My 14 years old stepson and I are not getting along well...?
I just can imaging how many rough responses I can get, but it hurts so much I still feel I'd ask..
When I married my husband Boris, his 9 years old son came as a package of his and his ex 50-50 custody. I was not quite prepared for this since during their almost 4 years divorce it was pretty much obvious that Boris would never get custody of his son because of some sort of accusations his wife fabricated against him. But thank to a very powerful attorney and $000.000 in the very, to everyone's great surprise he won 50-50.
So here we were, angry ex, brainwashed and confused 10 years old, exhausted of divorce and all this fights husband, stepmom-to-be myself and our 3 years old baby boy, all trying to adjust to a new life: ex moves out of the house, we move in, 10 years old live with us everyother week. It was unberable difficult from the very beginning for everyone, and my heart full of compassion for my stepson especially, as an innocent victim of this life's masquerade.
Four years later: I couldn't manage to get trust of my stepson. Doesn't matter how hard I try I am a stranger for him who came to his home and took his father from his mother. I am a woman who loves her own child more than him. I am the one who he shows all his frustration, reminding me "you know what you are not mom mother" - and I am not. In fact I know who his mother is, I see her occasionally and we talk and share books and seeds, and smiles and short talks about teenagers and kids in general. Sometimes we exchange arguments about if her son was rude to me or it was me who got him angry; or about if he should pay respect to an adult person when being asked to make his bed and simly obey or should I just leave him alone and do his bed for him.
A couple of times, when he was 11, I had to go to explain myself that I didn't choke him, while he told his mother that I was...In one hour all relatieves were talking about it, everyone but us. husband resieved the phone call from my MIL..So I went in, and listened to my stepson saying how exactly I was chocking him, so I had to show them how I took his face with my hands while saying something. "That is how?" - "Yea-a-ah.." - So we were released that very moment.
Another time while playing I hugged him (we were 6 of us in the room), he started screaming, call 911, she broke my spine, I can't move, I can't hold my head up. I got so scared I hurt him, I went to grab a phone, my husband was winking to me "He is faking".
We do not have smooth relationship from then and on. I don't trust him, he hates me. Stay out of my life, you don't care about it anyway - that is what I hear often. Goodness, why he would think I don't care of his life? He accuses me loving my son more than him. Well I probably do.
I feel coldness - not love. I can't take it anymore, as probably he can't take it any more. We are way too different people, he says he don't understand me and think I am weirdo; our energies are bouncing from one another. we fight sometimes. most of the time we are polite, as strangers can be polite. " can tyou give me a ride?" - absolutely, give me 20 minutes to finish what I am doing . -No problem, thanks. Nothing to say in the car, no connection whatsoever. "How was school today?" - Pretty good. Silence.
Yesterday he was watching TV for 3 hours, football game - understandable. I came I said, you look tired, did you know watching television for so long can get you very tired, why don't you do something else? In friendly manner, in best intention, so I do believe TV is not as good thing even to have in the house. he got so angry, he told me all, how weird i was, I should stay away from his life, all americans watch sunday game (I am foreign). I got angry too, I said, you want towatch game for 3 hours - fine, but go and watch it in your room. he said, I am leaving this house. And he did.
I totally understand him, but I am a human being too - I want out.