Thoughts of suicide...?
Sometimes I get really depressed and fantasize about killing myself. When I get like this I just want to stop thinking and wondering about everything and put a gun to my head or jump off a building - something to just blast my mind away (wow that sounds a lot more horrible when it's written down). I feel ignored, rejected, and unloved by my ex-boyfriend of 8 months, and I want to punish him and make him remember me again. I also feel like no one will ever choose to be with me again, that everyone thinks I am an innocent, naive, untroubled little girl of no consequence.
Please understand, I DON'T actually want to kill myself. Killing myself would of course change the situation with the ex and other guys, but then I'd be dead, so it would be completely pointless. I have a great life most of the time - loving family, plenty of good friends, smart, no stresses about money, in college with a bright future, blahblahblah. I just feel that a big part of my life is missing and that because my ex-boyfriend doesn't want me, nobody wants me. I want to address this depression before it gets worse and I want to stop feeling sorry for myself.