cyberdoc

A respectable English lady on landing at Sydney airport was facing the immigration inspector.

He asked 'Do you have any criminal records?'

She exclaimed 'Oh my, do we still need a criminal record to come to Australia?'

This time President Bush did it again.. Put his foot in his mouth, I mean.

He says people in India and China are eating more so the prices of food stuff have increased.

Does he want all those people stop eating so that the food prices in America come down?

I want to get in touch with an aggressive and reliable freelance marketing person for medical transcription.

The pages seemed to be 5 hours old. No new questions. So I thought I would try posting and see if it is working.

Last answer to say 'yes' or 'no' would get 10 points.

I have an IPod Nano. It was working fine. Recently I downloaded the software update. Immediately after the update, the player shutdown. I just could not turn it on. What happened?

I asked my wife while were to go to a party. She was sitting in front of the mirror putting on make-up.

"I will finish in 5 minutes, I have been telling you that - since an hour" she said.

The girl who was worried that she might be pregnant walked in to the doctor's room.

'I missed my periods, and I am worried I might be pregnant.' said the girl.

The doctor said 'please take off your clothes and lie down on the bed' without lifting his head from his papers.

The girl said 'not again, it all happened with those words'.

Jooves the buttler enters the bedroom without knocking. The mistress was furious. She shouts 'you should always enter the room after knocking, what if I was undressed?'.

Jooves replies 'you don't have to worry madam, I always peep through the door and wait for you to finish before I enter your room.'

Well --- the last one to answer will get 10 points! That will be the best answer.

The girl goes to a marriage consultant.

She says 'I would like to marry a guy who is as intelligent as Eistein, as rich as Bill Gates, as gorgeous as Brad Pitt, should help at house work, be romantic and God fearing".

The consultant considers the girl and asks "finding that sort of a man may be possible, but what have you got offer to that man?"

Girls... be realistic!

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These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

James comes home early from his office and catches his wife in bed with his best friend.

He moans and asks 'Hey Bob, I have to -- because I am married to her, but why you???'

A painter enquired with the gallary manager if anyone showed interest in his paintings.

The manager answers "I have good news and bad news".

The painter says "Give me the good news".

The manager replies " The buyer enquired if your paintings appreciate in value after your death and he bought all 20 of your paintings after I said yes."

"Give me the bad news." says the painter.

The manager replies "It was your doctor."

The party was going full blast. Everyone was having fun except Dr. Jones. Casual acquaintances usually pester him with their arthritis, weight, stomach pain or insomnia. Tired of people pestering him during these informal parties the doctor complained to his lawyer friend Mr. Jackson about it.

Mr. Jackson advised "whenever anyone asks for a free consultation, tell them to strip and lie down."

That really worked. After Dr. Jones asked a few pests to strip and lie down, no one else approached him with their complaints later in the evening.

The next day the good doctor received a bill from Mr. Jackson for $ 100. Attached is a note 'I too face the same problem as you in parties, and I collect my consultation fee'.

As customary at that time he fits in a chastity belt to his queen.

He hands over the key to his trusted servant and gives specific instructions to safeguard it with his life, and not to give the key to anyone. Then he rides away with his army to war.

Even before the king crosses the moat, the servant comes running to the king. He shouts 'my lord, you gave me the wrong key!'

Star if you find it funny?

That's why it's called heaven!

a new bar started to open up their business in a building. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening, with petitions and prayers. Work progressed, however, right up till the week before opening, when a lightning struck and the building along with the bar burned down to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was, thorugh its prayers and congregations, ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the demise of the building, in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

Every day I delete about 20 emails coming from as many countries. The senders all want to give me money. Some are widows of warlords, despots, presidents or ministers. Some are managers or banks wishing to divert funds from some dead account holder. Some claim that they traced my 'roots' and I was the lost descendent of a very rich person.

So, all of them want to give me money. When I reply them to send a thousand dollars/pounds as a starting point, they never reply!

The question is - how do these scams work? Do they think us morons to be taken in?

Leave alone that, what do the scamsters gain by getting our personal details like email, phone number etc..?

What happens if you microwave these things?

1. A grape.

2. A spoon.

3. A cup of mik.

4. An egg.

===

10 points to the one who gives the first correct answers to all the four.

He was smitten by love bug the first time he saw Jane.

The first week he sent her a dozen flowers.

The second week he sent her a chocolate box.

The third week he asked her to the movies, and they had a good time.

The fourth weem he took her out to dinner at Ritz and they had a great time.

The fifth week he took courage to ask her to spend the weekend with him. So they spent the night at his apartment. They had a good time in the bed. It all went so beautifully till...

the morning when she said 'that would be hundred bucks'.

That's when he jumped out of the window.

Why?

The ambassador Mr Bates was newly appointed and was introduced to the President by his secretary.

'Mr. President, meet Mr. Jason Bates, the ambassador from Transylvania.'

The President replies "Welcome Mr Bates, I hope you will help our both countries to increase commerce and cooperation'.

Mr. Bates replies "Thank you Mr President, I would try my level best to get our countries together,"

Mr. Bates says "Mr. President, meet my wife Mrs. Bates".

President "Welcome Mrs. Bates."

Mr. Bates introduces their son "Mr President, my son Master Bates."

President :" No, please stop him, he is too young for that!".

What does the president mean?

The ambassador Mr Bates was newly appointed and was introduced to the President by his secretary.

'Mr. President, meet Mr. Jason Bates, the ambassador from Transylvania.'

The President replies "Welcome Mr Bates, I hope you will help our both countries to increase commerce and cooperation'.

Mr. Bates replies "Thank you Mr President, I would try my level best to get our countries together,"

Mr. Bates says "Mr. President, meet my wife Mrs. Bates".

President "Welcome Mrs. Bates."

Mr. Bates introduces their son "Mr President, my son Master Bates."

President :" No, please stop him, he is too young for that!".

What does the president mean?