So my fiance told me tonight that his grandfather was trying to talk him out of marrying me because of my religious beliefs. Basically, this man has never had anything nice to say about me. When my fiance's grandmother passed away 8 months after we started dating and I went to Florida to be with him at the funeral, afterwards his grandfather told my sister in law that he didn't like me because I shouldn't have been there. Then we had a whole thing about the guest list a few months ago where he hung up on me. When my fiance's OTHER grandfather died a couple of months ago, when this grandfather called to give his condolences to the family, he told one of the uncles about my religious beliefs (I have no idea why). Basically, he's never liked me and never will it seems.
My fiance has never said to his grandfather, hey cut it out, she's gonna be my wife and you'll respect her or anything like that. I told him that if he starts with me or any other trouble on my wedding day, that me and/or my dad would have something to say about it and we wouldn't be polite. I just don't get why FH doesn't stick up for me. I know it's his grandfather but I feel like at this point, his grandfather needs a good talking to.
Am I being crazy expecting him to stick up for me a bit or would you feel the same way?
2008-10-17T16:35:58Z
I'm just more concerned that he's gonna start trouble at my wedding since he disapproves so much. He tells me not to stress out about it but his unwillingness to talk about it and just brushing off my concerns only amps up my anxiety.
Dusty Hussy2008-10-17T16:48:26Z
Favorite Answer
I'd feel the same way. I think he avoids the subject because he's conflicted about the family he wants to start and the family he has always had. This is obviously putting stress on you as well though and the lack of communication about something that bothers one spouse can lead to bigger issues. I think you should try and level with him and get him to talk about this situation. You're obviously going to have to start it though it seems. I have no doubt he might try to start something at your wedding, even if it's not big but I wouldn't let it ruin the wedding. It's your day and if someone want to have a negative time at such a memorable experience for you, it's their loss as long as you're busy enjoying yourself with your new husband. Wow you're gonna be somebody's wife! One of the many comforting thoughts that can sweep your evening in a joyful direction. Good Luck! :)
Yes I agree I think he should also. He can do it in a respectful way. He doesn't have to be mean about it. But it has to be done.
I understand the need to respect elders but elders need to be respectful also.
If his grandfather is so against the marriage and you then why was he even invited? And if he really feels that way he should have responded to your invitation as a no.
The only ones that should attend the wedding are those that love and support the couple. Not those that will come and be miserable. Doesn't he realize that his grandson loves you and by hurting you he is hurting him?
Don't let him upset you, that's what he wants. You have the most wonderful day full of all the love and happiness your heart can hold and show him that nothing he can say or do will upset you. He only does it because he knows it bothers you.
Severe all ties with grandpa and don't let him get to you. Just because you are marrying into the family doesn't mean you have to love or get along with everyone.
Tell your fiance that either he starts defending you or you want nothing more to do with grandpa. Then stand by that decision. Either the old man will come around or he won't but it won't matter because you have wiped your hands of him and the situation. Be strong.
He can't ruin your day if you don't let him get to you. You are given him the power right now. Take it back. So from this day on put a smile on your face, have fun, and enjoy yourself. I got a feeling your fiance will come through for you . Give it time.
I've had a similar experience and I have to say yes, he should stick up for you. If he won't stick up for you now, how do you know he'll stick up for you when it matters?
My ex-girlfriend's parents literally sat me down and went over a list of things they didn't like about me. Among other things, they were concerned that I had a student loan and a car payment, and thus was not debt free. Everything on the list was extreme like that. She sat there as they attacked me and just listened, holding my hand the whole time without saying a word. She didn't agree with what they did at all, but she did nothing, which was the same as agreeing with her parents in my mind. I guess she didn't love me enough to support me, nor did she talk to me about these problems if she agreed with them. It really ate away at me that while her parents were attacking the one she loved, she wouldn't support our relationship. I broke up with her soon after.
If this is bothering you, you should talk to your fiance about it and let him know you are concerned. Go easy on him though, he may just not know how to handle it and needs some support from you himself. The right guy will find a way to defend his lady when she is threatened, whether the threat be from family or foe. Good luck!
have you tried talking to his grandfather maybe hes just really feels that you are taking his grandson sway from him he is old maybe hes lonley, but having sid that your man should stick up for you after all you are marrying him what will it be like after the wedding and when the kids come along you dont want him to be mean or nasty to the children just because you are their mum i would talk to your guy and tell him your fears before its to late
by the way congratulations and good luck I hope it works out for you and have an amazing wedding day