Jeremy

We are supposed to go on a family cruise and my wife feels insecure about her body. Specifically in the chest region. My mom has ample bosoms but isn't sloppy fat like a lot of big-chested women. My wife is flat chested but has great legs and a cute face. She knows everyone will be wearing a bathing suit but is really anxious. I suggested she wear a t-shirt or just stay covered up but that didn't help. I thought about asking my mom if she could refrain from wearing a bathing suit or maybe just stick with a one piece but I don't know if that's going to make things more awkward.

Should I arrange for a pre-cruise meeting between my mom and my wife so they can work things out? My mom is paying for the cruise so I think we have to be careful about upsetting her.

I think my wife is jealous of my mom. We've been married for over 2 years and it's not getting any better.

My mom and I have always been close. We try to do something together a couple of times a week. Today we went to the movies to see Thor. My wife doesn't like romance movies so she stayed home. I got an earful when we came back and it was really awkward. My mom got upset and stayed in her room the rest of they day.

My mom has always been fit and attractive so I think that adds to the jealousy because my wife could probably stand to lose a few pounds. My mom has tried to help my wife...even offering to the her to the gym but my wife doesn't seem to want to meet her halfway.

Any advice?

Please don't tell me to move because that's not practical right now.

Does it feel good? And does it matter if you know the man well or if he's just a casual acquaintance?

Married 8 months and my wife and my mother fight all the time. This is really stressful on our relationship.

For example, last night my mom and I were watching a movie in our bedroom and my wife wanted to watch something else so they argued about it for over an hour. Eventually we just went to the family room to watch the rest of the movie and let my wife get her way.

Then, today, after dinner my wife kept interrupting a story my mom was telling and when she was instructed on her rudeness my wife insisted I tell my mom to stop yelling even though she was making a lot of good points.

If this keeps up I'm afraid we will have to move out and might not see her as much but I'm not sure what other options we have.

We are on a budget and they have a 2 for $20 special ths Tuesday. My friends think I'm making a mistake but I don't really care. I'm not really that into her anymore and she ain't going nowhere. (no....she's not going to divorce me over this so don't be dramatic)

Yeah...I know...George W Bush. Ok...so I saved all the non-famous retarded people the predictable answer... Let's continue from there.

Especially at one time. Like can I get them all or do I need to gradually get them? And does anyone check up on them after?

Today I was hanging out with my son (17 yrs old) when I pointed to a really attractive woman with huge jugs and said "check out the beautiful cans, son". He got upset and said "Dad, you're married!". It's not like I was cheating or anything I was just being a normal guy. He told my wife about it when we got home so now they're both angry. I don't have this issue with his younger brother. It's not that I'm afraid he's gay, I'm pretty sure he likes chicks but maybe not. Maybe I should be concerned?

How do I teach my son the guy code "bro's before ho's"?

Sometimes I think that my dates will get clingy or might get the wrong impression. I'm just out for a good time. Ladies - if you were dating a guy would you want them to tell you if they were married?

For making George W. Bush look like a great president? I thought Bush would go down as the worst president in history but he's going to end up looking like he belongs on Mt Rushmore when they compare is presidency to Obama's. I honestly think Obama is THE WORST president ever. The only people I know who still support him are those who can't admit they were wrong and the mentally retarded.

I keep seeing all these military guys be called "heroes". I want to be a hero too! Can I join the military but be something administrative and still have people think I'm a hero? That seems really awesome.

Last night when I was giving my wife's labia a good workout, right at the moment of orgasm I yelled "It's sandwich time!".

She got really upset and while I think it might not have been the best thing to say I don't think it was a good reason to freak out and not make the sandwich.

Thoughts?

Every now and then I like sexual variety so I splurge on a prostitute. My wife claims that I'm being insensitive but I am a strong believer in going with professional services. Like a massage or physical therapy.

It's not like I am making any commitment to these women. It's just sex. And yes...I'd be perfectly ok if she decided to do the same (I need to pre-empt all the feeble-minded simpletons on here who roll out predictable replies).

I don't do this very often....maybe a couple of times a week. But my wife says we should be saving that money for the kids' college education. I feel like they can pay for their own college. I did.

She stays at home so she doesn't have to work and she doesn't do the sex very much (like most women). If it's such an inconvenience for her this would seem to be the perfect solution.

Anyway...my question is whether there's a good book I can recommend to her that will help her get some better perspective. She likes to read these "self help" books (which obviously aren't doing any good). So instead of me trying to convince her maybe there's some good author that she'll believe.

We are white. Will they be offended if we have chicken, watermelon, and chitlans? We had that planned regardless but now I am worried they will be offended. I do have a Barak Obama picture hanging in our living room...just like the north Koreans have with glorious leader. Also, I will be wearing a dashiki because Im multicultural.

If you are married and have sex with some random chick and then you feel a litte bad about it, doesn't that help offset it somewhat? And before you ask....yes, if my wife was sorry that she did some guy I wouldn't think it was tgat bad.

I haven't really felt sorry about any of the sex I've had with their women, I'm just wondering if I did if tgat would ake it better.

We're having an extended family get-together at the beach next week and I wanted to play a funny prank on her brother who is gay. Everyone in the family knows except for their parents so it'll be really funny because it's an inside joke. I was thinking about putting gay magazines in his room or maybe the refrigerator but that's all I have right now.

Any other ideas?

My wife and I are in our early 40's and when I do her I find myself getting a queasy stomach. Especially beforehand when I think about that old wrinkly body being so close to me. I can't imagine the disgust older couples (like in their 50's) must feel when they look at each other.

Is there some medication or just an over the counter anti-acid that I shoud take before we make love? I don't want to drive my wife the pleasure I provide but it's getting harder to get aroused when I think about all that sagging.

She's really special and I lover her a lot. She is sweet and tolerant and patient and doesn't bug me about staying married or get upset when I cancel dates because one f my kids is sick or something.

I'm thinking about lingere or a sex toy.

Thoughts?

And please don't say something stupid like "one" because I will laugh at how absurd you are.

I'm thinking I get like 10 or 15 before it needs to be an issue

We had to stop off at the hardware store and I told my wife she had to finish her banana before she could come into the store. For obvious reasons...

She's upset but I was just trying to protect her honor.