Adoptees, do you sometimes feel 'disconnected'?
... from your family (adopted and/or birth)? Do you have problems connecting fully? Do you feel it's related to your adoption?
How old were you when you were adopted?
Did you always know you were adopted?
Did you notice a problem as a kid, or not until you were a teenager or as an adult?
Does your view of "family" extend beyond blood lines & continue after divorce?
I consider my former in-laws as part of our family. But so many people exclude their former in-laws after the divorce. To me, families are forever. Yet, I sometimes feel oddly disconnected. Or "partially" connected.
Like Phil, I have a strong circle of friends that I've connected with over the years. Many I've known for over 20 years. Some even longer. I do feel very connected to my friends...they are my extended family.
I was placed in foster care @ 18 months & adopted by my foster family @ 3 years of age. I've known I was adopted since I can remember.
My a.mom favored my sister (her bio. daughter) over me in very OBVIOUS ways growing up. But I didn't really feel the disconnect or begin questioning my identity until my teen years. "My own mother didn't want me & THIS mother doesn't want me. What's wrong with me?"
Turns out my 1st mom very much wanted me, but was a poor, working mom raising me alone B-4 public assistance.
I always felt connected to my a.dad. Never to my a.mom. Like Doug, I was raised w/verbal & physical abuse. I'm sure that has a role in my feelings of disconnectedness.
I was in my teens when I began to notice how different I am from my family. Meeting my 1st family-esp. my bio.dad-I discovered who I looked like & took after. There was an instant connection, but I felt inhibited, believing that I was being 'disloyal' to my a.family.