My fiance has 2 chlildren with his ex girlfriend. They are 2 and a half and 5. Our son togther is 16 months. They are visiting us this week and my husband and my parents thinks it would be a good idea to move them in with us because their mother doesn't work or take care of the house--its really dirty and she cant even keep up with any of the toys and clothes WE buy since she has no other means accept tmaybe foodstamps. I think they should come live with us too only I'm thinking in another year and my husband wants to take them NOW. The problem I have with this is that if we take them on now i am afraid we wont be able to save the money for a wedding in the spring and we were also planning to have another baby as soon as we got married. I feel that its just cheaper to pay child support for another year and then take them on instead of now. Am I selfish for not compromising my dreams to take them right now instead of later?
Schwinn2007-06-12T13:06:23Z
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When you hook up with a man who has children from another relationship, it is a package deal. It is their father's responsibility to take care of them, especially since their mother isn't taking care of them. You can love these children if you give them a chance and you can make a big influence in their lives.
First off, what will the children's mother say about this idea? If she is against the idea you could have a custody battle on your hands. Secondly, the children and what they need comes before any wedding, any additional children or further wants and needs. If they really are living in such bad conditions then do what has to be done to get them in a safe and healthy enviroment. I don't think it has anything to do with selfishness, just what is the right thing to do. Look at it from your child's view. Would you want your child living like that for another year or two just so you can have a nice wedding or would you rather know for sure your child was being taken care of? I'm sure you'll make the right choice.
Take a look at what you are saying here before you say anything to him. Putting a wedding before his kids [his flesh and blood] ,may cause tension! 1st. His children are more important then a wedding. Them being in a loving, clean home with you 2 as good examples should be a 1st priority. 2. The 3 kids you have already need taking care of 1st before another enters the picture. 3. You love all of them and there is no reason you can't have a smaller wedding. You have a family there that loves you and in my eyes [for me anyway] that is what is really, really important. Why does another baby being born have to be right then? Just relax, count your blessings and take care of your kids. I wish we had kids ! I also gave up my dream wedding to marry my husband when he was on leave. Love is what matters in the end. Take care and I wish you the very best!
It dosent sound like you're very committed to taking them. Thats Ok, you should really be honest with yourself and everyone else about it though.
First of all is their Mom willing to just let you take them? If they've been living with her full time why take them now? Because the house is messy, that's a really weak excuse. Their Mom probally dosent work because she takes care of two small children. If you take on all these kids you won't be working either and your house might be a bit messy too. You do realise that most of the child care will fall on you.
My advice is if the kids are fine leave them with their Mom and continue to pay child support. Get married, hold off on another baby until you're sure of what you want for your child and your fiance's children.
Yes, you're being selfish. You all think the kids should live with you, a 2 1/2 and 5 year old are not that expensive and he wouldn't have to pay child support anymore. Postpone the wedding until you can afford it, or do it smaller.