any medical issues that arise, though some of the issues we were not expecting.

My side of the family accepts our kids, though they are a further distance away they are willing to drop their jobs and be here to help support us in a matter of days. They also continually ask and receive updates on how they are doing.

My wife is asking me what she should do to get through to her parents. Basically she wants to ask them what they would do if the other grand kids had severe medical problem if they would stop wanting to know about them and stop being around them. I doubt this would be of consequence to them and am wondering if there are any other ideas on how to get through to them.

What do you tell your child when they ask about their birth parents? Should we tell her that her birth family was just not able to care for her or do we get into some of the more specifics, that when they brought her home from the hospital they abused her to the point it is a miracle she is alive.