I need to ask again... An old friend's child died... What would you do???
We were fairly close in H.S. ... double dated... went out as friends.. etc... BUT it has been 20 years since I have seen or spoke with him... I am not sure it would be appropriate to send a card... I don't know his wife nor did I know his son that tragically died in a car accident... I don't want to upset his wife... Seeing that I do not know her... But I do want to let my old classmate know my heart aches for his loss... He lives too far for me to see him in person... should I leave it be or send a card and hope I don't offend anyone... :(
Anonymous2007-12-29T10:16:20Z
Favorite Answer
Do send them a card -- sympathy is never out of place. Even though you don't know his wife, you can still feel her pain and loss, and to extend your sympathy and caring to them would be a kindness.
I lost a son. It's OK to send a card. I lost alot of "friends" during this period because they didn't know what to do or say and just did nothing. The best thing was I found out who truly cared for us at that time. People don't know what to do, but at a time like that people want to know others care. If it is bothering you so much now, think how you will question it the rest of your life if you do nothing! Let your friend know that you care! His wife will not mind, believe me--she has other things to worry about right now.
Depending on how long ago the child passed depends on your gesture...
If it was recent, just give them time, or send a simple "thinking of you" card....a deli tray was a life saver...we were in no shape to prepare food....
Don't press for details or attempt to gain information that is hurtful.
Remember after this kind of loss, the parent is not really going to be "there". When my daughter passed, so many people came to the funeral, and came and spoke to me, but I can barely remember anyone....
Sending sincere condolences is never unappreciated. Just send the card. Don't include a phone number or anything like "call me sometime". Just the card. Say sorry for his loss. Leave it at that.
Send your condolences. The past doesn't matter when the present is so painful for them. They need all the support they can get right now. It would matter to him even more to know that your thoughts are still with him after all this time. Don't worry about his wife being offended...she has much more pressing things on her mind right now.