Failed adopted child asked me why he couldn't come home. What would you have told him?
My son and I and my granddaughter went to see my grandchild (my son's little boy) this last weekend and what a joy my son's daughter got to go to. So brother and sister got to visit. When time to take him back he wanted to know why he couldn't go? What do you say. Now for those that don't know my story here is a small dose of nightmare. My son's ex girlfriend (the mother of his daughter ) they broke up and she moved with another man within 2 months. Found out she was pregnant and hid my granddaughter from my family and the father. Gave the baby to her new boyfriends family. Son found out 2 days before birth and has been fighting evey since. Has visitation once a month and for the month of july. Until court gets things straight the child is almost 4 years old now. Couple who has him Can't adopt him.
2009-05-05T22:24:27Z
Bec- How would you like it if someone came in the hospital and stole your baby and hid the child for 16 months and then have someone like you tell you that's your wrong for wanting your child. Get real my son takes great care of his daughter from the same woman. In fact she is with him more than her.
2009-05-06T12:34:42Z
This is what I told him. I said your so cute and everyone loves you. Even though your daddy and sister has to go home doesn't mean that you are being left behind. You will always be on all our minds and we will see you next month and don't forget your be home for july. He has so many questions. Why the couple tell him he's adopted when in the real world and by the courts he's not. They tell him they are his parents when in court and on court papres they are call non-parents. I don't want to tell him that they can't speak the truth for scared that this would damage him. I just pray that court will be finally done after 4 years by July so my son will not have to take him back.
Lori A2009-05-06T06:12:39Z
Favorite Answer
Tell the truth. That you have to go through the court, and the court is working on it.
Can't help but comment on another posters answer. I have never felt it was always a woman's choice to do what ever she pleases with the child she carries, even as a surrendering mother. That child has two parents and both should be given a chance to parent BEFORE any adoption can take place. Besides you contradicted yourself. You stated that he was a sore loser for being dumped by her, then turned around and accused him of impregnating women and taking off.
If men are such losers and bad father material, why do women keep having sex with them? They should only have sex with men they are willing to share parenting with. My story is older and a bit more laden with social correctness, it had nothing to do with her father being a loser. Even if he was, it's the man "I chose" to have sex with and to take a chance of getting pregnant by.
I know several men who were left with children to raise, their mothers either ran or died. I believe in FATHERS RIGHTS. And yes my daughters father signed his rights away. Vietnam sent a lot of our soldiers home in boxes, and like I said it was a different time back then.
HE should have been given first right to raise his child, his family members should have been given SECOND right. Not strangers, not new boyfriends or their parents or their second cousins twice removed. You talk about a happy healthy life, that would have been with the child's family, blood family, and the child is feeling the pains of being separated when EVERYONE ELSE gets to stay together. I'm sure this child wonders what's wrong with "him" that he can not be together like the rest of his family. There was no need for this to happen.
The one who is getting traumatized by all this, is the child. How very sad that every body is at odds with each other and cannot see that the child is suffering. I would sincere suggest that this be handled so that the child does not bare the brunt of all that adults have done to him.
This will influence the rest of his life, one way or another. If the circumstances are exactly how you state, you have a good chance. BUT please keep the needs of the child in the fore front. He has been in the situation since birth and must be terribly confused. Every effort should be made, firstly, for him not to hear any negative comments one way or another. Then he should keep hearing how much he is loved, but with always a positive attitude. The more smiles, hugs, and loving words he hears the better off he will be. If he hears the arguments, the disagreements any fighting, it will do him iirrefutableharm.
Make sure that you have an excellent lawyer on your side.
This child is the important element in this situation, please, please do everything you can to make him think that everything is o.k. and everybody, and I mean everybody, loves him.
Wow - this is a tough one. Assuming he knows what is going on I think I would say something like....It would be really nice if you could come home to our house right now. Unfortunately that isn't possible. That makes me sad and I am sure it makes you really sad too. We very much want you to live with us and we are working very hard on trying to make that happen but takes a long time. It can be really hard to wait for things but that's what we need to do. Your dad and I have asked the people who are working on this work really fast. Until we get the okay from the people in charge of where you live we will come and visit you as often as we can. You will live here with xxxx and xxxxx who love you a lot too and will take care of you. We love you, xxxxx and are working very hard to find a way for us to live together .....
Tell him the truth- that the people he lives with tried to adopt him when he wasnt legally available for adoption, and now they are being selfish. Tell him to tell them to let him go home. They are the ones living a lie and teaching him to lie. Tell him the truth- that his Daddy is fighting for him and he will be able to go home some day.