icehockeymom7

I read the quote from a 12 year old adoptee who stated that being adopted was like being a piece of cheese filled with holes. I found it really interesting how many people stated that if this child felt this way, his adoptive parents must not have done a good job. As an AP, that was not at all my reaction to his quote. So should adoptive parents be held responsible for their child's emotional pain about their adoption? Obviously there are some VERY wrong ways to handle your adopted child's pain about their adoption, but I'm talking more about the AP's who have done a pretty good job of parenting their child and validating his/her feelings. AP's who have really tried, and really done their homework, etc. I personally don't think I would feel it was my fault if my daughter described her life as having "holes".....after what she lost, I would assume there would always be a hole in her heart. I don't take that personally, because I don't see it as my job to erase her past and her pain, it's my job to help her through it. So what are your thoughts? Do you feel it is an AP's "fault" if their adopted child describes him/herself as being "full of holes"?

Ok. For all you "pro-reformers who are not anti-adoption" (snort) I understand your stance on never having sealed records of original birth certificates or adoption records. I am totally with you on that one. Closed adoptions are so damaging and should be avoided at all costs. But in international adoption, sometimes the closed factor is just the way it is. I couldn't find my daughter's birthmother ever. I would love to, but there is no way. Many of you sound as if international adoption should be abolished because you consider it baby buying. I am curious as to why so many of you answer time and time again that foster care is how AP's should adopt. Please tell me how this is different from international adoption. How is adopting out of foster care (meaning adopting children who are waiting for parents) different from adopting internationally from an orphanage where children are waiting? And please don't answer if all you are going to say is "this has been discussed over and over". If that's your answer, then ignore my question.

My husband is a man of few words, so we don't really have alot of conversations about sex. I personally would love to have more (and I don't mean "how do you feel about our sex life" blah blah) I would like for my husband to feel comfortable really being explicit with me, it would really make things alot less dull for me. So, one way I thought I could start this was by sending him a private email that was very erotic. It was basically asking him if he wanted to kind of "talk dirty" back and forth through email. I thought this might be an easier way for him rather than trying to say things he wasn't comfortable with. So, I sent this (what I consider to be really hot) email to him a couple of days ago. I know he read it, because I can see when someone has read an email I have sent. So far I have had no response. I got no email back, not a word was said, nothing. We do have 4 kids at home, and life is busy, but I thought maybe he would read that email and get as excited as I was after writing it! I know it isn't that he is not interested in sex, he initiates it all the time. I just wanted to spice things up a bit, because I was feeling kind of bored. So how do I take this nonresponsiveness? Does this mean he didn't like it? Or that he doesn't want to play this little game I thought would be fun? I'm confused and now I am even kind of embarrassed for even sending it. I would love some advice from you guys on this one!