Shar B

My husband has been sleeping on the couch at night for the past several nights, holding the puppy so that it will go to sleep. I say put the dog in his pen and let it howl through the night. Am I right? Any suggestions?

Seven years ago I divorced my husband of 34 years. It was a tough decision, but after years of emotional neglect and pain I made the decision and divorced him. I am now remarried and happy. My youngest daughter, age 35, is struggling with my divorce and remarriage. In the past, I have stayed at her home for several days visiting her and my young granddaughter and enjoyed our visit. When she comes to my city, where her father also lives, she stays with him for a week and spends a few hours with me and nothing more. This hurts me because I love her so much and would like to spend more time with her and my granddaughter. It's so obvious that she hasn't forgiven me. I sent her a letter asking for her forgiveness. She sent me a text message 2 weeks later saying she received my letter and was thinking about how to respond. How do I proceed with our relationship? Will this be a matter of time and patience?

Since your belief is that Heavenly Father was once a man like us on an earth like ours, I have learned that He died and then went to heaven. That being the case, my question is, who was Heavenly Father's father? Also, why is this not spoken about when taking the lessons with the missionaries? This was a doctrinal teaching I stumbled upon during my studies in the past with the Mormons.

My husband and I are both Christians. Recently my husband lost his job after working for the company for one year. He is desperately trying to find work and we are cutting back on expenses and quickly depleting our savings. This weekend my husband held a garage sell in order to get some cash to pay bills. We both prayed and asked God to allow us to have a successful garage sale or a least sell one item that would generate enough money to help us pay some bills. We are both grateful for what we have and do not live a lavish lifestyle. We are trying to survive. Would you believe that not one person bought anything from his garage sale? His prices were reasonable. Why would God not motivate one single person to purchase an item to help us? We put forth the effort, (believe me! Putting a garage sell together is hard work!) and got nothing in return accept a loss of $25.00 for the ad we put in the paper. Since God can move mountains if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, why wouldn't he move a person's heart to purchase an item to help us in our financial crisis? I don't get it. What is God trying to tell us? That we need to pray harder? We aren't asking God to take away our problems nor pay our bills. We are putting forth great effort and asking him to help us here a little. Why would he not answer a simple request as this?

We rescued a dog less than a year old. Someone had dropped her off at my husband's place of work. She's a sweet dog with a good disposition. I let her out first thing in the morning to do her business and then bring her inside the house. We put her back outside from around 3- 7 p.m. daily. When she comes into the house, after settling down she will invariably go either into my husband's office (if the door is left open) and pee or poop. If the door is closed she will go into the kitchen and do her business on my rug in front of the sink, or poop in the corner of the kitchen where I have a large plant growing. It doesn't matter how long she's been outdoors nor how often I place her outside, she will still resort to doing her business in our house. I'm continually cleaning up after her and noticing house odors. Does anyone know the reason why she is doing this and can anyone give me some advise on how to train her to do her business outdoors? Will she have to become a permanent outdoor dog from now on? Help!

Many of you will recall my dilemma with my 36 year old step son. He's an addict and an alcoholic and has threatened me and my animals and my husband has been in huge denial. It has almost ruined our marriage. Well, thanks to all of you who so kindly answered my question for advice, I can now say that the step son is now out of our home at my husband's urging. He picked up the phone, called his son and told him he couldn't come back. He also told the son that he and I will together clean out the garage rather than waiting till hell freezes over for the son to do it. Thanks everyone who hung in there with me, encouraged me, and offered some very well thought out advice. I applied it and it worked! I hope that from this day forward my husband and I can rebuild our shattered relationship and restore some trust and order. Thanks everyone and for those few of you who asked me whether or not I was doing my best as a Christian wife and following the Bible's admonition, I just want to say that it still never fails to amaze me that just like Adam, some of you men out there still want to put it all on the woman when things go wrong. May I remind you that it was God who told Eve after Adam ate from the fruit she gave him, "...and your husband will Dominate you." No truer words have been spoken. Peace and blessings to all of you!

I have a 2003 PT Cruiser limited. I bought it used in 2006. It's been a great car with no problems until recently. It started out that my fog lights would stay on although I turned my lights off. When I turned the blinker switch to the down position then the fog lights would turn off so I suspected perhaps a short in a wire. If I didn't turn the blinker switch down then I would wake up the next day to a dead battery. So now the fog lights do not stay on. Good? Bad, because now the engine light comes on and stays on the entire time I drive and now a new thing has come into play. Sometimes I will go out to the car to drive somewhere and the car won't start. The engine sounds like it's trying to turn over but won't. If I wait anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 minutes the car will then start up. The other day I went to the Mall. Car started right up. Came back after shopping, the car wouldn't start. One hour later my husband went to retrieve the car and it started right up. Most recently was yesterday. I drove to the movie theater, no problem. After the movie, went to the car and it wouldn't start. Called AAA to come and tow me and after 20 minutes of waiting I thought, "Go try it again and guess what? The car started right up. I just had a new fuel pump installed thinking that was the problem. Engine light still comes on. Could this be due to a short in the steering column somewhere? I changed gas stations and started using gas treatment like STP. What's going on???

My husband just grabbed his car keys and headed out the door, slamming it behind him. We are at an impasse regarding his 36 year old son. He's been at our home for 2 months when it was supposed to be 2 weeks to come and clean up the garage mess he left from his last stay. The son is addicted to meth and alcohol. (FYI) Last week the son left me a written message that said "Stay out! B****! Meaning, stay out of his room. When he would leave the house for any length of time I would go into his room and turn off the electricity, t.v. and fan. I found a liter bottle of his urine in his room and brought that to my husband's attention. He told his son he better not find another bottle. Son still hasn't cleaned the garage and left this morning heading up north to attend his son's birthday party. His father asked him what he planned on doing about the garage cleanup? He replied that he'd do it when he got back. I told my husband that we needed to talk. Husband didn't want to hear it but I insisted. I told him how unhappy I was about the lengthy stay, the non cleanup of the garage, and the threats his son has made to me and my cats who are fearful of him now and won't come into our house. My husband responded with, "Fine! I'll tell my son he can't come back because my wife doesn't like him!" I told my husband that his response hurt me and that my issues had nothing to do with not liking his son but rather with not liking his behavior. My husband then grabbed his keys, left for work, slamming the door behind him. I just found another liter bottle of urine in his son's room. I've tried talking, pleading, crying, separating, and marriage counseling, all to no avail. Though I love my husband and want our marriage to work, I realize that it takes two people to make a marriage work and one can't be doing most of it or they will break. The son doesn't work even though my husband put him through vocational school last year. My husband says his son is just a poor kid down on his luck. I say hes's a grown man with an addiction and an enabler for a father. As long as he keeps enabling his son the son will never get off of drugs and become a productive member of society. I have been experiencing extreme emotional and mental stress from all of this. Some say I should stay and just bear with it. Others say I should leave. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to scream! I've prayed till my knees hurt. Are there any answers for me out there? Do I stay or do I go? Is this marriage over???

I'm a newlywed of 3 years. This is my second marriage. We have grown children who do not live with us. Two years ago my husband allowed his then 34 year old son to move in with us without asking me. The son is a drug and alcohol abuser and doesn't have a job. After dealing with his abuses directed towards me I was finally able to convince my husband to send the son packing. This took a toll on me emotionally and mentally. I literally feared for my life! The son was sent packing after I found a crack pipe on his night stand. His father is in denial of his son's addictions. But he reluctantly agreed to send him out the door but first he paid for his car registration and insurance to do it. Remember, the son doesn't work. After several months I told my husband he could have his son come back for two weeks (I know; wrong decision) in order to clean out our garage he destroyed and littered as well as complete some simple projects his father needed help with. It was supposed to be only for 2 weeks. It now has turned into 2 MONTHS and the garage hasn't been touched. He's done some yard work (not what he was brought here for) and seems to think that's enough. He's still living here and doing his thing. I'm suspecting more animal abuse because my new cat is running under the couch to hide whenever the step son walks in and the step son recently made a note for me and left it on his bedroom floor which read : Stay out! *****! He leaves the light, fan, and T.V. running whenever he leaves the house. I go in and turn it all off. He knows by this that I go into his room and so is throwing a fit and threatening me. I brought this to my husband's attention and he "talked" to his son. My husband doesn't believe his son has hurt my cat despite the fact that my cat is hiding and now refusing to come in even to eat. I fear for my new cat and for myself. I know I made a huge mistake by suggesting that he come for 2 weeks to clean up his mess. I am regretting it. Does anyone have any ideas what so ever to help me unload this free loading alcohol, drug abusing, animal tormentor from my home? Short of my having to move out of my own home? All answers will be seriously evaluated. Please be kind. I'm hurting enough already.

I'm having serious issues with my step son. He's 36 and has been living with my husband and I for 2 years. He doesn't work. Husband supplies him with cell phone and pays the bill. Husband also gives money to pay for son's cigarettes or cigars. I went to the fridge to get a Pepsi and out of 10 only 2 were left. I went to put more soda into the fridge but the case was gone. Looked in the garage where the step son hangs out and there was an empty pepsi and the empty case. Went to the fridge to retrieve an unopened bad of shredded cheese for the tacos I was making for my husband and I and it too was empty. Step son ate it all. He has $300 on him and doesn't contribute any money for what he eats. My sugar is gone. Step son puts 1/2 cup per 1 cup of coffee! No lie! When he finishes cooking and eating he leaves the mess for me to clean up and to wash his dishes. I have brought this to my husband's attention and told him I can't put up with this much longer. I asked how much longer his son would be living with us and he said he didn't know. Husband is barely speaking to me. Says his son is just a poor kid who needs a break. I asked my husband why his son isn't looking for work, even if it's just stocking shelves for the holdiay season. The stores in our city are hiring. He said he didn't know. My husband doesn't require anything from his son; not even washing his own dishes. Everytime I look in the fridge for some item I bought at the store, it's gone. Step son ate it. Doesn't bother replacing what he eats. My husband says I'm just against his son. Not true. A few times a week I cook a nice family meal and ask the son to join us, which he does. I told his son that when he joins our family meals he doesn't have to clean up afterwards, but when he cooks for himself I expect him to wash, rinse, dry and put his dishes away. He ignores my requests. He's walking around here with his head held high like he's the king. It sickens me and what's more, I feel disrespected to the max by him and my husband for not standing up for me. Seriously! I do not wish any harm to this young man. I just want him to take responsibility for his life but his father for whatever reason just won't require anything from him. My husband and I have been married for 3 years now and 2 of those years his son has been living with us. Remember, his son is 36. He's where he is today because of abusing drugs since age 13 and hasn't stopped. Is this really the end of my marriage?

I am married now for 3 years to a man I consider to be wonderful. He's caring, kind, a good provider and makes me laugh every day. After our first fantastic year together as husband and wife he allowed his drug addicted 34 year old son to move in with us without asking me. He felt guilty that his son was living on the streets with no where to go. His son's drug addiction got him there in the first place. I told my husband it would be better to put his son in rehab rather than bring him into our home, but he turned that suggestion down. My husband spends the majority of his time at work so I'm the one having to deal with his now 36 year old son. My husband's intentions were to get his son through welding school so that he would have some skills in order to look for work. Well, school ended last spring and the son was certified as a welder. The welding certificates he needs to go job hunting are still sitting at the school. The son let 11 days go without bathing. When you first walk into our home the odor will knock you down, that is, if I forget to light candles throughout the house. The son recently took an entire package of string cheese I had bought for my husband, out of the fridge and took it to his room where he ate it all. He helps himself to whatever we have. Cooks eggs and then leaves the pans and plate for me to clean. Our garage reeks of marijuanna because his son smokes it throughout the day. He will go to my husband and ask, "Hey! Dad. Can I have a few bucks to go and buy me a cigar? And my husband will open his wallet and hand the money over to him. The son has a boy age 7 who lives with his mother. When it comes time for his son's birthday or Xmas, my husband buys the gifts for his son to give to his boy because he doesn't have money. But he's always got a beer in his hand or a joint. When I've mentioned to my husband that his son is in the garage smoking pot my husband has told me his son doesn't smoke pot. I once found pot on his son's dresser and when he told his son what I had found, the son said it was tobacco and not pot. I asked my husband, "Does tobacco have seeds and stems in it?" What hurts me the most is that my husband told me basically that if anyone leaves our home it will be me because he has no intentions of putting his son out on the street. So, in the meantime, my husband pays for his son's cell phone, provides him with his own room complete with cable T.V., food, etc. and in return his son will change the oil in his Dad's car, or do minor mechanical work on vehicles when my husband hasn't the time due to his job. I'm left to deal with all the aftermath and it's driving me crazy! I think what hurts most is knowing that my husband has made it clear who stays and who goes if I don't like it. My sister tells me to stay because my husband provides well for me and I don't have a job. (I had a great job when we married but my husband had me quit it to look for a job closer to our new home.) My sister also says that I have no where to go except to live with my parents (which I don't mind. They are great and have said I can stay with them anytime). When I think about it I know that if I were to leave there would be no coming back. My husband has also made that perfectly clear to me. But I feel less loved by my husband now. I feel that his son will always come before me. It is affecting my mental and emotional health. I fear that if I bring this to my husband's attention he'll just become angry or blow me off. What do you think will become of this marriage? Do I try one more time to get a time line from my husband as to when he thinks his son will be work ready and leave our home? And if he gives me the same old line, then what? Please help me! I will honestly consider all well meaning answers. Most of you here on Yahoo do have a heart. Thanks!

This is my second marriage. Married 3 years now to a wonderful man. We are very happy except for one major thing: My husband has allowed his 35 year old son to live with us. His son is an alcoholic/meth user who was living on the streets. Was living on the streets, but now living in our home. This is going on 2 yrs. this Feb. 2011. His driver's license was pulled but recently it was released to him. It's still sitting down at the D.M.V. office because he doesn't have the $15 it costs to get it. He had $200 monthly food stamps but the county dropped those services to him being as how he's been receiving it for nearly 2 years and still hasn't found, nor looked, for a job. My husband put him through welding school and the welding certificates are still sitting at the school waiting to be picked up, which will cost $100. We have the money but my husband hasn't budged. My step son recently went back to his former city where he has friends in order to work on his friend's ranch, harvesting persimmons and almonds. The first time he was gone for 3 weeks. When he came back he said he spent all the money he earned while working. He went back for another 3 weeks and was supposed to return with the end of the harvest money owed him which was supposed to be nearly $400. He was to use that money to get his driver's license, his car registered, and insured. Since he's been back, he's eaten the food I had purchased for my husband and I, including the Diet Pepsis we drink. The son only drinks Dr. Pepper but will help himself to our stuff. I asked him where his money was that he had earned and he gave me some story about a guy taking the money and they haven't seen him since. He stays up for 24 hours at a time, looks either drunk or on drugs, pisses outside on our concrete rather than walking the 1 yard to the bathroom; (the odor will knock you down!) When I told my husband I wanted his son out of here my husband told me that he will never put his son back out on the street. I've been in therapy over this and my therapist basically said to let my husband suffer the consequences of his son's behavior. But I'm the one dealing with his sh**. My husband is in denial. I feel that this living arrangement is going to destroy our marriage. I love my husband dearly. We get along so wonderfully! But I don't know how to handle this situation. Do I keep ignoring his drug use and failure to go to work? When I go to the fridge to get a Pepsi and they are gone because he drank them all I'm ready to explode! Does anyone know how to help me? Please be sincere and not hateful. This feels like a no win situation and I'm the loser. Am I right in my thinking?

My stepson smokes pot, cigarettes, and cigars. He just came in from the garage and the room began to smell like skunks. My grandson told me once when I smelled something like a skunk in his room that it was pot he had smoked. He asked me, "Don't you know that pot smells like skunk?" I told him I had never smelled it and only saw the leaves and bits once in my stepson's room so I really don't know. Can anyone help me out here? Can a person put pot in a cigar or cigarette to hide the fact that they are smoking weed instead of tobacco?

My husband and I are on our 2nd marriages respectively. We celebrated two years this month. He brought two of his dogs to our new home and I brought a cat. About 7 months ago, my husband allowed his 34 year old son to move in with us so that he would no longer have to live on the streets. His son is a former crack head and is also a problem drinker. The son appears to be off the drugs and is attending vocational classes. Here's the problem. About two months ago, I noticed a mark on the forehead of one of our dogs that looks like a bad cigarrette burn mark. It went all the way to the skin and so far no hair is growing back. I suspect my step son of putting a cigarette butt to the dog's head basically because my step son sits on the back porch where the dog is to smoke. Two days ago, my loving cat who always tries to rush into the house whenever the door opens will no longer even get two feet of our door. Two days ago I heard my cat under my bed making terrible meowing sounds like I've never heard before. I couln't get him to come out from under my bed. Now he refuses to come in even to eat. My husband is a lover of animals so I know that he didn't do anything but my step son has a questionable past. Just the other day, when I went to pick him up from his class, he pointed to some plastic flowers at a park that someone had placed there and told me that one of his classmates told him that one year ago a guy got shot right at that spot and died. He then said to me, " Man! I wish I could have been there to see it!" I was shocked! He talks about beating people up and what he'd like to do to certain enemies of his. I believe with all my heart that he is the one who hurt my cat. The cat will meow at night to go out and sometimes my husband and I don't hear the cat. My step son gets very irritated over the cat. I love my animals and don't want to have to place them with someone else. They are my animals and this is my house. Since I don't have proof that my step son did any of this, I don't know what to do in order to keep this from happening again. Any suggestions? I've even thought of taking my cat and leaving until my husband gets to the bottom of this. I know that his son would lie about the abuse in order to keep living with us and my husband would more than likely take his son over me. Any adivice?

This is my 2nd marriage and we will celebrate 2 years soon. Neither of us are spring chickens. We are both in our 50's. He will retire in 3 1/2 years and due to his age and the economy, every day he worries about the possibility of being let go and losing his retirement he's worked so hard for and for which we have been looking forward to. When his company says "jump!" he asks "how high?" He leaves for work early and comes home late. He often has to drive 3 hrs to work and back several times a week. When he returns home he has several hours of work to complete on the computer. After he eats, he goes to bed around 7:30 nightly. On the weekends, when he's not sleeping, he goes to breakfast with his buddies or to play poker. I told him that for the past several months I have been very unhappy and depressed because of it. He said, " I know and I'll try to be a better husband." I told him he already is a good husband but I need some of his time and attention. I also told him that rather than feeling like his wife I feel like a room mate or a boarder who works for her stay by caring for the home etc. This morning he was working in his office and after a few hours he said, "I've tried to do what I could here at home but I can't finish what I need to finish without going to the plant. So, he showered, dressed, kissed me goodbye, and is now on the road for another 3 hour drive to work. He said he'd see me around 7:30 tonight. I'm crushed right now. I'm so lonely! I totally understand the pressure he's under and I try to keep up my end of the marriage by keeping a clean home, laundry done, bills paid, dinner ready when he arrives home, but then when he does, he only has a few minutes of conversation with me and then it's off to bed he goes. I feel like he's avoiding me and it really hurts. If anyone has ever been in a similar situation, could you offer me some advice? I feel I'm on shaky ground here and am concerned for our marriage.

Honestly, do you think you could go door to door with a message about Christ to other people? I mean not just going to their door to invite them to your church but really go uninvited to share the message of Christ using your Bible. Would you personally have the skills and the balls to do it?

I read this in today's editorial section of my news paper and thought some of you might find it interesting.

Secretive Military Exercise-

On July 27, the Federal Emergency Management Agency started its National Level Exercise '09 to very little fanfare or notice to the people of this country. This is the single most blatant and egregious violation of Posse Comitatus to ever occur since the law was passed, made all the worse by the fact that this is a joint effort with the German, Mexican, British, Australian and Canadian military on U.S. soil.

The media, including The Bee, have been very quiet about the events taking places in FEMA Region VI. Why? I'm not suggesting these exercises are necessarily malicious. Simply mysterious, and why isn't there more coverage of it?

This event is literally the biggest military exercise to happen on U.S. soil.

Berlin-An 82 year old man who planned a shooting rampage at a meeting of Jehovah's Witnesses was deterred because his sub machine gun jammed, police said Friday. He was overpowered and arrested. The man entered the group's meeting hall in the western city of Bielefeld on Thursday evening, wielding the weapon, police said in a statement. The hall was evacuated and the man quickly left the building.