I want to thank a person who stepped aside to let me be the first, and who's always encouraging me to work hard and become better :-) That is true generosity for me.
So I thought about this, about the differences between true generosity and those attitudes or people that seem generous but ultimately will demand payback from us... What do you do when you detect this? Do you accept the favor anyway? And how do you know it's authentic? Do you find yourself expecting something in return when you give? Thanks :-)
NeuroProf2006-07-12T08:30:42Z
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I think it's a motivational difference. Even truly generous people do not do this selflessly- The ethics and character of these people is such that helping others, giving to deserving people, and making their lives better somehow, is a huge reward in itself. The act increases the self-esteem of these people, and usually makes the beneficiary a closer friend or family member. In addition, it makes it easier to ask for favors later, or to feel less guilty for depending on that person for something...that's not to say there is anything clearly in the mind of the person giving, as far as *payback*, but that this is now a person you no longer feel guilty for asking for help. For true freindship, this is how it should be-you can ask them for help without feeling quilty, and they can do the same of you....it is a critical part of a social network, and thus when you give a lot, you develop relationships of mutual aid, and your life improves immensely. If you have many people like this in your life, you don't have to worry about taking favors from those who expect payback. i personally don't have a problem with a relationship in whch payback is expected...that type of relationship is very common in business, and banking, for instance. It's a type of horsetrading- "Tell ya what-if you do this favor for me, then I'll do *X* for you" This is a typical human interaction, and can be very useful, and is perfectly natural. The only problem comes when the person attempts to pretend that the relationship is one of mutual aid, and not one of trade... In that case, I make it clear that this is a trading relationship (which I am comfortable with), and not a true freindship. In freindship, the wellbeing of the other person is the reward....helping the person who deserves it makes you feel good, and thus is the motivation. You may have mutual aid from this person (typically) but you do for them regardless of this. I cannot picture a friendship developing in which the other never does anything for you (that is easily within their power), or does not try to enhance your mood as well, so it's difficult for me to seperate mutual aid freindships from truly altruistic relationships.
True generosity is quit intricate if you really think about it. I mean yeah sure help someone out and not think twice about it expect nothing in return, but deep down, some where down the line this mannor can be self distructive, and people can use you till theres nothing left. I would say that true generosity is selflesness with a lesson. to feed a mouse you sustain the bear. true generosity kinda like the other saying you give a man a fish he eats for a day, you teach a man to fish he feeds him self everyday"i might have that saying wrong" but you know what i mean! sharing knowlege is true generosity
to be generous first means expecting no recompense. a generous person gives of their time and talent, and gives from their heart. generosity knows no bounds, but it does require sincerity. you cannot always see the strings that may be attached by someone with a motive, or by someone who will look for you to repay a kindness with another. and for those who give freely and mean to influence you by doing so... there's a special place set aside for them.
no, the truly generous person gives out of love, love for others and love for themselves. if you give away that which you do not love, is that really giving? if you pass on that which you were going to discard anyway, is that truly generosity? if you treat generosity as a credit plan from which you can later make a withdrawal, is that kindness? no.
my advice is to accept any favor in the spirit in which it is offered. if you feel that someone will expect something later, perhaps you will be generous enough to be able to offer it when they need it most. start a new thing!
personally, for me the knowledge that MY time and talents are appreciated by some jenerous (yes, with a J) person makes it all worthwhile to me: i expect nothing and yet i receive everything in return, and how beautiful that is!
My dad taught me something at a very young age. To give without expectations is a great reward all in itself. I have 5 children and I want them to be the same way. I have noticed that when I for example hold a door open for an elderly person, and then they turn around and smile and tell me thank you, I feel good inside. I now see my sons holding doors for people, letting them in the front of the line at the grocery store, saying please, thank you and how are you. And actually hearing the answers. That to me is true generosity. I love my dad for the lesson that he taught me and I was able to hand down to my kids.