When love is real
one is expected to embrace it
If said unwisely love may leave
When you see them your heart rushes
Your hands and feet go cold
Your Blood starts to rush
When you plant that kiss on there lips and you will say quietly "I Love You"
is it good or bad if so what could i add to make it better???
Chrissy: The Angry Typer a/k/a Mood Mole
Favorite Answer
the wording isn't spaced to "flow".
I'm seeing this a lot...Since most good poetry doesn't rhyme, it still needs a...a pacing...a structure to the wording to keep the reader going...and to stronger exemplify your target meaning.
I'm not a jerk. i am a writer too, we all need constructive reviews...also, you need to check your use of wording...."there" instead of the correct "their" ruins the readers' faith.
Please keep writing.
Good luck.
jimmy hendrix w
its alright the last line kiss lips yada yada needs work but its a nice poem
Anonymous
OMG everything is so true in the poem. Nice job I loved it;)
samantha
You use the word rush (rushing/rush) twice....you need to expand a bit more.
And I would replace "plant" with "place"
Donny
Simple and to the point... Great, do not change a thing... Tyro