LADIES - What if he refuses to go to the "friend zone."?
I'm reposting this question because the answers I got before were insufficient.
LAdies, you've been in this situation. A guy you thought was "just a friend" suddenly steps up to the plate and says they have romantic feelings for you. You tell them, sorry but you just want to "stay friends." Us guys? We all know this is BS. It's not that you want to be "just friends" its really that you're not attracted to us on the outside. Some guys, the weaker ones, will just accept your words and go hide in a closet somewhere hoping eventually you'll notice how "nice" they are. But some guys will stand up to you and say, "no, I'm better than that."
The guy shouldn't give you an ultimatum, but really, you do have to make a choice. Will you actually allow this guy in for consideration or will you have to cut him out of your life? Think about it, if he's good enough to be "just a friend" then isn't he good enough to possibly be a boyfriend?
Anonymous2007-05-22T15:24:02Z
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Sometimes, there are times when a girl has something going on in her life where she isnt ready to go out with him yet and just needs some time to be alone, she will push a guy into the "friend zone" until she is ready to have a deeper relationship with him. This is a common use of the "friend zone".
Another use would be when a girl really doesnt want to go out with a guy, but she doesnt want to hurt his feelings. The "friend zone" is a conveniant spot for insecure men. Only real jerk girls will ever do this to a guy.
But most of the time, what a girl wants a guy friend and is very suprised when he hits on her. I mean, she thaught that maybe for once there would be a guy who was off limits who she could talk to and not be afraid of him trying to use the friendship to get sexual relations. But then he starts being romantic and it upsets her. So she pushes him back down again.
Its not a question of how attractive a guy is or how much she loves him, the thing a guy needs to do is find the real reason why she is pushing him down and accepting himself enough to know that he might have to wait.
I think you answered your own question she probably is not attracted to you romantically. I've had lots of guy friends that I was not attracted to that way! And I really do want to be just friends. I do not think the guys that accept 'no' are weak just realistic. Quit with the second guessing what she's really saying. She said what she feels accept it and move on. Too bad you can't just be friends back doesn't sound as though she wants to cut you out of her life.
Well you need to think of it from the woman's point of view. Why should she go out with her best guy friend if she knew that she wasn't attracted to him? You can't learn to love someone. It either comes naturally or it doesn't. And when the man and the woman break it off, she will be barely scarred, but the man will be heart broken which sometimes leads to anger and awkwardness. Then, he is losing the love of his life AND possibly his best friend. She is losing her best friend and she has to deal with that guilt everyday. Actually, it isn't the wimpy one's who "crawl into a closet" as you say, but they are the strong ones. They are also smart as they know that they can lose someone very dear to them if they push it. The wimpy ones are the ones who can't let the girl go and keep getting into her face. They, are the ones that will ultimately lose their heart and the girl. Think about it.
SO, I give him the "just friends" line, and instead of lurking away, he say, politley mind you
"No, we cant be just friends. I want to see if theres more here, and if you arent interested, I cant be your friend"?
Would I take the shot? Sure. I mean, if I value his friendship, and dont want to date cause I am afraid I will lose him as a friend, then his ultimatium means at least if it doesnt work I may not lose him, as I took the shot.
If I was disinterested, and did not want to date, nor be friends anymore, than I'd tell him how sorry I was we couldnt be friends, and be on my way.
If the chemistry isn't there, it's just not going to happen. I have guy friends, and they're just that... nothing more. They're great guys and will make some girl a terrific boyfriend... but I will never be that girl and they know it. So, we're all cool with that.