StubbornGrl

I was going through some old notebooks and I found this piece I wrote way back in maybe the sixth grade and I was thinking of maybe going back to work on it a bit.

The background is all about how when the world was created there were four different big things shaped out of primordial goo and pure creation energy.

The Earth: Land and ocean and such with animals and fish and all. Very simple and natural.

The Spirits: These were wind creatures that basically just tended the Earth, nurturing it and living off its energy in a symbiotic relationship.

The Beasts: These were creatures that were part man part animal. They were very primal and wild and just did whatever made them happy. They ate meat and plants and just sort of played however they felt like.

Humans: They were made without the natural defenses of animals and had to learn to use the Earth around them. The Creator changed the surface of the Earth to make areas that would be hellish to breed strength in the humans and other places that would be peaceful and safe for when they needed it.

The Humans were dependent on the Earth, so they were cared for by the Spirits along with it. The Beasts found that they got more joy from hunting the humans because of the way humans acted and reacted to them. Humans renamed the Spirits and the Beasts, calling them Angels and Demons and first labeling them good and evil, something they weren't really as they were nothing more than what they were created to be.

Well all four of these creations were interconnected and couldn't survive without each other, but when they got put together they started destroying each other. The Beasts preyed on the Humans and nearly eliminated them, the Spirits took revenge and began destroying the Beasts and all three damaged the Earth in their fighting which made the Earth revolt and fight back(natural disastors).

So with the small remaining primordial ooze and creation energy the Creator took a single human, bound its soul to the Earth and gave him qualities of both Beast and Spirit. This Guardian became an impartial judge. He kept the Beasts from preying too wildly on Humans and the Spirits from destroying the Beasts. But the longer a Guardian holds this position the more his/her burden wears on them and the closer they get to madness and the less they are able to uphold their duties. This causes chaos on earth. Also, due to their sould being bound to Earth it causes more natural disastors as the Earth feels the same pain.

There is only one way for a Guardian to save themselves, and that is to find the one soul, among Human, Beast, and Spirit that has the ability to connect to the Guardian and give him/her something to truly care about. The job of Guardian is then passed on to another and they are allowed to go on and live a mortal life with that person.

My story is about a Guardian who is nearing that point of madness and the struggles he goes through finding that one soul.

I've been working on getting names set for people and places in my current project and I would love some feed back.

People:

--Evelyn Xana AKA Lyn X AKA Lynx

--Magpie/Margaret AKA Raven (she goes by several aliases but Raven is her most common)

--Felix Xana(Evelyn's brother)

--King Alexander(taken from Alexander the Great)

--The General

--Jatria

Places(I used an online chart I found with elvish names to make these because of the history of the place)

Kohedrim - this is what the kingdom is called

Ahlanea - A coastal trade town.

Diadem Falls(not elven)

I know there aren't a lot here but I am still in the initial stages. Let me know what you think. :)

I'm currently working on a story and I am creating my own world for it. I am pretty much one giant FAIL when it comes to drawing and I was wondering if anyone would be willing to help me create a map of my world. If my story is ever published, I would add it to the book and give full credit to the person who drew it, of course.

The map isn't really neccessary for the story, but I am big into knowing the details and have tried and failed several times to create a map that satisfied me.

I like to know just about all the information I can know about my stories, including the cultures, history, geography, politics, currency, what people wear, superstitions, religions, all these things and more.

I'm currently working on the geography and I would really like to be able to make it something visual, you know like how some books have maps at the beginning. I was wondering if anyone knows of any online tools you can use to make up a rouch map like this. Nothing too fancy and preferably free.

This is my new first draft of my opening scene for my current work. I am just looking for some general critique and opinions. Let me know if you think it is too slow and if you would read more if you picked up a book and this was the first page.

The caravan from the port of Ahlanea set camp at dusk, at least three hours before necessary. Raven had watched with detached amusement as the stiff-backed second-in-command had argued quietly with the caravan leader over the early stop time. The woman had looked ready to hit something when the man in charge brushed off her complaints. The finicky merchants were paying for all of their wages and he wasn’t about to argue with them just because his employee was over zealous.

Raven had joked with the other guards as she helped make camp about both the soft skinned merchants and made bets on how long it would be before the second-in-command had them bound and gagged so they would stop complaining. The best odds were on dusk on the third day, but something in the other woman’s eyes made her put down two silvers that their annoying employers would make it to the capital without any harm.

As night fell the camp settled in for it’s first night on the road. The merchants kept to themselves in their nicely padded wagon. Most of the guards broke into small groups for games of dice and cards or small sparring matches. Money changed hands freely as bets were won and lost on just about every activity. Raven smiled sardonically, there seemed to be nothing else warriors for hire loved more than gambling.

She moved from group to group, flirting casually with the men and making sure to place a few bets here and there. She very carefully won and lost equally and didn’t join in any of the games until she had made a complete circuit of the camp. When she did settle down to a game of dice with some loud mountain warriors she knew the entire layout.

“You’ve got a bit of the mountain in you kittling,” the oldest of the group she was in commented as he passed her the dice. There wasn’t any question in they way he spoke and Raven instantly felt a kindness towards him.

“Just the good bits,” she said with a small smile. She took the dice from him and rolled them in her palm skillfully, noting the way the older man watched her hands, not her fairly sized chest as the younger men were. She called a bet of fours and let the dice fly.

The small bone pieces tumbled along the smoothed out play area and settled. Three of the six showed four black dots. She scooped up the dice and handed them to the next player. When she glanced back at the old man his clear blue eyes held a glint of approval and appraisal. She felt that he had noticed her careful switch of good dice for rigged ones and back again.

She waited to see if he was going to say anything, but he just gave her a knowing grin that showed that he had been a handsome devil in his younger days. Not that he was unappealing now, his body still strong and solid looking. She would guess that age had only improved this man.

I do not follow any religion faithfully. But I would not call myself and atheist because I believe that is in itself a belief system. I am curious about other peoples views. Where do you get your beliefs from? Is it blind devotion(and yes, atheists, there is such a thing as blind devotion to atheism as blind devotion can be given to just about anything.)

I'd like to hear people's beliefs and their feelings. I do NOT want to hear a bunch of people squabbling over who'se beliefs are correct. Especially from people who are saying they don't want someone else telling them they are wrong in the same breath they are telling people they are wrong. I WILL report any rude answers as abuse.

I just wrote this as a part of a writing exercise where I was supposed to use lyrics from a song as inspiration. I wasn't sure what I was doing when I started and I like what I ended up with, though I think the format may be a little strange. It sort of came out as if it was the narrator musing. There isn't much action as it isn't very long, just a sort of consideration.

Let me know what you think. I would like honest opinions, which means if you don't like it that is fine, but at least put why you don't like it and any suggestions on what you think would make it better. If you just post a reply about how horrid it is and give no constructive critisim I will report you for being needlessly rude on a site that is supposed to be about people helping each other.

The Bricks You Caught

Sheila Simons is an average girl. Like most average girls she has her ups and downs. She’s been happy, sad, angry, jealous, bored, and all those other things that everyone is at one point or another. She played games as a kid, dated boys as a teen, studied and played some more in college. Like I said, she’s an average girl.

Underneath being average she is, as most of us are, special and unique and just a little bit odd. But this doesn’t mean she isn’t, average. If a person was completely average, without that underlying level of strange, it would make them a truly rare and one of a kind creature. It turns out that part of being average is being unique.

But I digress, this small story is about Sheila and her own streak of the unique. She is like a brick wall. For every event in her life, from waking up in the morning to meeting someone she can love, another bit is added or taken away. Sometimes this is done carefully, even lovingly. Other times it is as if new bricks are thrown at her with such violence they can leave large holes in the wall, undermining the stability of her being.

I sat down to talk to her one evening. We sat in two comfortable chairs with the lights off. There was something in the way that we could not see each other’s faces that allowed gave the night a somewhat mystical feel. I think that is why she was able to talk to freely and without artifice. When you can’t see the person you are talking to you don’t have to worry about the look on their face and when the lights come on you can pretend you were all alone, just talking to yourself.

Whatever the reasons, she talked to me about things that usually don’t get to see the light. She told me about how when she was seven her best friend had abandoned her in order to get an ‘in’ with the popular crowd. When this friend laughed at her in front of a whole crowd of students it was the first time Sheila could remember being hit with one of those blocks.

Next she told me about her first relationship and how it had added so much to her life and made her see herself in a whole different light. I think she may have cried a little when she talked about how the boy had, as many young boys do, broken it off for no real reason. The relationship ending in this manner didn’t make it any less painful than if he had cheated on her, in fact, I believe it was worse for her. Never knowing was another brick, different from her friend’s betrayal, but even more damaging.

As the night wore on she told me of happy things and sad things. Of things that were given to her and taken away. She talked and a picture formed in my head that made me realize something.

Throughout her life many people and events had thrown bricks at Sheila. They hurt her, and left holes in her, but on the other side of her wall she waited to catch those bricks. She kept them with her because they were as much a part of her as the ones that were put there gently.

I realized that the truly special thing about Sheila was those bricks she had caught. Others would have thrown them away as reminders of painful events. Others might have kept them and become obsessed with the pain the represented, unable to move on. She kept them until she was ready and then used them to keep building her wall. She moved on but knew that they were still a part of her. I wonder, what would the world be like if more people were like Sheila?

I'm curious to get some feed back on these characters. They are supposed to be sort of symbolic of the two paths you could take when a similar event occurs. The first is justice while the second is revenge. Though I do have what I hope is a good twist for their final confrontations against thier enemies.

Evelyn Xana:

She is a professional warrior who takes sort of free lance jobs from the army. When she was about seven her mother was murdered in a raid on their village. She and her father trained themselves as warriors after that and her small brother began training as a mage around five years later when he was seven himself.

Later her father is crippled and her brother is captured by another raid. Through piecing together bits and pieces of information they discover that there is one single person or group of people behind all the raids in the country and that person is gathering or killing mages.

She devotes her life to finding and killing that person. It is not for revenge, but for justice. She joins the army at seventeen, signing her name as Lyn X. After about a year of making a name for herself as a quick, agile, ferocious fighter she is nicknamed Lynx after the wildcat by northerners. She began to lose hope about two years ago, but finds a big clue just after the story starts that gets her back into the game.

Her name is supposed to be symbolic of the way one single event can change your path in life. Evelyn was a little girl whose mother wanted her to have a happy, safe life and so gave her a soft pretty name. Lynx is a woman who is hard and determined and always going to do whats right.

Next is Magpie.

Her mother was a small time healer and her father is a northern mercenary. The northerners only come down from the mountains in the summer when they hire themselves out as warriors. Her name comes from his culture, where everyone has an animal or nature related name. Her mother, as many people who have children with mountain people, refused to call her such a silly name and called her Maggie.

Her mother was also killed, when she was seven. She knew why her mother was killed because the man who killed her was a sociopathic fire mage who takes great pleasure in hurting people both physically and mentally/emotionally. He burned her mother to death, letting her know that the eight year old Maggie was being forced to watch and taunting her with how she would be left all alone now. Maggie wasn't killed because she proved to have no magic.

Maggie's father, when he showed up again, arranged a place for her to stay, but she didn't really like the place and lived on the streets, doing odd jobs. She had a knack for acting(aka lieing her butt off) and took up stealing as a hobby. She made quick friends with a young man who was also a thief and a spy and... well pretty much good to some degree at most all sorts of crime and many honest trades. He recognized her talents and set her up as a spy in one of his enemies houses.

Over the next years the friend rose in power among the rogues(criminals) and she learned to learn a little bit about a lot of things, which allowed her to be a better spy because she could pretend to be more things. When she was fourteen she found the man who had killed her mother and almost managed to kill him. Instead he stopped her at the last second. In some twisted way he found her trying to kill him for revenge amusing and didn't kill her. Around a year later she tried again and the same thing happened. She got her third chance six months later and he, having decided that she was somehow his property, burned his handprint into her side, its placement looking more like a mark left by a lover than by an enemy. Because of its magic it could not be removed, but it also gave her the ability to use magical tools, something she had lacked before.

She hasn't tried since then, but has become rather famous as an 'information dealer' and she goes by Raven(Because she hates her real name, and because her father's culture is loosely based on the Norse and the whole Odin's ravens that see and hear all). That friend from earlier also became the King of the Rogue and she became his lover, though she refuses to admit it to anyone or make it obvious. It is kind of a joke among the rogues, the way she is so modest about it when everyone and their brother knows the truth. There is also a joke about how she is another one of his birdies(he practices falconry), though no one would ever say that in front of her. She still is consumed by her need to kill the man who killed her mother and marked her.

Most of this is sort of just the set up for the actual story. And I know that it isn't a superbly original idea. But I think that by telling the story with my own way of looking at things will make it be special.

It takes place in a place called Kohedrim. (Which I got from using a Dungeons and Dragons style elf naming chart, it loosely stands for Earth Flyers) I started out basing my characters and world on Dungeons and Dragons sort of world, giving each character a class like a D&D character would have.

One thing that changed when I started developing the story is the involvment of elves, which are extremely common in D&D. In my story, while a lot of the names of places in the kingdom are elvish in origin, there are only a sparse handful of elves living there. The Elves in this world retreated from the human world a thousand years before this story started, though they still use magic to watch and interfere with the human world every once in a while.

Well Kohedrim has been at peace for over two hundred years, largely due to the fact that the royal bloodline is infused with a touch of elvish blood that allows them to live longer lives and generally makes them more patient and wise leaders.

In the past thirty or so years there has been a sort of growing unrest in the country. Every couple of years or so a party of thugs and all around bad guys will begin raiding villages. Most of the people in the villages were killed. They would be taken care of fairly quickly, usually only ever able to attack two villages, but the damage was done. In the past decade these attacks have become more frequent. No one(okay a few people) know if there is a single force behind these attacks or if they are just random. In the past five years a rumor has slowly begun that the attacks are actually just meant to kill off mages.

Three years before the story begins the king takes ill at the age of seventy, old but still at least twenty to thirty years before he normally would have passed on. He should have got better but instead dies, leaving only a twenty three year old son to take the throne. Needless to say he is not welcomed with open arms and lots of trust. There hasn't been a King this young in several generations and when the attacks on villages really start picking up a year into his rule the Council(the people who the King delegates to and who have the power to dethrone the King in times of Emergency) start thinking it is his fault.

The story actually starts with an attack on the capital city. The King is forced to flee because his life is threatened. The Council is made to see this as him choosing his life over the protection of his city and his people. This is considered a grave crime since a King's greatest duty is protecting his people. They put an order out for his arrest and execution and place the General(hasn't been named yet) in place as King En Absentia, or Substitute King until it can be decided who should be throned next.

As you can probably guess, the General is the bad guy of the story. And as time goes on and he gets more drunk with power the Council will begin to see that.

The King will be spending the first part of the story using a vision he was given by an unknown source to find allies who can help him go up against the General(who has been seen as a hero by the general populace for the past twenty years and who has spies everywhere.)

I am working on two stories at the moment and I've come to realize that I tend to really play around with the idea of Fate. Not so much 'This is going to happen because it is fated to be so' but more the 'at this point options A B and C could have happened. Only one option could be chosen and that may have put someone on a completely different path than they would have been on otherwise.'

For an example. One of my characters is a woman named Evelyn Xana. Her mother chose the name because it she thought it was soft and pretty, which made her think of her daughter living a happy life. But then her mother is murdered, and her father forces her to devote her life to training to be a warrior to get revenge. Later she changes from revenge to justice(by going after the guy not because he killed her mother but because he has been responsible for over two hundred deaths). But in the process she drops the name Evelyn and becomes Lynx.

In my mind it was a simple matter of that one event, her mother's death, that took her from the path of Evelyn, a happy playful girl, to being Lynx, a fierce warrior.

As you can see, I also have a tendency to go symbolic with some of my names.(not all of them I promise, I wouldn't want to get so obnoxious as that)

The fate thing and the power of names pops up a lot in my writing and I was wondering if other people have things like that that they find themselves using over and over without really planning on it.

This is just a rough draft of my latest opening for my novel. It has rather drastically changed from how I started, and I'd like some input. Please and Thank You.

I'm not entirely happy with the end. It definatly needs another couple goes. But I'd appreciate any thoughts or questions.

Trouble was coming to Kohedrim.

King Alexander could feel it like in his bones. It was like a poison spreading through his lands. It had been a long time coming and he feared now how deep it truly went.

Exhaustion lined his youthful face and his strong shoulders were hunched as if under a great weight. He had spent the last three years devoting all of his time and effort to stopping the growth of this rotting disease. And now, when he had to face the fact that prevention was no longer an option, every second showed.

But when he gathered up the papers proving just how bad the problem was his hands didn't shake. There was a cold hardness in his eyes as they read reports from all corners of his domain. His body was tired, yes, and it would be tested to its limits before things got better, but there was a steel in Alexander's mind and spirit that would not bend when it came to protecting his people.

His mind worked through the information quickly and efficiently. He filed away who his people said could be trusted, who was in question, and who was firmly on the other side. A small voice whispered in his mind that he should have seen the truth, that he was a failure as King, but he shut it out. There was no room for self doubt now.

He began organizing the files, placing those on the people he considered the highest priority to his left and those who he considered the most dangerous to his right. The first one into that pile was the one behind this, the one he would have to deal with to rid his Kohedrim of the poison. General Gryphon.

Just thinking of the man filled Alexander with rage enough to straighten those bent shoulders and make the fire in his eyes burn brighter. He was a blight, a madman who had wormed his way into his father's good graces and built himself a nest there from which he had slowly begun spreading his sickness. Alex knew that the end to the coming battle would be either the General's death or his own.

He took a deep breath, endeavoring to calm himself. He didn't have the proof he needed to go up against the General. His only advantage was that the General didn't know how much Alex knew. He began sorting through the files once more when a great shock tore through the castle.

Papers flew everywhere and Alex was thrown from his chair with the force of the impact. His head slammed against the stone floor and his vision went white. He thought he must have lost his senses when the crystal clear image of a black bird, a wild cat, and a silver fox formed in the blinding whiteness.

Then the vision was gone and he could feel hands urgently pulling at his arm. He blinked until he could see clearly and was astounded to see a kitchen maid attempting to haul him to his feet. He levered himself up, swaying only a bit and realized the woman was talking.

"You have to go. Now! He's made his move. Your father's escape spell. Now you fool!"

Perhaps it was the blow to his head, but even his usually lightning fast mind wasn't enough to keep up with what was going on. But there was something in the woman's voice, a sense of command that made his body respond without waiting for his mind.

He pressed his thumb onto the onyx stud in his right ear and spoke the words his father had drilled into him as a child. The room around him began to fade away. A single file still lay on the desk and without thinking he snatched it up before the world went dark and he found himself standing on a hillside a mile outside of the capital city.

Against the black velvet of the night sky his city was a orange glow. He could see the path the fire made through the main gates and straight to his castle. A large gaping hole in the front of the structure was ringed with more hungry flames.

He couldn't go back now. The castle had been attacked and he had fled. His rational brain knew that if he had stayed he would have surely been killed. It also knew that the General would move to have him exiled as a King who did not protect his people was no longer considered a true King.

He stood, staring blankly as the fires grew and then were doused. He might have just stood there all night if it weren't for the wind that tugged at the paper he still clutched in one hand.

He glanced down at the file he had managed to save. It showed a rough sketch of a woman's face and the name Lynx. When he saw the name he once more saw the vision of the wildcat in his mind and the fire came back to his grey eyes.

He had known a confrontation was coming. Though he hadn't expected to be cast into exile, with no solid plan for where to go or who to contact.

I really do hate naming characters and places, I think I put too much thought into it. But I'm working on a story now and I've got about everything on my characters but the names.

These ones have names, they are to give examples and such.

1. Magpie, Maggie to her mother, goes by Raven because they are considered birds that see and hear all and she is an information trader.

A woman whose father is from a culture that uses animal or nature related names.

2. Evelyn Xana. Goes by Lynx. She didn't want to use her real name when signing up for jobs and started by putting Lyn X. but somehow it got changed to just Lynx(like the wildcat).

3. Jatria. Goes by Ria. Her name was taken from a D&D chart for elven names because she is part(about one eigth) elvish. She uses Ria because its not so uncommon.

4. Charles. The king of thieves. He is called a falconer because he does train falcons and hawks and because he is the one in charge of the thieves and spies in the kingdom, many of whom have adopted bird related nicknames.

And here are the ones who don't have names.

1. The King. His name should be something slightly english sounding, but perhaps a bit off to show that his bloodline has close connections to the elves that were part of establishing the kingdom but are gone now.

2. The General. He is the bad guy. He comes from those people who use nature/animal names. His should be more mythological or powerful, and can be made up since this is a fantasy book and he was considered a special child and they would have wanted that to be apparent just by his name.

3. The Pyro Wizard. He is insane, and loves to see people hurt both physically and emotionally. Especially emotionally. He loves fire and often uses it to kill. His name should have a more artistic feel and possibly an x, y, or v in it.

I'm working on a project that started out as a side thing and just sort of grew. I am currently trying to piece together the villain of the story. For reference, the story is set in a fantasy type world where there used to be other creatures like elves, but now it is mainly humans but many of them do have magical powers.

I haven't named him yet and will refer to him as the General.

He was born in the northern mountainous area where the people are more wild, most becoming warriors for hire and many having strong magical abilities due to their lifestyle keeping them more in touch with nature in its purer sense.

His father was a very superstitious chieftain, so when his son was born with a birthmark in the shape of a holy constellation that only appears once every one-hundred years he immediately called his seer. The seer proclaimed that the boy could be the one prophesied to unite and rule the mountain clans for the first time in centuries.

His father trained him from early childhood in how to rule and in the arts of war. When he turned out to have extremely strong ice magic this only encouraged him to make the training harder and more demanding. The General did not mind, he found that he had a deep desire to better himself and was even more demanding on himself than his father.

But he did find that his father was somewhat of a drunkard and really not that bright. He rankled at being under the command of someone he didn't see as being fit to rule and on his sixteenth birthday he finally cracked. His father was drunk and hit him, saying he wasn't really the one from the prophesy. The General just could not stand being told he wasn't good enough by anyone, let alone his worthless father. He went into a rage and beat his father nearly to death.

At that moment he could have merely claimed his father's position and demoted or exiled the man. Instead he took up a sword and plunged it into his father's heart. With his father's last breath the seer appeared and proclaimed that he had strayed from the path that would have made him the ruler of prophesy and his new path led his demise. A demise brought on by a stronger mage than himself.

Hearing this, from the same seer whose advice he has always relied on set him off again and he plunged the same sword, still wet with his father's blood into the woman's heart. Instead of dying she reaches out and touches his face, telling him she would return at the end and bring home the boy who he had been before committing that first murder, and disappeared.

He never told anyone about this new prophesy. Though it would rule him for life. Instead he continued his training until his eighteenth birthday when he went to the capital city and joined the army. He was a strong warrior, even without his magic, and a nearly unbeatable one with it so he rose quickly through the ranks.

When he was twenty he saved the King and gained himself an even higher position along with the king's trust. He got himself assigned to teach those mages who joined the army and through this he was able to begin his master plan. He convinced several students to swear blood oaths to him, essentially making them his mindless servants. Those who he approached who refused to swear loyalty to him were sent on dangerous missions and 'accidentally' killed.

Once he had a good sized group he began the next stage of his plan. He would use his mage pawns to hire groups of thugs and murderers. These groups would then raid villages, making sure to kill anyone with magical abilities as well as enough others so that it wasn't apparent that the mages were the actual targets. Then he would go in with his men and kill all of these bandits, making himself appear a great tactician and a hero to the kingdom.

After the first few times he did this, spread out with as much as a year between attacks, he began having his thugs take mages hostage instead of just killing them. They would then bring them the the underground fortress he had built just for this reason and torture them until they either swore blood oaths to him or he had sucked all of their magic from them and they died.

He was already not quite sane, but this practice sent him even further into dementia. Since a person's magic is powered by their soul, a part of their soul enters him with their magic. So each mage he kills puts another soul in his mind that he has tortured. These souls hate him and are constantly eating away at his sanity. But his need for power, and his belief that he will either kill off the mage who is supposed to bring on his downfall or make himself strong enough to defeat that person keeps him on this path.

He is still intelligent and cunning enough to keep himself from ever being discovered. He keeps the Kings trust, and uses his spies to make sure that anyone who seems to be figuring him out is taken care of.

When the King dies he is considered as t