my bf usually comes to pick me up after classes however today my battery on my phone died and after about 20 mins of waiting i went home when i tried to call him when i got home he didnt answer his phone later on that day he called me back and was cursing me and shouting at me claiming i didnt answer my phone after class when he was calling....i tired to explain that my battery died and he just said " things like that does happen to you because you dont charge your f**Kin phone" i got angry and just told him enjoy the rest of his day and hung up.....we arent talking now but what do you think i should do and what would you have done if u were in my shoes?
thanks
ldeweyjr2007-01-17T15:45:17Z
Favorite Answer
He's testing you. Subconsciously, he wants to determine how much control he has over you. If you accept this verbal abuse, expect more to follow. Any reasonable person knows that cell phone batteries die and that sometimes people forget to recharge them. He may have some control issues and since he is used to being able to call you any time of the day, when he can't call you he becomes suspicious. Here is a suggested response, assuming you want to continue the relationship. Let him know that his conduct was unacceptable and nothing warranted his verbal abuse. Then tell him that in the future, if he can not reach you he should simply leave a voice-mail and you'll call him back when it is convenient. Then you run a few controlled tests...Ignore his calls a few times. Don't answer and tell him you were busy. See if his behavior is modified. You may even want to modify your own behavior. Don't be so anxious to run home and call him to explain why he couldn't reach you. You didn't owe him an explanation in the first place.
First of all things like this happen simply because they happen, it's not you planned it, is he nuts? lol He has some serious issues! So you forgot to recharge the batteries on your phone, so what? It’s not the end of the world!! Why was he late anyway? Plus I would think that when he didn't find you were he usually picks you up, the first thing he should do is call you to check on you and make sure you ok. Second, he should have listened to your explanation instead of exploding… he didn't even give you a chance to explain what happened.
My husband also picks me up after my late evening classes and one time I was in a hurry to catch my class and forgot my cell phone at home. The traffic near the place where he usually picks me up was so jammed and he was like 30 minutes late and I didn't know why. When it was dark I went inside the computer lab and eventually he showed up looking for me there. No one was yelling at anyone, he was worried and so was I and after hearing each other's explanation we both understood that the situation was both of our hands! Small issues like this should never ruin our day!! So, you didn't do anything wrong dear, he needs anger management classes or something!
first off i would have stop him in the middle of all that and told him to stop talk out side of his neck, and just listen. I would have told him that the phone had died. and ask him why didn't he come to pick me up. second- If he is the one went off on u then let him call u back. Don't let him think it is okay to talk to u like that because it is not! third- wit any man he has to learn a lesson 1. not to have u waitin on him( he should have been there waiting on u.) 2. not to talk to u like that ( if u always answered the phone there had to be a good reason u didn't this time.) 3. (the most important one) never call him let him call u! but when he call u act like thing happened. Because as long as a man think he can make u get up set he is going to always push ur buttons.. Just let it roll off and believe me he will call u. :)
I would have tried to use a pay phone in the area if there was one nearby and if not and I had no other way to contact him I would have left and gone home if he hadn't shown up.
As for his attitude when he called swearing I would have explained what happened, apologized for him having to wait for me when I wasn't there, and explain that he was late and I thought he would not be able to make it to pick me up and so I left. If he still wants to make an issue out of it then let him, he's obviously the type of person to hold stupid pointless grudges over nothing, so let him, when he decides he's done pouting and ready to use the big boy voice again then bonus. If he keeps acting the same as now, then no loss on your part obviously!
Hooray for you, girl! You did _exactly the right thing_. If what you say he says to you and the WAY he says it is true, then he's not only a bully with an anger issue, but someone who's accustomed to manipulating people and needing total CONTROL. Take my word for it, girl, but this is just the tip of the iceburg--this guy's future-Trouble with a capital T. Use your own good sense and totally distance yourself from this one--there's always someone better right around the corner. Don't be surprised, however, if after you've ended this relationship, that he bad-mouths you to everyone; that's just how bullys of his caliber operate.