Poems I wrote awhile back - Feedback?

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I would like to see what you have written lately. These are fair to good for an adult. Sure there are some weaknesses, but nothing major. I'm impressed....Show more

"Human Rose"

You can't understand
How I feel inside.
How my heart burns for you,
All through the dark night


I dream that you are by my side.
I can feel you, touch you.
But then you become
just an apparition.
and fade

If I could see you one last time,
I could glow again.
Know everything was all right,
Even if only for a moment.

But the heartache of losing you again
would be immesnse,
I'll have to learn
How to live without you.

"What I Want"

Do you know how I feel,
and how I percept?
Can you look inside my eyes,
and tell me what is true?

Can you forget the time,
You spend with me?
This is what,
I really want.

I don't want candy,
and I don't want flowers.
All I want is you
and the hours
We shared

Can you do this?
I know you can.
This is what I want
out of my man....Show more

for a sixth grader that was pretty good, but the opening with question to a new section is sort of a cliché. but the poem it's self was eye opening and i think you have a gift, as you continue to write you will find your style and make it your own masterpiece....good job...Show more

Love Human Rose very much! Very insightful....Show more

i love human rose, I'm gonna send it to the person i like, it's awesome, the other poem is also nice, but it's not very nice, but the first one rocks, keep on writing such poems!!...Show more