Is this normal behavior and if so does anyone have any advice on how to handle it.......
My daughter is 21 months old and she throws the worse tantrums ever, especially when its time to take a nap or go to bed. She screams so loud I think she is going to lose her voice she becomes all red and hot and sweaty and nothing you do can calm her down she wont let you touch her or hug her and if you try to pick her up she makes her body stiff. It is so terrible i dont know what to do, I dont know if she is just really spoiled and or if something is wrong. She is a strong and dramatic girl in general and has to get her way. It is so hard for me to get her to do anything such as trying to get her to sleep in a big girl bed, she is still in her crib because she still cries at night. If anyone has any advice on how to handle a very spoiled, stubborn, dramatic 21 month old please give it to me. oh by the way during this tantrums, she totally tunes you out, like as if she does not see or hear you.
lisa2008-08-06T23:57:48Z
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CONSISTENCY! When you tell her to do or not do something, then that's what she has to do. If it concerns bedtime, then that bedtime rule should be the same all the time. If it's something else, it should be the same rule at all times. If she throws a tantrum, ignore it. If she gets out of bed after you put her in bed, then just keep putting her back in bed. DO NOT ARGUE WITH HER. Just continue making her do whatever it is. It sounds harsh but honestly, you are doing her no favors if you give in. You want to raise a child that is enjoyable to be around. She will be happier in the long run. Stay focused, consistent, and firm, but never argue with her. You are the boss!
Geez people, lighten up! She's not spoiled - she's TWO (almost). At 21 months it's impossible to be spoiled. She just doesn't have the cognitive ability to think she can manipulate you. If you think she does you're projecting.
Now that doesn't mean that you shouldn't deal with it. I agree that it will only get worse if you don't. Right now she understands that when she throws a tantrum you comfort her. (That's not spoiled that's perfectly logical - it's working!) My son used to throw fits at bedtime (although admittedly not bad ones) and this seemed to work. Do your normal bedtime routine then put her in the crib. She'll start screaming and you tell her (calmly) that it's bedtime and you'll be back to check on her in 5 minutes. Then walk out and close the door. She'll go ballistic. Let her, it won't hurt her. Use a stopwatch (because it'll seem like forever) and at exactly 5 minutes (calmly) go back in and ask if she's okay (so she knows you care and so you know she hasn't hurt herself). DO NOT pick her up or take her out of the crib (you can comfort her in the crib if you like) If she's safe say "Goodnight" and walk out again. Keep repeating this until she stops. Every child is different so be prepared to do this for several hours. I was prepared for a sleepless night but my son gave it up after about 15 min. It may take several nights but she'll get the message that bedtime is bedtime and throwing the fit won't get her what she wants. If you keep picking her up and comforting her she'll understand the equation "tantrum = mommy comforting me" and she'll keep doing it. She will learn to self sooth but only if you give her the chance to do it on her own.
To me, I don't feel those are normal behaviors, but they could be. My best advice is to document everything you observe. Keep a journal and track his moods and his actions. A daily journal can be admitted as evidence in court. I would also check your child from top to bottom every time he comes to see you. Take photos of any questionable marks. Next time you see bruises, don't call the police, take him immediately to a doctor. The doctor will observe and document any markings. They will also make a decision as to whether or not the marks are suspect. If they are concerned about the markings, they are required to make a report. A doctor's report will hold much more ground and has more credibility than an inexperienced or lazy police officer. The crying in the bed thing, my concern is that this could be a sign of neglect. A child cries in order to elicit a response from a caregiver. They have a need that needs to be met, so they get someone's attention. If no one responds or they respond negatively and the need is not met, a child gradually learns to not cry out anymore. This is a long process to get to that point, so this could be a sign of a long-term issue. Is this a sudden behavior or has it slowly been moving in that direction? The best thing you can do is to shower your child with love and attention. If he cries, even subtly, hold him, tell him you love him, tell him you will take care of him. If he falls down (even if he's ok), scoop him up and do the same. You can't change what's happening at his other home, but you can do your best to counteract it. I would also highly recommend getting him into therapy. Of course at two, he's not going to be sharing his deepest feelings, but they will be able to observe his behaviors and help YOU to be a better parent to him. Good luck!
My daughter use to do the same thing, she would throw a 45 min tantrum about once a day. I never new whether to put her food on the coffee table or to hand it to her to do for herself needless to say I was always wrong so then came the fit. There is nothing you can do about it. It is just a phase and it will pass, I would say to just let her throw the fit and walk away and pretend it does not bother you. That is what I did and eventually she stoped doing it because she did not get the attention and reaction from me anymore. She may seem like she is not hearing you but she is just getting what she wants by your reaction even if she seems not to notice. Best of luck!!!
Actually, tantrums are normal. The extent and how long they go on are up to you. First rule of thumb...don't get upset. No matter how it feels on the inside, do not "react" to these fits. She's old enough for a time out spot. When she starts, as soon as she starts, pick her up, put her in the spot, tell her why she's there, what she has to do to get out (get quiet), and then walk away. I guarantee you will very likely spend a LOT of time putting her back in the spot. Each time she gets out, put her back, saying nothing. Eventually (and it may be two hours later) she will stay where you put her. She doesn't have to be perfect, just stay and get quiet. As soon as she does, go tell her how you expect her to behave, tell her you love her, and give her a hug. Then let her out.
She is behaving for your reaction. The fact is...kids are very smart and know exactly what they are doing. Once she learns who is in charge life will get much simpler for both of you. Remember, this is a lot of work for her, too. Don't argue with a two year old.