Drew

He's starting to come across as a bit of a baddy

I'm worried that my darling hamster Drew Murty could catch the novel coronavirus covid 19 and I don't want him to die. He's been my constant companion for 5 years. I think the best way for him to be safe from coronavirus is for me to drive deep into the countryside and release him into the wild so he can live free with the other hamsters.

Im 7 months pregnant and concerned that by bringing another person into the world I increase the number of people who could catch covid 19. I don't want to increase the infection rate. Where can I get an abortion? I'll have a baby after the full vaccine rollout.

Even crooked hilary conceded last time

Would a victory for sleepy joe cause a rise in global terrorism? We need the strong hand of president trump to keep these terrorists in line

Poor President Donald Trump must be terrified for the safety of his family 

All hallows eve is, as I understand it, the night when souls pass from this world to the next. Given the year we've had there are a lot of souls waiting to move on, and we should be doing everything possible to help them all at this difficult time for them.

Once upon a time there was a little boy called Drew Murty and he lived in a tent in the woods called the wood of pigs and he had to poop in a shed because of the snakes that lived in the toilets and one day he decided he was sick of having to poop in a shed because of the snakes in the toilet so he went on google to find out how to get rid of snakes except he couldn't get on Google because there is no internet in the wood of pigs so instead he got on his bicycle and rode all the way to nodnol which is another name for london and arranged a meeting with robin hood and peter schmeichel and he asked for their advice and they suggested that Drew Murty should hire the pied piper of hamlin to get rid of the snakes but when the pied piper of hamlin arrived at the wood of pigs he said sorry drew murty I don't specialise in snakes so then Drew Murty cried and the pied piper of hamlin went lol what a loser so Drew Murty punched him in the face and put his pipe up his bum and thr  Drew Murty arranged a meeting with Andy Cole who said he doesn't really know much about toilet snakes but he thought they could be killed with a nuke so Drew Murty got back on his bicycle and went to north korea and bought a nuke for tree fiddy and came back to the wood of pigs and nuked the toilet snakes and they all lived happily ever after apart from Drew Murty who was killed in a nuclear explosion. The end.

I want to go on a bike ride but it's raining and I don't want to get wet

Me and my buddy sneebsy want to get a hamster and take it to the pub and get it to do tricks so that people will give us money so we thought some good tricks would be to ride a unicycle and throwing darts

Under current coronavirus restrictions I think it's ok to have sex with a stranger in a field but not in a house. Is that correct?

I can't think of any other way to do it without the rabbit biting me

I have two hamsters. They’re called Drew Murty and Mr MacWee. I’ve noticed that they don’t seem to like each other. It’s a shame but I don’t think they can cohabit any longer. I’m going to release Mr MacWee into the wild. 

When is the best time to do this? I’m thinking as hamsters are nocturnal then early evening, just as the son has set would be best. 

Should I just release him in my back garden, or will he come back in the house if I do this? Would I be better to drive him into the countryside before releasing him?

I love milk. Seriously. I love it. But the first person who looked at a cow and thought "I'm going to pull on those udders and drink whatever comes out" must have actually been insane

I always get 6 eggs with my weekly shopping. I like a boiled egg every day for my breakfast. But not on a Friday. Never ever on a Friday. I'm a devout catholic so I can't eat meat on a Friday. Anyway. This week the shop accidentally sent me a box of 10 eggs. That's too many for me, and I've already ordered 6 for next week. I've read you need to be careful with eggs and their sell by dates so rather than take any risks I thought I should freeze them. Anyway, a few days later I went to the freezer and the eggs had burst. Does this mean the eggs were fertilised and a baby chicken tried to get out?

I was in the voting booth and I accidentally voted for Biden instead of the great Donald Trump. We need a leader who truly understands how to beat covid - not one who hides behind a mask. How can I get my vote corrected?

I like to get 20 mcnuggets with 4 bbq sauce to dip them and I get a large fries and a double cheeseburger. I get a smarties mcflurry for after. To wash it down I have a diet coke.

President Donald Trump needs to do something about how hot it is. My suggestion is he sends Space Force towards the sun with fire extinguishers and orders them to reduce the sun's temperature. If this doesn't happen then I will almost certainly vote for Joe Biden. He will get things done.

After I do a poo the poo always sticks to the side of the bowl. It's nasty. And theres always skid marks in the bottom of the bowl. It's embarrassing