my mom is a wonderful, caring person who gets stepped on, by just about everyone but me and my grandpa. my grandpa has health problems so my mom helps out with him, my grandma has errands to run and doesnt drive so she takes her(if she can find someone to sit with my grandpa.) i am a college student and mother of 3 kids(aged 3 months, 2 years, and 4 years) so i can't help too much. i try, but my mom also doesnt want me to. sometimes i wonder if she's a glutton for punishment or if she doesnt want too much on me. my sisters have teenaged children so they could help, but wont. they expect my mom to watch their kids while they work or take their kids to sports/hang outs, but my mom is stretched to the limit! i dont know what to do. should i say something to my sisters? they dont normally listen, but it is driving me mad! everyone is so rude and make their own problems and schedule things they dont have time for and expect her to fix it!? how could i help out?
choklitcat2008-03-27T10:31:35Z
Favorite Answer
I know what you are going through - my sister is very similar to your mother. She is always rearranging her life to accommodate everyone else. I really think her so-called friends take advantage of her. She is always cooking dinner for someone or babysitting or driving her friends around because they don't have cars, etc., even if it means a real inconvenience for her. And she is always buying stuff for her friends. Meanwhile her friends never do anything for her in return. I think she thinks the only way to have someone like her is to be useful to them. She has low self-esteem and I think she feels that the only thing she has to offer is being helpful and giving. I've tried talking to her but it's like talking to a stone post.
I think maybe the situation with your mother is similar. You could try talking to the other members of your family, but it is likely they will not want to listen as they are getting something out of the current arrangement. I really think it is up to your mother to say "no" and until she comes to that point things won't really change.
It's funny how some kids end up being their parents' parents, so to speak. As long as your mom is in her right mind, and can think like an adult, I wouldn't worry. Maybe she likes to stay busy, since she has no kids at home anymore. If she hasn't said that she's over-worked, stressed, or tired-out, I would leave it alone. If you think she's making herself sick, however, I would talk to your sisters, and let them know if she gets too down, she won't be doing anything for anyone, whether it's watching their kids, or taking care of everyone else, then they would have to step up to the plate.
perhaps your mum just wants to feel useful and "needed " ? why don't you all pamper her now and again by taking her out to a good restaurant and buying her nice gifts now and then to say thank you for " just being there "?