Calm

..new house when you first moved in? When I moved in my second house a few years back it was a new construction and in the wee hours of the night it sounded like someone was trying to break in from the deck area. I went downstairs one night about 2am and put all the lights on but no one was there. I referred to my new-home handbook....and wala! It did mention about settlement noises....turns out my neighbors was scared silly as I was too! Did anyone of you have similar experience?

...farts? That made you wide awake and can't fall back to sleep???? YIKES!

....step away from in front of the dart-board?

....resolutions yet?

Mine is: I intend to cut out all my old habits and start new ones! :)

Wherever you travel to or with whomever you spend your holiday with, be safe, merry and drink responsibly!......Most importantly stay CALM! :)

...HUG? It's Christmas time so let's share the love....here goes....I'm starting the group hug.....ah wann...ah two...ah three....hugggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

...woke yourself up and said "Who?...Wha was dat?"

...naughty or good? Would Santa be generous or would he pass your house?

School:

A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

Life Insurance:

A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:

A banker provided by nature.

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce:

Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary:

A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic:

Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:

The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist:

A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway 'See I am not injured yet.'

Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

...in correcting someone's grammar or spelling on Y/A when we all can understand the asker's question?

Have you guys heard it is now taboo in most places for 'Santa' to say "Ho Ho Ho" ????...and the elves cannot say "Hi Ho...Hi Ho".???......because it is deemed deragotary towards women??? What's your thoughts? I think the world has gone mad!

...is talking to you and keeps using the phrase 'you know' after about every other five words??? Say for instance you ask a question....they answer....but keep adding in "you know"??

Well heck if "I knew" I would't be asking right? Aaaarrrrrrrrgggggggg...that gets me angry....and that's outta my CALM character.

then shut the lights off to go up to bed...do you run up the stairs because you think the ghouls are gonna get you??

I got a violation notice for making a harmless response like the following. Has Yahoo gone mad???

"Question: When did Christians that can't spell, use poor grammar, can't do math, and misunderstand science...?

Question Details: suddenly become experts in religion? Or does one imply the other? I was asking about the Christians that can't spell, etc. I wasn't implying that they all can't. "

This was my answer:

"He he he he heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...this is some funny shyte!"

....fart while going through the isles in the supermarket when no one else is in the isle ...then you hurry around to the next isle so no one would associate the noise and stink with you???

....weird noises when you're alone....say in an elevator ...or you're alone at home?....or driving in your car with the windows up?

...Everyday the leaves on a tree doubles....if in 33 days the tree is completely loaded with leaves, when was the tree half loaded with leaves?

You have to measure exactly 4 gallons of water in an empty ten-gallon drum but, you have a five-gallon, six-gallon and three-gallon container with the ten-gallon drum.

How do you measure the four gallons needed?

.....when you pull up next to a car with a dog hanging out the window.....pretend to be looking straight ahead and let out a big "ROWF" to get the dog going????

This ever happen to any of ya?.......ever felt like you have to go do a strong number 2....you rush to the bathroom.....sit down and then all you do is fart like thunder??....Doesn't that drive you nuts??