A sad day......Today the sun shines Without a smile....My heart sings My head hung low...Thoughts are mulled over Just wondering.....If I should continue If I exist.........To keep the pen a flow
2008-09-12T10:17:03Z
The Trigee is a three-in-one poem. They are built by combining two short poems into a third large one by stringing the lines together. The left stanza is read first, the right stanza second, then the combined lines make the third poem. There are no rhyme and meter requirements
2008-09-12T11:22:01Z
I like the changes you suggested Amy , thanks!
2008-09-12T11:26:01Z
Bob I have such trouble with metre this is much easier for me, since there is no metre or rhyme requirements am working on the regular form of poetry though, thanks for your comments! ( Maybe another reason I like Haiku so much of course with that is the counting of sylables! Yahoo this is a comment not chat!)
2008-09-12T12:09:02Z
Rennie very good point on the 3rd line I agree it doesn't quite fit in! Thanks!
2008-09-12T13:17:26Z
Neoman --you made it work thanks for the change!
neonman2008-09-12T12:53:59Z
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Interesting Trigee. I took the liberty of rearranging this as I thought the right side should start first. The other thing with Trigees is the need to use transitional words to keep flow.
Today the sun shines..................But it’s a sad day as my heart sings……………...…without a smile Thoughts are mulled over……......as my head hangs low If I should continue………….....…just wondering To keep pen flowing……..….....…if I really exist
I've given up on writing these because of the lack of meter and rhythm.
It certainly is a Trigee, there is poetry in there... but I can't help but think more traditional forms produce a more fluid thought. I hope you don't mind if I give you an example of my point by using your words. I'm not trying to write a different poem, only explaining why I have trouble with Trigees. I can't tell you if what you wrote is good or bad, I can only say... they confuse me, all of them.
My heart singing, the sun s bright day turns sad with a broken smile head now down and I lose precious sight many thoughts mulled until dark night
I am here to wonder if I should continue here and deny that I might re-fuse to exist with pen flowing while you're amidst
I wanted to say something constructive, and I certainly enjoy your poems, I hope this makes sense. I also hope someone more qualified in Trigees, gives you good tips related to them.
A sad today.........The sun shines Without a smile....My heart sings Head hung low......Thoughts are mulled over Just wondering......Should I continue If I exist................To keep the pen aflow.
I took the liberty of making a couple of changes that I think help with the flow of sound and thought. This is a wonderful example of a trigee, especially because the meaning changes so much with each phase of reading the different parts. Thank you.
You've got me on this one. Your #1 is VERY strong and so is #3 in my opinion. #2 seems to have a bit of contrast within itself (which is absolutely fine) and leaves me confused. 'If I should continue' doesn't seem as joyous as the first 2 lines, as if there is still doubt within the singing heart, know what I mean? I'm only trying to be helpful and offer my opinion. In no way am I qualified to critique anyone's hard work! You done good!