your husband refused to do any of the chores or help take care of the kids?
My husband works full time and I work 2 part time jobs and am a full time student. Right now I am only working 1 part time job (I just had a baby and am still on maternity leave for the 2nd part time job) and I am doing school, cleaning the whole house, and taking care of the kids. When he gets off work he just comes home and sits on his butt playing on the internet. I have tried talking to him, nagging him, fighting with him, and even threatening to get a place of my own since I'm doing everything anyway. I don't want him to do it all, but I don't want to do it all either! It's half his responsibility too. What would you do? And please don't say divorce because I don't want to leave the man, I just want him to do his share.
No More2007-02-16T09:10:57Z
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Actually I think you should add one full time job to your list. HOUSEKEEPER! I know from my own experience that some of the household tasks are a little intimidating for a man. I can do the vacuuming because the vacuum cleaner is just another power tool in my books. But cooking is more than a chore, & sorting laundry is another daunting task. I would rather paint a room than cook a single meal without my wifes help. We men tend to look at the laundry room, & the kitchen as the womens territory. The thing is, if my wife would be a little more patient with me & offer some guidance in those areas, I would be a little more willing to step in & help there. (BTW, I did three loads of laundry yesterday, & am just taking a break from the folding)
I recommend that you work out a chore board with him. Share the workload with him. If he says that he'll do the things that he's scheduled to do, then you leave those things for him, & don't get mad & do them yourself when he lets things slide. Include time for him to spend with the kids on that board as well. When it's his time then at least for the 1st little while GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Go shopping, or visit a friend that is very far away, & not so convenient for him to call you back in when the going gets tough.
I know he comes home & plunks his behind down on the couch, or in front of the computer. He does that because YOU LET HIM. Yeah, I know you think that nagging & fighting with him is not letting him get away with it, but believe me, it's a small price to pay compared to what he thinks is "MAN HELL". I promise you he thinks that you have an easier time doing all of that stuff than he would, just because you are a woman. Women are born for household chores, & raising our kids. Men are made for manly stuff like going off to work, & comming home after a hard day & trying to do as much as we can from a sitting position. He has to know that being a father to his kids requires more than a donation of sperm, or yelling out orders from the chair he happens to be in.
You are dead right, & he either knows it, or he's an idiot who is on the fast track to a divorce. From a mans perspective, I think he knows it. But somehow he believes that he can get away with his current behaviour, or he knows his time with it is running out, & he's stretching the boundaries for all that it's worth. (I'm ratting him out here, ha ha ha!)
Like I said, let him know what his tasks are going to be, & when they need to be done. Then let it stand. If he doesn't do it, then he's not just letting you down, it's his entire family, & when guys realize that is what they are doing it becomes a strong motivator to get busy & do his share.
Sit him down and calmly and rationally talk to him. Tell him how frustrated you are and you need help with the kids. After all he is a parent also so it's his responsibility to do his share. Or take the kids, leave his lazy butt and get as much child support you can from him. Hurt him financially.
I agree with Tab on this one. Dr Phils man camp show is great. This will teach him how to do things and it will also teach you how to deal with and handle this situation with your husband. Stop nagging and fighting about him with it and see help from Dr Phil. http://www.drphil.com is the website to go to. You are right divorce is not the answer here. You just need help to learn how to deal with it and try to get help for something to change in the home. I wish you the best. Like I said i feel that Dr Phil can really help you in this situation. Hugs to you today.
Try asking for specifically what you want, when you want it, and if possible provide a choice. "Honey, right now, the dishes need to be done, and the baby needs a bath. Which one would you rather do? I'll do the other one." This method often works for the simple reason that it provides a multiple choice response, of which one is NOT "do nothing". Give it a try.
Why are you doing so much? If you chose to have children and then do all these side activities....it's never gonna work out- something will get neglected (husband,kids,school,work). Read "the proper care and feeding of husbands"- it has some really good advice that will help you open your husband's eyes.