Zoe

I have known my friend for 25 years. We have been besties for over 20 of those years. Everything was great between us until he got into a relationship. His partner of 3 years is jealous and controlling and doesn't like his friends. His partner created a new 'rule' that he didn't want him to talk on the phone during the evenings, which is when we talked. So my friend stopped calling and we barely talk any more.

He told me "I am not available in the evenings, but if you want to talk you can call me during your work hours." (There is a 3-hour time difference.)

How would you react? What would you say?

I have a friend I've known for 24 years. The last few years, he's taken to 'formalizing' our friendship and trying to put me on a schedule like I am a meeting. "Let's talk at 7pm on Thursday..." the minute 8 rolls around, he has to go, even if it's mid-conversation. It seems like he's trying to control the conversation and/or it feels really sterile. It's pretty annoying. We only talk like once a month. At first, it was because he is in a relationship with a controlling person who tries to dictate what hours he can use the phone. But it seems he's got used to this and even when that person isn't home or out of town, he's retaining that behavior. Obviously, his partner's behavior is troublesome, but I can't fix that. I can say that it's really affecting the friendship and how I feel about him. I really don't look forward to talking to him any more and am really starting to rethink the friendship. I can see he now has a personal style/preference for our communications, but I definitely don't see eye to eye on that. What is the best way to tell him this where it will be best received? Thx

There's a tiny hole inside my mouth on the inner cheek. The middle is yellow, which my dentist said is fatty tissue. It hasn't gone away or changed shape or size in months, has no red around the edges, and isn't a canker sore. I went to an ENT and they suggested it was related to the salivary gland and that it would just get bigger and bigger and then pop. I don't think this diagnosis is correct, it hasn't enlarged at all and doesn't look like something that could pop. I'm not confident in either opinion. It is painless and my teeth/mouth are in great shape. Any idea of what it is and how long I can expect it to last? Am I in any danger?

I am in my late 30s. I have a mom (single parent) who has control/power issues. She is still trying to micromanage my health and can be very aggressive. She is well intentioned, but doesn't realize that the constant obsessive harping over my weight and diet actually sets me back instead of helps me.

(For the record, I am not obese. But am putting on weight above my frame.)

The constant forceful behavior doesn't help, plus I have a history of eating disorders (likely encouraged by this behavior) and I think it's really irresponsible for her to keep going on about it considering.

I've basically told her that it can't continue to go on, and that she needs to stop or it will negatively impact our relationship, and that if it is what I can come to expect, I will need to limit our conversations with one another. If she is going to come to visit with an "agenda" then the visit shouldn't happen.

Am I right to stand my ground on this and to tell her to stop trying to control me? Is it wrong for her to threaten canceling a visit over this?! It seems so absurd she is willing to even do this...

It's a real overreaction for sure, but I think it has more to do with her being upset I am standing up to her out of control issues she has than anything even related to weight.

Can anyone offer up their perspectives/advice?

I am currently working at a tech place that allows workers to bring their dogs. Besides thinking this is in theory a nice work perk, the reality is that not everyone is a dog person, plus I have allergies. I like to stay focused on my work and there are always dogs running around and rubbing up against me and wanting to be pet. I realize that in our society, not being a dog person is supposed to be a negative thing, but in general I like to separate my business and personal life and think this business model takes it too far. Even during the job interview they brought a dog in the small room alone with us and it was really unprofessional. I get it, companies are trying to be hip and cool, but there is still a time and place and a workspace that is productive is made less so by an animal constantly interrupting, even in an interview. I'm sure the responses I will get are 'put up with it' if you want to be there, but given that it isn't a line of business that involves pets or animals, I find it really out of place and unusual and I'm very good at my job and don't think I should be excluded from the role because I'm not into dogs. My question is - given that I do work there and am a fan of the work I do, should I make it known that I am not a dog person? Or if not that, maybe allude to the fact that it's not exactly my thing, in a way that won't be offensive to them but will also allow others to lower their expectations about how engaged I am supposed to be in their dogs? How?

There is only one. It is small, white/cream colored. It is circular and seems like the white is puss. No drainage, and no red circle around it or depression like a canker sore would have and it is also painless. I am a non-smoker and can't imagine it could be mouth cancer. I had a canker sore near it and that healed already but it's still there after a week and a half and doesn't seem to be smaller. What could it be?

Should I see my regular dr about this or a dentist? Will either one be able to do a biopsy or would they send me off somewhere to do that and am I better off scheduling an appt with someone who can just do that? Thanks.

I had what I thought was a great flirting experience at a club last month. We hung out and talked for an hour and the vibe was great, excellent body language, leaning in, hand on my waist, dancing together, etc. There seemed to be a lot of chemistry and connection. I asked if I could give him my number at the end of the night and he seemed really excited and texted me immediately so I could have his. The club posted a picture later that week that we were both in so I texted it over. He said the photo was awesome and asked how I was doing and we were very chatty via text. I checked in the next week and asked what he was up to on the weekend, he was skiing out of state. I mentioned he could feel free to get in touch if he’d like to get together and that he seemed interesting and I really wanted to know more about him. He said he appreciated it and would be in touch. It has been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard back.

I’m not sure if I should continue to approach him. I feel like I’ve taken the initiative and done my best to show interest, at the club and following up, and the ball was in his court last time we texted to follow up and a long enough period seems to have reasonably passed that I think he would have got back to me by now if he was taking any of it seriously. Is that the correct assumption to make? Should I follow up one more time? If so, what should I say? As a female, I am fairly new to being the pursuer. My objective is to date him. Please advise! Thanks!

I saw the dentist two months ago. I have noticed that if I eat really hot or really cold foods, my teeth feel sensitive. If I eat a crunchy potato chip, the texture can also make my teeth feel sensitive. I went in feeling fine (even with the cavities, I didn't feel them) and it seems I have a lot more problems. Is this because something was done wrong in filling them, the material used, or could it be related to the numbing shot? I've had those before but the last time one of the shots hurt really bad and took like a week and a half to feel normal again, might he have hit a nerve or caused some kind of damage that would result in this? Experts, please weigh in. Not sure what to do or why this might be, or if I should see someone else entirely. Thanks

The bonus wasn't "a guarantee" and was supposedly contingent on whether or not there was enough budget left for 2015 to accomodate it.

Basically, I was getting seriously lowballed at work salary-wise, and took a stand. The number they came back with was closer to what I had in mind but I still had a figure higher by $2k. Instead of tacking it onto the salary, I was told that amount would be given to me as a bonus instead.

My boss's supervisor (who would be writing the check) seemed really optimistic he could do it. It's been nearly a month and I wanted to follow up, but my boss has a passive personality and she insisted to give him more time and that he would likely come through this week before he left on vacation (he didn't) and now she's saying to wait another two weeks until she meets with him again at which time she'll bring it up.

She seems really bitter I was offered this at all as he doesn't give bonuses and it brings our salaries closer together so she's been hesitant to ask him about it and has advised I go through her when communicating with him.

I'm frustrated because I feel she isn't "a fighter" and is really overly passive about this and doesn't have much of an interest in fighting on my behalf now that I got a salary adjustment, and this amount is really important to me.

Am I correct in feeling slighted by all this and am I rightful to inquire about this bonus and should I fight for it if they try to deny it to me all this time?

Hello. I'm trying to think of a way to ask my boss to a meeting about my salary range but I work at a non-profit and want to be tactful with my terminology, so I want to use words/phrase that suggest raise without sounding so fiscally driven. Any alternate words or phrases? "I'd like to set up a meeting to discuss... (insert here)"

Any suggestions? Thanks!

These are my settings. I used to use these settings and it was a quick conversion, now it's taking 7 hours to a few days to convert a 45 min video. Why? What can I change? The video will be uploaded to Vimeo. Thx

EXPORT SETTINGS:

H.264

Preset: Vimeo HD 1080p 23.976

Output Name: Title and save location

Check Export Video & Export Audio

Profile: Main

Level: 5.1

Width: 1920

Height 1080

Frame rate: 23.976

Square Pixels (1.0)

NTSC

Bitrate: VBR, 2 Pass

Target Bitrate: 10

Max 40

Check Render at Max Depth

Check Use Max Render Quality

AUDIO

AAC

48000Hz

Channels: Stereo

Audio: High

Bitrate: 320

Advanced Settings: Precedence: Bitrate

I've noticed this bizarre trend lately. This has happened to me a few times so it's either a bizarre string of coincidences or there's some reason for it.

When I have a birthday party, all my friends show up. They seem genuinely happy to see me and even come bearing gifts (not expected) and bring merriment. But shortly after, a few of them have had birthdays, and I haven't been invited. Nothing bad happened between any of us. These are people who don't know each other, by the way. What could be the reason they want to share in my birthday and don't invite me to theirs? I'm trying not to take it personal but it sure is an icky feeling.

About two years ago, I moved all the way across the country post grad-school and started a new life. New place, job, world. This isn't the first time I've moved far away or began anew. Yet for some reason, this time it feels really different. I am worlds away from my family and friends and for the first time, I see it. My family dynamics are changing a lot - my father died years ago, my pet passed a few years ago, my grandparents are at the end of their lives and they are so far away I only see them once a year, single parent ended up in a relationship with someone I have a hard time with, and I just feel really distant from it all (my family was really close growing up). The circle I consider my family has grown smaller and smaller and feels nonexistent. Best friends have grown apart over time and I only have one true friend who lives on the other side of the country. Socially, I'm having a hard time here. I'm extroverted but don't think I'm attracting people who have an interest in very deep friendships and haven't dated in a good while. I feel really alone and uncared about and am not feeling the confidence I used to. Not to mention, I just feel really lost and like I don't know who I am suddenly. Maybe the loss of relationships in my life has spun me into some odd limbo state. There has to be a way to make this work and figure it out and find my way in the world as I used to. Is this normal? have you ever felt this way? What did you do to get grounded again? Help :(

Week 1 was cold symptoms (congestive), week 2 has been more sore throat related, and now week 3 has been my stomach, which has been grumbling and cramping. I can keep down food and have solid stools. What can I do about this? I've been to the doctor a few times prior to this week and they've said it's viral and thus antibiotics won't work and to just ride it out. At what point should I see a doctor again? Is there anything I can do to make my stomach less upset? Anyone ever had a virus like this? Thanks

I host a movie night and take acquaintances on tours through cool art galleries, but it doesn't seem this solidifies or builds deeper connections - just makes for some entertainment. Are there other activities or suggestions that have worked for you with respect to making actual friends? It's so hard to live in a city without friends and difficult to know how to get closer to people. Thanks!

I m mid-30s and having a difficult time with the dating scene. I get attention at the club, I see eyes on me and interest from others but they rarely approach or ask for name/digits. I am fairly attractive and intelligent, confident, talented, and charismatic. I have often been told by men that I am "intimidating", not in a bad way of course but in a way that tends to make them hold back or loose confidence to step forward. I m not the type to make the first move. What can I do to help encourage men to talk to me and start the process of taking things further? Thanks

I just found out through the slip of the tongue that a supposed good friend is having a last-minute birthday party, and didn't invite me. I know this wasn't accidental as she just texted me today about an invite for something today I couldn't go to and said something to the effect of 'see you next week then?' when her party is in three days. I've done a lot for this person and always shown up for her the past year and a half. I'm feeling really hurt and bruised and don't know the best way to tackle it with her and if that's something I should do pre- or post- party. We also share the same mutual friends and see each other like once a week so things are going to get potentially even more awkward than they already are if this isn't well handled. I'm not sure I should be this angry considering I think she's a slightly abusive person (she doesn't treat her boyfriend or dog very well) so maybe this isn't a huge loss but considering our social ties and how much I've done to support her, I am shocked and I don't know what approach would work best for her and want to make my life the least awkward and drama-free as possible. I have lived in this new city the past year and a half and these people are some of the closer folks I know so I can't really afford to lose those connections. What would you do? Please help. I'm totally hurting on this one. :(