?

This is difficult for us. We have always embraced our children's first families and their right to retain their identity. For the past two years we have tried very very hard to include our children’s first families as much as possible. However, during this time, all parents have been arrested multiple times, we have been threatened in person, one father was shot and nearly killed (gang related), another father was sent to prison for attempted murder (again gang related), etc.

The children’s therapist suggested no contact, the judge did the same. We tried writing letters to them, making phone calls and even visiting with them to set boundaries.

Nothing is working! The drugs, violence and threats continue post-adoption. The children have wet their bed in fear (recently) and are too frightened to call or visit (we encouraged them to try, but they made it clear they are not interested). The kids see our other children’s birth families are included in our lives, with positive results—so they are not just trying to please us by refusing contact.

How do we close the door on them? It is so very painful to believe that we will be responsible for removing them from the children’s lives (at least for now).

They only have a pobox number and cell number for contact, as they have been so hostile.

We have ONLY have adopted abused children. And would never be a part of coercing parents to give up children.

How do we stop contact? Close the box, change the number? try again to give them reasons? Set a date in the future when we will try again?

The kids have to be safe and their needs put first, have we missed something? This is such a drastic move, it will change lives!! AUGH!

I see adoption mentioned as "getting stuck with what we get" or "we did not get to choose our AP". Adoptive families are called "Strangers" and "stealers". Babies are taken from the "only mother we knew".

WHAT?

Isn't being born also a gamble? Where is the child's "choice?" Just because a couple of people laid down, does not make them "parents".

How can anyone say that being born into a particular family gives the child more choice in parents?

There are NO GUARANTEES in adoption, but there are also none in just being born to a particular set of people. Why is there such a double standard?

I am interested in the many posts I see that suggest that guardianship or long-term foster care is preferred over adoption. In UT, this is just not an option at all.

There has to be extreme circumstances before the courts will even consider either of these choices.

The code reads that all "adoptable" children WILL be placed for adoption.

In other words, if a family chooses long-term foster care or guardianship, they MAY risk losing the child to another home that will adopt. The reasoning is that guardianship does not equal permanence.

(legal reasoning not mine folks)

Why do so many people suggest guardianship? is that really a legal option in your state?

So many take a stand against both. But what of the "unwanted" child? I am not looking for answers for the parents (use b/c, don't have sex etc) I want to know what should we (Society) do with the child whose parent's do not take responsibility?

It seems to me that there are more unhappy adoptees answering legit

questions with hostility and unhappiness.

Why?

Do not take offense (if possible) I just feel that I want to understand, not criticize! Where is your hostility coming from? adoption itself? you AP? feelings concerning your adoption?

I have adopted, I want (NO I NEED) to understand for the benefit of my children.

Thank you

I continue to see the PROS to having an open adoption, and quite frankly I do agree. However, the 12 children we have adopted had been terribly abused in their original homes. I can not seem to find opinions on the "Open vs Closed" adoption argument, when the parental rights were forcibly terminated in court. What are you feelings about keeping a child SAFE from contact with their abusers? Isn't this different that "robbing" a mother of her child and having a closed adoption?