Joe N

Is it too much to expect them to call me or text me back if I call or text them?

Is it too much to expect them to not cancel on me if we're supposed to hang out?

My friend committed suicide in June, by means of jumping in front of an RV. Now, we weren't as close as we used to be, but I still considered him a friend. I had a dream about a month or so after he died:

I got on the school bus and I see him, and we start wrestling, just jokingly. Then he sits down in the seat in front of me and asks me how I've been, and how me and my girlfriend were, even though we had broken up two years before. I ask him how he's doing, and he says it's lonely on the other side, and that he's waiting for his friends to die.

He looked the same as he did in real life, only his hair was longer, and it was fairly bright for a morning. I don't know. I'd just like to know what it means if anyone can explain it to me.

Okay, we've been broken up for about 3 months or so now, but we've seen each other a couple of times since then. She said that seeing me again made her miss me more, made her miss the way she was around me, that she liked talking to me (enough to talk to me for 6 straight hours on the phone), and that she acts the same way around me now that she did when we were dating, which she said was because she just feels comfortable that way. But I won't buy it. Does it sound like she still likes me or am I looking into too much?

Okay, so my girlfriend and I had been dating for 18 months, and she went away on a mission trip for 10 days and I couldn't see or talk to her, except by texting, which she couldn't do that much. The night she leaves, she texts me saying that she missed me and that she wishes she was home. The day after she gets back, she calls and breaks up with me over the phone. I asked her if she had met someone on the trip and she said no, but something about it just doesn't sound right.

We were completely fine before she left. What does everyone think?

Okay, so my girlfriend and I have been broken up for a month and I've seen her once since then and talked to her maybe twice over the phone.

About three weeks after I saw her, I text her and said "I miss you", which I didn't think there was a problem with, as we didn't really end on terrible terms and I did miss her.

A minute later she texts me back and says "How are you?" (A greeting that she knows I hate.)

I called her last night to ask her why she didn't say she missed me back, and she just said I was looking too much into it and that I needed to stop over - analyzing it, but I feel like it deserves it.

Would that bother anyone else, or is it just me?

This has always bothered me, and I was just wondering why they can't do it.

By talk, I of course mean pray to and ask for forgiveness from.

For those of you who don't know, Westboro Baptist Church is a church that pickets at the funerals of homosexuals and soldiers. Now, I was just wondering what could be done about them. I know somebody's going to say to just ignore them, but when they're picketing at a funeral, that kind of crosses the line.

I have to do this for a class I'm taking. Just list your top 5 favorite movies of all time and you can say why they're your favorite movies if you want to. Thanks to everyone who answers this.

My friend is coming to the east coast from California, and is convinced that the heat in California is much worse than the humidity that the east coast has to offer. What does everyone else think?

Okay, this was a letter I wrote to my cousin because I couldn't be at her graduation. To set up the first joke, she's three years older than me. Let me know what you think:

Maggie,

Wow. It seems like just yesterday I was changing your diaper, and now you’re graduating from college. It’s either because of how fast time flies by, or because I was cryogenically frozen for 20 years, and am just now getting out when you’re graduating. Walt Disney says hi. The time has come for me to finally tell you the secret to life. Now that you’re going out into the real world, I feel as if it’s necessary for your survival. Wear mittens. Wear mittens or gloves at all times. You will never burn yourself or catch a cold by shaking the hand of some homeless person you just blew in the alley behind Starbucks. Also, they tend to be very helpful when you’re making snowballs to throw at old man Johnson. We all know he beats his wife. It’s sad that you’re getting out of college right when the economy is in the shitter, but no worries. I’ve heard prostitution is recession proof. So you could always mug a hooker. They’re just going to spend the money on crack anyways, or their 18th abortion. This is until they realize that coat hangers or flights of stairs work just as well, and are much, much cheaper. You will eventually find the man of your dreams, and fall in love, and for that I can only be happy. I just want to tell you, make sure you get insurance, because the post office has been known to damage packages. You wouldn’t want him arriving with bruises and stamps all over his face. After you two are married for a couple of years, you’re going to want kids. And I know what you’re going to say, but let me just tell you, they sell much better on the market if they’re healthy. So you might have to invest in some food. Trust me, it will be worth it. I have a couple of kids in cages right now being fed hamburgers and running on treadmills. I’m looking to fetch about $20,000 a piece. Money. In. The. Bank. The ones who aren’t good enough to sell, you’ll probably have to keep (that’s why we still have Amanda.) These are the ones who will bug the hell out of you until they move out. My best suggestion is to just put them in a closet until they stop crying or stop breathing. They too will grow older, and go off to school. Their first day will in no way be as magical as yours or mine. They will not have Mr. Poore to belittle them on the bus, and they will not have a queer backpack to ensure wedgies or purple nurples. I think a daily beating from you should suffice though. Make sure you hit them below the face; otherwise the teachers will become suspicious. They will go through middle school and forget it ever happened the second they leave. Then they will be off to high school, where they will most likely be picked on for being your offspring. It’s at this time that they will start denouncing any relation to you. They will no longer want to go shopping with you, or to associate with you at all. This is normal. The less they’re home, the better. It tends to leave much more time for you to plan their murd...I mean, surprise party. When they turn 18, you have to throw a surprise party. It seems to be the tradition in this family. If you don’t have the time, a letter with “Surprise! Get the **** out” should be fine. They will go off to college, and one of my offspring will probably write a letter very similar to this one when they graduate. It won’t be half as good, or half as meaningful, because my kid probably won’t like your kid as much as I like you.

I still think you drugged me when we were little.

From,

Joe

My girlfriend and I went to a sushi restaurant that serves tater tots. I was eating both the tater tots and the sushi one after the other and my stomach began to hurt.

I said "Oh, my stomach hurts. It's like WWII all over again." And she didn't laugh. Not even a chuckle.

My girlfriend and I were talking about it and she said that oral sex is on par with intercourse according to the bible, and the practice of it would be just as bad as performing intercourse. I disagreed. Which of us is right?

My girlfriend and I were talking about it and she said she felt as if oral sex was bad before marriage religiously, and was on par with intercourse, but I disagreed. What does everyone else think?

Anytime I listen to a song or go somewhere, my mind automatically jumps to the worst memory I share with said place or song. No matter what. Even if other memories I have with that song or place are really good.

My friend and I got into an argument because I said that Hitler was smart in the way that he was able to turn an entire country against a race of people. Very charismatic.

She disagreed and said that he was just insane. Haha.

What does everyone else think?

Out of all of his characters, which one do you think tops the list?

I'd have to say Alex Delarge or Jack Torrance, but HAL 9000 is also pretty freaky.

Out of all of his characters, which one do you think tops the list?

I'd have to say Alex Delarge or Jack Torrance, but HAL 9000 is also pretty freaky.

My girlfriend and I got in an argument about whether or not babies were born perfect. She said they weren't because they have a sinful nature, and that Adam, Eve and Jesus were the only people ever born perfect. What does everyone else think?

I have a philosophy paper to write on Kant's imperatives, and I can't think of a good thesis for it. If anyone can help, it will be greatly appreciated.

I have a philosophy paper to write on Kant's imperatives, and I can't think of a good thesis for it. If anyone can help, it will be greatly appreciated.