it's about how sometimes instead of holding it in you have to let your emotions and feelings out. I put it in a metaphorical way as best I could. What do you think? Constructive critisism is appreciated and anything that will help me get better. Heck, you can trash it and tell me how much you don't like it if you want.
The Flood
Attempting to hide the tears was as useless as my existence. The threat of a downpour due to my stubborn persistence.
At the peak of the thunder shadows will hide the valley’s true depth. Rolling and lurking towards my heart making my mind too inept.
Now let loose the anguish all the sorrow, all the pain. All the love I have for you All the clichés to my name.
Let it go like a flood to waste away the day. Because blue skies always cry eventually anyway
Anonymous2009-05-23T14:09:30Z
Favorite Answer
No offense, but it is pretty cliche. You should find better ways to describe what you want to say. Throw yourself into your poetry. By this i mean show us things that only you could see, smell, touch, hear etc... Your poem has a good tone, but i think that you should show us more instead of telling us. Most of your lines are cliche find another way to describe them and put yourself into your poem.
Make a poem that only you could have written.
You should trash my poem too: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ag551oNJL6lxYnQPAc3WaaDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090523133953AAF0wgJ
I loved this poem and think you have a good talent for writing poetry. I can really feel your hopelessness and pain. I wonder about your use of the word waste in the third to last line, because crying is so cleansing and not wasted energy in this case. I would use the word wash, waste stopped me a bit, made me question.
At the end of the third stanza I would say All the cliches remain. as I didn't understand the to my name part, maybe if I knew you I would.
Whether you change it or not, it's a good poem with very, very good metaphor and flow. The other thing I question but understand is in the second line...useless as my existence. I take this to mean that's how you feel in the moment.
Know that your existence is not useless, and especially not if you keep writing.
You are a good writer but the whole poem just kinda sits there. It doesnt do much for me. Though u have good ryhmes and metaphors i just feel its missing something. I just dont think its great maybe it needs to be longer and say more. I dont maybe i just dont like the negative hopelessness of it all. Maybe u need to say y and y its sad and it has to be this way. Hope i helped someway that makes u think of another solution.
This is a very good poem, well done with uses of metaphors and personification and other figurative language. You managed to include emotional and physical features of a flood.