My son is 15 and was recently caught smoking pot.?
He went to live with his father for 6 months because he thought he would have more freedom there. He did not speak to me much during that time and broke my heart. Now he is back and we are getting along most of the time. He goes to counseling and his privledges are based upon a clear urine test once a month. His father wants to send him away to a boarding school, but I feel that what he needs most is structure and love from me. I have always given the love and am just starting to be more structured with him. He is doing poorly in school although he has a very high IQ; he doesn't care a bit about his grades. He is a very talented musician and wants to persue that area. Would boarding school help him learn more discipline or make him resent me?
Anonymous2006-07-03T10:30:12Z
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How does he feel about boarding school? Does it oppose it? Sounds like you are a very dedicated, devoted mother...Keep him in counselling. probably the separation of mother and father is playing a role in his behaviors and his grades...also, he's 15!!!! thank god they grow UP to become men.....good luck
1st of, Your husband is wrong for wanting to send him away, that tells a teenager that his parents don't want to deal with him or his problems. Your son is probably just really confused and going through puberty, it is more difficult for some teens than others. Playing one parent against another is a perfect sign of that. Probably the 3 of you should be counseling together so that there are no gray areas in what his issues are with the two of you and he knows what you expect of him. At this point, since he has already experimented with drugs it is vital that he feel like he can communitcate openly with both of you. Boarding School will only cause him to get into more trouble. Tell you ex that you don't want to give up on your child, and yes most likely he will resent you. Sending the problem away does not solve the problem. My youngest son was a pain in the a$$ when he was that age, and I stuck it out with him, no easy task, but we are closer than ever now, he is doing really well and I am so proud of him. He is 21 now, Just recieved his 4th stripe from the AirForce (he got it almost a year early) and his really learned how to communicate when he has a problem now. One thing that sticks in my mind today about his teenage "rampage" is that when I finally just sat him down and made him talk to me, he finally told me, "Mom, I just don't know where I fit". I immediately took that phrase and started breaking it down into, areas that I could help him or get him help. It takes time and I'm not gonna lie to you, it was a long and painful journey, but it was worth every tear. Good Luck!!
Boarding school is a bad idea unless it has programs that your SON is interested in. Bright kids are easily bored by crap they don't want to do and their grades suffer. And kids can get drugs at boarding schools, too - just like inmates in prison. Find something he loves and support it. Let him try new things that he can look forward to - an Outward Bound adventure course, scuba diving, music lessons. Let him know that other things are important too - like if he were to become a professional musician, he'd better know how to keep track of his own $$. Remember how many musicians and athletes have been ripped off by their managers? Michael Jackson bought the rights to the Beatles' songs and Paul McCartney got screwed. Math and English aren't just for geeks!
There are different kinds of love,sounds like you need to use tough love!He would definitly learn respect and responsibility from boarding school,maybe not such a bad idea,would get him away from the people who he is associating with.Good luck God bless:O)
I think that would send him off the edge. What he needs is his family. He needs lots of love and lots of direction. He needs to know there are rules and that he must follow them. Dont try to be his friend so he'll like you. Kids dont want to be friends with their parents, they want discipline and direction and love from them. He needs to know your there for him not just shipping him off somewhere. Why not make it that he needs to bring his grades up in order to play music ?