What do you think of "The Choice"?

Question

The Choice

Off to a new start
Had to leave my heart
Going with my head
Something I might dread
Morning left merging
Afternoon is here
Sky sunny cloud free
Doom reality
Dont look back just yet
Feet are not to sure
Just keep moving now
So quicken your pace
As this is a race
Mind such an even
tempo the heart does
curse this ever so 
realistic thinking
Almost to the line
Almost there you can
Persevere close now
Finish line in site
You made the right choice

Bob M. Georgia · Accepted Answer

I liked it... very good visually. My only suggestion, that I didn't see already mentioned, is you might put a few line breaks to help slow the pace of reading it. I found myself reading it faster and faster until I reached the end...  not sure that's the effect you wanted.

© ♪♫♪ tori ♫♪♫ · Answer

I suggest you carry a rhyme scheme throughout the entire poem.  Maybe I'm just tired from the birthday party of my 3 year old twins, but I find my mind wandering and that is never good in a poem.

It is very interesting.
T.

SovietteElite · Answer

Seriously, you need to be more ambitious than just posting in yahoo questions.  This is really good.  Every consider taking this to another level?  I'm dead serious.  Don't let anyone, even your friends, sway you from your destiny.

neonman · Answer

A nice style.  Some lines need grammatical help.

Anonymous · Answer

I've seen this style before..I like it a lot...Gives freedom for words to sort of fall in place.......Great thoughts MB

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