nemesis114

.... should I take his stabilisers away?

I was in the local Tesco store and wanted to turn the contents of my piggy bank into notes (used, of course, for security) and I misread the sign on the machine because I had left my specs in my secret laboratory.

I didn't realise that the instruction was to insert PENNIES in the slot and after some nastiness involving my todger and the inner workings of the machine I was finally freed by the Fire Brigade.

It's not all bad news though as now I have two lovely ten pound notes and my willy has now been pulled out to 12 inches.

Should send a stiff letter to Tescos or should I go back tomorrow with some more coins?

My driving instructor kept telling me today that I was in the wrong gear.

Don't you think he should keep his fashion advice to himself.

should I get the clutch on my horseless carriage adjusted by those cheeky chappies at Kwik Fit so that pulling away from the kerb is smoother?

I could get sucked off?

Should I go to the hospital now or should I wait and see if there is any change tomorrow?

is it me or is the acting in Thunderbirds a bit wooden?

and all I had done was asked the young lady assistant if she could show me her large knockers then she hit me with a hammer and called the manager.

Now what should I do - should I just buy a doorbell?

This morning in Greggs I asked the lady behind the counter if I could give her baps a good hard squeeze to test them.

She hit me with a baguette and chased me from the store - what is the world coming to?

This morning the knob on my particle accelerator came off in my hand after I jiggled about a bit too much and now I've misplaced the pesky thing somewhere in my underground base.

Does anyone know if B and Q stock parts for secret labs as my plans to punch a hole in reality are scuppered without it?

Oh, and does anyone have a chimpanzee going spare?

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20090506/twl-fan-commit...

Can you say that you are this committed to your team?

Or is this taking it a bit too far?

over his shamefu attempted betrayal of the Gurkhas. Is this country finally waking up to this joke of a Prime Minister?

I am taking delivery of a mating pair of hippos next week. Does anyone know what size tank I will need and if they get along with guinea pigs?

Mahatma Gandhi or Jean-Paul Sartre?

What's best for him?

He drives an old Ford Escort XR3i and has insisted on having a body kit and wide wheels fitted and one of those noisy exhausts.

Should he go fully comp or will third party do?

I worry because I hear all the time that dogs have no road sense - what should I do?

..........in the middle of my living room.

It's very off putting having him constantly on the phone buying and selling shares and ordering stationery supplies for his company.

Should I stop him?

Or should I form a partnership with him?

If I painted myself in ultraviolet paint from head to foot do you think I would become invisible or should I just hide behind things?

This is for my hobby of hiding in ladies toilets.

With all the questions I have recently asked about those scamps (the police) and their homicidal and violent ways should I now fear for my safety?

I wouldn't want to get accidentally murdered a bit by one of them and then discover that I was asking for it.

Don't you think it's unfair that the police aren't allowed to assault and kill innocent people without some pesky so and so videoing them in the act? Especially when they have gone to all that effort to lie about their actions and squash any CCTV footage.

I personally would happily let them beat the crap out of me as it would probably be for my own safety and security.