A young man is dating a woman 12 years his senior. She has been married twice and divorced, reasons unknown. It appears he loves her dearly, the only problem I see, is she is always busy on his off paydays and ready to see him each pay day. He doesn't see it this way,but keeping track this seems to be the pattern. She has not committed to a marriage. Do you just stand back and hope for the best or do you try to talk. It seems if I try to say anything, it will only make him more determined to see her. Would appreciate some advise for an old woman. Thank you
Anonymous2009-02-28T16:32:52Z
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I would be honest and gentle with him. She is a seriously experienced woman, having been married twice and 12 years his senior. She is probably very good in bed, knows which buttons to push and how to use a guy.
That all said, trying to change the rose coloured glasses of the young and beguiled, love sick puppy is easier said than done.
However, 1) Be grateful that she will not commit to him 2) Be grateful that they are not in a defacto relationship or should would to able to take him for more.
Now for the technique of raising doubt in a relationship: 1) You should seem interested in his partner - ask questions of him that he may not of asked her. e.g. Why has she been divorced twice? How old did you say she was? Has she got any children? Does she like children? Does she want children? How long have you been together now? How do you get on with her other friends or are they too old? What do your friends think about your relationship with a much older woman? Has she met any of your friends? What are her interests? etc. etc How often do you see her?
Then hit him with the clanger - So why is it that you can only see her after you get paid - don't you think that is a little strange? Followed quickly by - and does she have any other male friends her age?
Let him consider the questions, let him answer them, let him ponder the answers. Let him see the light and be there for him when he gets hurt - and he will.
Just every now and then - put that doubt in his mind - such as - Has she ever told you she loves you and why she loves you?
And gently warn him about the females at a certain age have desires to have continually young sex partners, but unfortunately with age comes a change in hormones and all that will change.
I think your concerns are valid. Sure sounds like she's in it for the money. What I would do is find away for him not to be with her on his payday, to see how she reacts. Invite him to go with you somewhere: a movie, fun day out, roller skating, anything that will get him away for the day.
Edit** Sorry, I didn't realize you were his mother. Take him out for dinner or get him to go on a day trip with you, to visit some family/friends. Good luck!
I'm guessing you are this young mans mother, In my advice I would say keep out of it but always be there for him. In the end she will break his heart. At the moment he is infatuated and doesn't see what's happening but she will eventuall show her true colours.
Just be there for him when that time comes, he's gonna need you.