Spiritually speaking, how do you handle "gossip-prone" family members?

There are a lot of things that I'd like to be open about with extended family, but a few people have tendencies to be a little too open with others about it, later.

I have this problem with one family member in particular. Last time I brought up a personal matter, I asked that it be kept quiet -- then, I learned from someone else that this person was telling pretty much anyone and everyone -- she'd say, "This is just between you and me, we want to keep this quiet, but..." and she'd do this with enough people that it was no longer quiet.

I have tried to simply avoid telling these family members things that I wouldn't want the public to hear about or would like to keep quiet, and even that backfired -- one day while spending the weekend with a relative, one of her friends brought up something that I had told someone else during a holiday gathering. I was very uncomfortable about it, and brought it up later with the family member that had told her friend this -- she said that she was listening to my conversation, and that's not her fault, because I never expressly asked her not to listen.

Most of the issues that I have this problem with are CLEARLY things that I'd like to keep a bit quieter, whether it's due to a personal issue, mature subject matter, etc. -- but it can affect other family members, or they may have an interest in it.

Has anyone else been in this situation?
How can I handle "gossip-prone" family members?

2009-01-02T11:05:52Z

Esther -- but, some of it involves or is of interest to certain family members for good reasons -- it's other family members listening in and telling the world that becomes a problem.

Anonymous2009-01-02T11:01:51Z

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I listen and forget, but once it goes to far I yell "hey knock it off!!"

Anonymous2009-01-02T20:57:37Z

Family or not, people gossip about the problems of others in an attempt to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings and insecurities. What they're really saying between the lines when they gossip is "So and so's divorce is terrible, isn't it? Good thing we don't have problems that bad. I guess that makes us better people, doesn't it?"

People who gossip like this will not stop. Their pathetic need to constantly validate that their own lives are not so bad, will always over-rule any class and common decency.

Suffice to say, once you have identified a gossiper, never share anything personal with them ever again.

Acorn2009-01-02T20:52:38Z

I had 2 like that. One was older, so I wasn't comfortable sitting her down and saying "Look, knock off the gossip." Respect your elders, and all that stuff. So I eventually made sure that if I had something that needed to be quiet, I didn't tell Aunt Jeanne.

Another was just a few yrs older than me. So I got with her and asked her please to keep the gossip to at least a minimum about the family. I don't know if that really helped. People who are into gossip don't seem to have the basic self control to keep their tongues from wagging, so eventually everybody stopped telling her stuff.

Purdey EP2009-01-02T20:12:54Z

Could you just call the family member or members that you want to tell something instead of telling them at a get together? That way you control who you tell and there isn't a chance for someone to over hear. If that won't work, just pull anyone you want to talk to off to one side and make sure no one with big ears is around you.

randy_plrm2009-01-03T02:54:53Z

The simple answer is just to refrain from passing on information of a personal nature about yourself to others. I know where you're coming from. I have a sister that is that way. She tells me so much really personal info about others in the family that she really shouldn't. And I know that if she will tell me personal things about the others, then she will also think nothing about passing on personal info that I have told her.

If someone tells me that type of info they don't have to it's really not necessary in most cases, to ask me not to pass it on. I know when something is of a personal nature and would not pass it on anyway.

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