My 14 years old stepson and I are not getting along well...?

My step mom and me didn't get along that well either but she was mean. He sounds like a 14 year old that has his mom putting **** in his head. I would try not to stress out and give him the space he wants. When he matures, he will realize how wrong he was for being disrespectful. I wish i could help i hate snappy little teens my sister is one now and choking them seems so necessary (KIDDING!).

He's 11, and thinks he's going on 30. It is natural at that age (although he's a little early) to be hateful, especially around another woman. Talk it over with your husband, and maybe "surprise" him by having a lunch packed, just for your husband and the boy, and say, I don't think XYZ wants me to come with you, so why don't the 2 of you go (fishing, see a ball game, movie, etc.). This way, you are letting him have time with his dad (boys can be very jealous of that). Maybe 1 time ask if your husband and he can check the oil in your car, something to make him feel important, and in a positive way. Ask him questions like, "What kind of movie do you want to watch tonight?" and maybe, if you are all at home ask him to run really quick to the store, and see if he could hold the ice cream sundays on the way back. You can't force him into your life, but you can open doors that he'll follow you through. My stepson was 15 and I was 21 when I married my first husband. I'd gone to school with his girls, which was a little weird, and I wish I knew then, what I do know now. Good luck!

Stop fighting and start agreeing.

He screams you love your baby more than him?

Say

"If that's what you want to think, fine". Then shrug your sholders and turn your back.

He won't clean his room/make his bed?

Ignore it.

You have bigger things to deal with. Insist that it stays behind closed doors. Insist that bathrooms, halls, etc, stay clean.

Same with watching too much TV.

If his father doesn't care, why should you?

He accuses you of abuse?

Say

"Really, that's funny, because just last night you accused me of not paying any attention to you".

Say

"Really? A big boy like you? Strange."

Then turn around an walk away.

If you don't argue, there's no way to get into fights.

Agree when you can, ignore everything else.

Shrug your shoulders and turn your back.

BUT!!!

When he's being sweet and playful, point out how nice it is.

Say

"Isn't this fun?"

Say

"Aren't you having a good time?"

Laugh and say:

"So I guess I'm not so bad after all, huh?"

If you really feel brave you can set up something, get him having a good time, then point out how great you are.

Example:

Bake cookies or something. Don't say anything to him, but if he comes in, hand him some frosting and a knife. When/if he gets into it, say "Having fun?". or "This is nice".

Make the boy's father deal with his own dang family.

Just quit dealing with it.

When they call, hand the phone to him and walk away.

Seek counseling.

Parenting is hard. Step-parenting is hell on earth. Step-parenting teenagers...well, you get the idea!

Do not take things too personally... 14 year-olds tend to be a**holes in general.

There is absolutely no reason why you have to continue to make such an effort. He is not your kid. He certainly does not treat you with respect. Your husband, from the sound of it, is not helping much either*. Stop caring so much. You DO have your own child to think about. This 14 year-old has his own mom too. He does not need your love.

One more thing: If you feel guilty about breaking up the happy home, get over it. It is done. You need to live in the now.

*Why would your husband fight so hard for custody and then leave you to raise his kid?

ok this is a sticky situation. and you are going to need your husbands help with this. explain to your husband, if he doesn't already know, that you want to make peace with your stepson. and from now on don't discipline him. You can ask him not to do things, but really try to keep that to a minimum. The boy is hurt from all that has happened, he respects his father so if his father is the one who gets after him for things the boy will be more receiving and will give less attitude. mean while, you need to respect him. I know that can be hard to do with a 14 year old, but try treating him like he is responsible and try respecting his decisions. respecting him is the only way that he will ever be able to respect you. Also, if you are willing, it might be a good thing to explain to your stepson that you have realized that there is not respect between the two of you and so you are going to try and respect him more. saying this will let him know that you care and that you are trying. he might still give you attitude and be rebellious for awhile but with time your relationship will straighten out. and eventually there will be respect between you.

Aww don't you worry... it's not you thats the problem, its him...

he is just going through a lot with the parent situation and as he gets older he will mature, and understand. It can be hard for a child his age..

Don't you be sad or feel like you are doing anything wrong, because you are NOT!

You shouldn't worry about this, just understand that these times are hard for him, and even if he says he hates you or wants you to go away - it is still ok to show some affection..

Hopefully everything goes ok.. don't worry too much about it =)

cold hard truth he feels like youre trying to replace his mom or trying to take his dad from him

14 year old boys are just idiots that don't understand anything. Don't worry about it.

treat him like he is a honored guest when he comes to stay, it will be hard for you but it will work.

show him your breasts