Poems I wrote awhile back - Feedback?

I would like to see what you have written lately. These are fair to good for an adult. Sure there are some weaknesses, but nothing major. I'm impressed.

"Human Rose"

You can't understand

How I feel inside.

How my heart burns for you,

All through the dark night

I dream that you are by my side.

I can feel you, touch you.

But then you become

just an apparition.

and fade

If I could see you one last time,

I could glow again.

Know everything was all right,

Even if only for a moment.

But the heartache of losing you again

would be immesnse,

I'll have to learn

How to live without you.

"What I Want"

Do you know how I feel,

and how I percept?

Can you look inside my eyes,

and tell me what is true?

Can you forget the time,

You spend with me?

This is what,

I really want.

I don't want candy,

and I don't want flowers.

All I want is you

and the hours

We shared

Can you do this?

I know you can.

This is what I want

out of my man.

for a sixth grader that was pretty good, but the opening with question to a new section is sort of a cliché. but the poem it's self was eye opening and i think you have a gift, as you continue to write you will find your style and make it your own masterpiece....good job

Love Human Rose very much! Very insightful.

i love human rose, I'm gonna send it to the person i like, it's awesome, the other poem is also nice, but it's not very nice, but the first one rocks, keep on writing such poems!!

those are good. they're cute. i like the first one better. it gives more thoughts of love. the second one sounds more of lust. you should do touch-ups to both and see if you can get them published. they're quite good.

These are really good.........I think you should continue writing more and more.

You could also increase the intensity of the emotions.......

i think the 1st 1 is nice

I like them--for a sixth grader. You showed much talent and I hope you have continued with your talent. Good luck and keep writing please.