Would you tell a married couple that has an unwanted pregnancy that they shouldn't have had sex?
Lets say that a married couple is unable to care for the child, either emotionally, financially,or both, or maybe they just don't want kids, and are considering abortion or adoption. Would you tell them that they shouldn't have had sex? (let's assume they were using birth control)
If not, then why is it ok to say that to unmarried people, teens, and young adults. (please leave your religious convictions out of it) Seeing that we are sexual beings, (it is even on Maslow's hierarchy of needs) and that we need that connection. it is simply who we are.
If you would, how would you expect them to have a healthy marriage? It is a well know fact that a healthy sex life is crucial to a healthy marriage. Please don't say that you shouldn't get married until you can support a child that comes along. For all you know, they could've had a good income, but lost their jobs in this tough economic climate.
Anonymous2009-03-03T17:46:28Z
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Ha! It is such hypocrisy isn't it? The "you shouldn't have had sex" line is only really delivered to single or young (or both) people with an unwanted pregnanacy!
While it is true, people need to be aware they can pop out a small person if they have sex, that doesn't mean they shouldn't have sex, it means they need to be careful, use precautions and have plans in case it doesn't work out.
BTW I have seen stats reported a few times that the majority of women going for abortions are in fact married or in a de facto/stable relationship. Additionally, at least here in Australia most of them are over 20 and well educated.
I also don't get why people think if you've been irresponsible leading to pregnancy, you shouldn't have an abortion, whereas if you used birth control properly, it's okay? Why are these people trying to encourage irresponsible people to have children as punishments. If they're ireresponsible in the first place, and want an abortion, they would probably not make a great parent if they're forced into it. Not to mention it's unfair on the child!
Well, considering that your hypothetical couple is pregnant, it wouldn't make sense for them to stop having sex at this point. I see your point though. I'd probably counsel such a couple (married or not) to be on birth control, and if the woman has a hard time taking the pill every day or what-have-you, then I'd recommend asking her gynecologist about other alternatives that don't require remembering things at a specific time each day. Of course, birth control is never 100% effective, so these couples do end up with unwanted pregnancies every once in a while. I wouldn't ever tell an adult couple that they shouldn't have had sex or shouldn't have sex in the future.
As for teens, my attitude changes a little bit to more about education about pregnancy and STDs, how to protect oneself and still have meaningful relationships, etc. I wouldn't tell a 16-year-old not to have sex either, mind you. That wouldn't do any good. I'd probably tell a 14-year-old not to have sex though. Early education is important, in my opinion. They need to know all about sex by the age of 14 and STDs and pregnancy and all that. Without this knowledge, teens can make some big choices that result in consequences they really didn't expect and might have to live with for the rest of their lives.
I was told some pretty rude things when I had my first miscarriage, and I was married. I had someone actually say, "well maybe you'll plan it better next time," as though my miscarriage and agony from the loss of a potential child was misguided and happened because I did something wrong by not being prepared enough. It made me so angry, but at the time I was just too shocked to say anything. Why on earth would you make such a judgement about a couple in such pain, especially when they're married. I can understand that some people have religious/moral guidelines that say that sex out of wedlock is wrong, even though I don't agree with that, but to put down a married couple for getting pregnant when they didn't appear "ready" for a child according to some ignorant, bigoted attitude is just asinine.
Some people are just like this. They'll judge you no matter what you do, and it's always the most annoying to me when they're Christians. After all, the Bible says, "judge not, lest ye be judged." I love pointing this out to such people.
If they were indeed using birth control, then they were not being careless. Of course I would not expect someone to have a sexless marriage just because they didn't want a kid. However if they still don't want kids, one of them should have an operation to make sure it doesn't happen again.
I don't think that the message to teens, etc, should be "Don't have sex." It should be "Don't have sex with just anyone, and be careful about it." Alot of the issues arise when people end up having a child with someone they don't really care about or don't plan to stay with long term. Also, alot of people are careless with prevention methods. Accidents do happen but alot of them could have been prevented.
Well, sex IS an important part of marriage. I am pro life, and I am not going to start an abortion rant, just saying that there is never a perfect time to have a baby. My husband and I had only been married 7 months when I conceived on birth control, but I know that we can make things work.
I wouldn't tell them they shouldn't have had sex. They're being responsible by using birth control, and as was mentioned, sex is important in a relationship. If a couple is being responsible in their sex lives, I wouldn't say it to them either (be it teens or unmarried people). Raising children is a huge responsibility, one that should not be undertaken merely due to a pill not working or a piece of rubber breaking. If that child will negatively affect your future potential to the degree that your living situation will impact the child in a harmful way (i.e. - poverty), then it probably would have been better to abort it and have one when you're ready.