Does women's inability to understand cause and effect explain why so many choose guys who beat them?

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You're right, some don't understand the red flags (warning signs)...and some are fooled into believing that he won't be like that with them. (Often times the beginning of the relationship is very blissful. And once the abuse starts, there are periods of "good times" in between each episode of abuse, and the escalation of it is usually slow, which leads a person to believe that maybe it really won't happen again.) And some actually think that if they show unconditional love, that he'll show it in return. Does this mean they deserve the abuse? Some (most, probably) of these women have trouble reading the warning signs because they don't know or have never been around a "normal relationship." They've nothing to compare it to. Still others have very low self esteem, or have been abused before (perhaps as children), and feel like they are just "lucky" that someone actually wants them. They may not know what real love is, but feeling wanted makes them feel loved. Acts of extreme jealousy or possessiveness (things most of us would consider as red flags in a relationship) might be interpreted as signs of love. It's not that these women are stupid, it's that they are unaware or they are numb.

Edit: Many really don't see it coming, and by the time it actually happens, they've fallen in love. And love is a powerful thing...it can keep a person trying to improve things for a very long time. Fear can also keep a person from leaving an abusive relationship. Most women's deaths that occur at the hands of an intimate partner occur during the one year period following a separation from that person. Most women in abusive relationships come to understand the risk involved in trying to get out in one piece. Some choose to live with the abuse rather than to risk being killed if they leave. Lot of factors also go into the reasons why women stay. The longer a person is abused, the more psychologically and emotionally he/she is incapacitated. Depression and anxiety can be extreme, and debilitating. It can cloud judgment even further. Unfortunately I know more about this subject than I ever wanted to. I'm a survivor of an abusive relationship.

Edit: I understand what you are saying, but look at it this way: those women don't know that they are running blindfolded across that interstate...and the reasons they don't know are not their fault. This is not to say that awareness can't be taught or that therapy is futile. On the contrary, with intervention, support and treatment, women can learn to recognize the danger signals, and can learn to stop the pattern or cycle of becoming involved with abusive men....Show more

Not all girls think this is acceptable. Or, at least, not on an intellectual level. The more I read about anthropology, the more I become aware of what women have evolved to expect from a man (essentially the ability to provide and protect her and her family.) For this reason, women often vie for the attention of one, very high-status male and pour scorn over those who lack the power, intelligence or ambition to 'bring home the spoils of the hunt' (or money, in our modern society.) They often don't mean to be cruel or hurtful and aren't consciously deciding to be. It's just hard-wired in their nature to be this way, just as you might not give an ugly, fat girl a second look. The way to avoid this is to become successful and independent, then they won't dare mess you around....Show more

More often than not, abusive men also have control issues, and are very manipulative. Often times, there is a "honeymoon" phase (that get's repeated in the cycle of abuse), where the woman is reigned in with a lot of sweet talk. These type of controlling men are very adept at picking "victims" with low self esteem that are much easier prey for them.

Eventually, though, the man begins to exert more control over the woman, and this control is punctuated and reinforced with violence.

Further, many women who experience long term, cyclical abuse develop a disorder called "battered women's syndrome", which is a form of post traumatic stress syndrome and is afforded its own ICD-9 code. Once a person has sunk to this level, it's often difficult fo them to get out of an abusive relationship because they have been isolated and totally subjugated by their abuser.

Lastly, domestic abuse isn't relegated to "thugs". It pervades all sorts of socio-economic levels.

Frankly, it sounds like you have made a lot of assumptions here. The dynamics of an abusive relationship are much more complex than that you have assumed them to be.

I understand where you are coming from with your question, but I would strongly suggest you educate yourself more about domestic violence. I have provided a link for an excellent website below....Show more

Interesting question.
If perhaps the woman 'chooses' the man before he shows any of these signs, is it therefore her 'choice' to be beaten?
Or maybe it is clever deception on the mans behalf.
Are all woman beaters 'not too bright?' Some may be quite intelligent men, in fact I do believe that wife beaters come from all walks of life.
I agree that womens choices can be wrong but please tell me which actions cause a woman to be beaten?...Show more

Many women nowadays have a very low threshold for boredom. The Confident Exciting Dangerman is fun and spontaneous. Nice Guys are dull, predictable, and don't offer much in the way of drama.

As long as women find attempts to change the thug more interesting than trying to spice up the more introverted types, expect the reign of abuse and cheating to continue....Show more