Maggs

I'm looking to change my phone to either a Blackberry Curve 8520 or a Sony Ericsson X8 on a pay monthly package. At present I have a Sony Ericsson K800i on pay as you go. I just can't decide! I'm not too worried about music and the camera on the Sony is better which would suit me, but other than that I don't know! I have found the K000i reliable and easy to use so should I stick to something I know?

I'd be grateful for opinions from anyone who has or has had either.

We have a friendly chicken on the yard where I keep my horse. She lives well on the horse feed etc and spends all day scratching around and doing what chickens do. Tonight however I saw her with a mouse which she had killed by bashing it on the ground. After a few minutes she swallowed it whole. Is this normal for a chicken? I didn't think they were meat eaters.

My daughter is 18 and brings home approximately £650 per month. I bring home a little less. She refuses to make a contribution to the housekeeping, saying that after paying for her car etc, she's only left with about £250 for the month. However, she expects me to pay the bills and feed her, saying "you shouldn't have had me then" when I said I couldn't afford to keep her. How can I get through to her? I have increased my working hours a little, but nearing 60 and having been diagnosed with Osteo-Arthritis of the hip, I don't want to take on too much more. Any ideas please?

I have a camcorder that uses tape. I can't afford a new camcorder and this one has hardly had any use anyway, but is it possible to transfer what has been filmed onto a disc? If so, how do I do it, or am I best taking it to somewhere like Jessops?

As I was waiting to cross the road, a car approached me and the driver was looking down. As the car passed me I could clearly see that the driver was texting. They were approaching a junction and looked up just in time to see that there were several cars waiting to turn onto a main road. What, if anything, would you have done?

My council is very kindly fitting me a new kitchen and they said that if I wanted to replace my old cooker, they would install the new one for me. I have now been without a cooker for 5 days as they haven't got round to it yet. I have a microwave, but only really use it for ready meals, scrambled eggs etc.

As I can't do a nice roast on Sunday, what can I do in the microwave? I have chicken, beef mince, carrots, mushrooms, potatoes and frozen veg to hand and I can pick up anything else at work tomorrow. Any suggestions would be welcome, as long as they are idiot proof.

I would like to see a Brit win, but other than that, I find the whole thing a tad tedious. And for two weeks!

It's body is green with a little yellow on it's back, just above the tail which is short. It has a red head and a long beak around 1.5"- 2"inches long and is a little larger than a thrush. I see this bird along a river bank and I quite often see two of them together. Is it a Kingfisher? All the pictures I've seen show a Kingfisher which is more blue/green. So I'm confused!

They give the call sign for the flight before commencing their broadcast, but sometimes they say the call sign and then the word "heavy". What is the significance of "heavy"?

Have you been before? What is it like, atmosphere etc? This will be the first time for me and I'd like to know what other people have thought of the event.

Took my dad shopping the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours, green, red, orange and blue.

My dad kept staring at him.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response.

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son"

Where the picture or photo should be they just get the dreaded red cross!! Do i need to alter anything to do with my account and if i do, could you explain step by step please? I have Outlook Express.

One day God said to Noah, "Noah me old mucker, i'm thinking about having you build me another ark". Noah says to God, "Yes Boss, anything you say"

God:"Right, these are the specifications. First of all, i want it to be 20 decks high"

Noah: "Crikey, that'll take some doing, but you're the Boss"

God: "Next, instead of animals, this time i want it filled with fish"

Noah;" Fish? Are you sure Boss?"

God, " Yep, and they must all be carp"

Noah; " All carp, nothing else?"

God: "Wall to wall, floor to ceiling, carp"

Noah: "Okay Boss, it's up to you"

God: " Yep, this time i want a multi storey carp ark".

I'm changing my phone and i'm thinking about getting the Sony Ericsson K800i. It seems to have all that i want with regards to camera and music etc. Before i go ahead and spend what to me is a large amount of money, can anyone give me their opinion of this model, or is there another i should consider?

Thanks in advance.

The one that really got on my nerves was the one for Morrisons where Lulu is pushing her trolley down the street on the way to the supermarket. And on the way she passes a family sitting down to eat their Christmas lunch! Does that mean that they were early or was she late??

Paddy and his wife were lying in bed one night trying to get to sleep, but next door's dog was continiuosly barking and keeping them awake.

Two hours later the dog was still barking so Paddy said "Oi've had enough of this" and he got up and went downstairs.

On his arrival back in the bedroom his wife said, "I don't know what you've done but the dog is still barking". Paddy said " I know love but i've put him in our garden now so we'll see how they b***** well like it".

I woke very early one morning

The earth lay cool and still

When suddenly a dickie bird

Perched on my window sill

He sang a song so sweetly

So carefree and so gay

That slowly all my troubles

Began to drift away

He sang of far off places

Of laughter and of fun

It seemed his very trilling

Brought up the morning sun

I stirred beneath my duvet

Crept slowly out of bed

Then went and closed the window

And crushed his b***** head.

I'm just not a morning person.

No birds were hurt during the writing of this poem.

Arriving home late at night after a boys night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom and still having the guts to ask, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

But in the same situation, the Scots will support any team EXCEPT England. Is it just that we are better sportsmen??

I was driving up to the junction when i heard a car in the rear. This guy got out and would you believe, he was a ruddy DWARF. He said "I AM NOT HAPPY". I said "WHICH ONE ARE YOU THEN?" And that's how the fight started.