my husband always waits til i'm sleeping to want sex and i've been wondering way.
i asked him yesterday and he said that the sex is better when i'm asleep and i don't know how to feel about it!
i feel alittle of everything hurt, angry, guilty etc.
i feel like a unpaid prostitute sometimes when it happens we have been married 7years!
yes i have told him how i feel but it doesnt seems to matter.... he thinks he tries but all i see is..... insensitivity.
Skibabe
Favorite Answer
Hmmm, yes, tricky. I can see (from an objective point of view) that he might enjoy it as it's a secret fantasy of his. I used to have the same - to wake up to a man having sex with me, but it never happened and I grew out of it! At the same time, I can certainly understand how you feel too - it's pretty insulting to be told that sex when you're not participating is more satisfying to him than when you're conscious! Bless husbands, they're pretty clueless about how they come across sometimes!!
You could try asking him if it's a fantasy - in which case, you could act it out with him (playing the startled maiden, etc). Then I think you would have the opportunity to negotiate - I helped out with your fantasy, now I would like you to have sex with me the way that I want.
I suppose ultimately you'll just have to see how compatible you are in this respect, and if you can work something out. It might be worth you both seeing a counsellor about it, as he/she might be able to suggest things we here won't think of. Might be embarrassing to start with, but at least it would be a proactive solution. Best of luck :-)
Anonymous
Well, there can be a few reasons as to why he does this. First, he might just want to do a quicky, you know get it over with so he can go to bed. Second, If you are going to bed at different times and your going to bed before him. He is probably staying up and watching porn, and then going to bed and having sex with you when you are sleeping. Or just maybe something about having sex with you when you are sleeping just turns him on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It is obviously him. If I was you I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Don't let him make you feel like that. You are his wife not some whore off of the street! Romance plays a huge part in having a successful marriage. You always want to keep the fire going. Talk to him.........
Mayberry
1st tell him just what you are feeling. 2nd search your self and ask what am i doing to cause my husband to treat me this way. 3rd look at your history and see if there has been any changes in your behavior or his. you must be totally objective when you do this. that is the only way you can turn things around. As a side note ask him just what it is that we not you but we can do to make our sex more enjoyable. 4th do your husband love on you through the day non sexual kind i mean. this can be turned around. It just take a little work and a whole lot of understanding. on both your parts. Good luck.
Anonymous
just tell him how you feel.