Our neighbors have a little girl who likes to bully my daughter of the same age. "Jessica" says things such as "If you don't push me on the swing, you can't pet my puppy" or "If you don't pull me in your wagon, you can never come inside my house again." She's become quite nasty and my daughter no longer wants to play with her. Trouble is, Jessica's mother doesn't believe her daughter is to blame and is constantly wondering why she is being excluded from playdates. We have other neighborhood girls over without incident but when Jessica is included (and we've tried to include her) the fur flies. we've tried speaking with her mother about her behavior but she becomes very angry and defensive no matter how diplomatic we try to be. How would you handle this? I've told my daughter to politely turn down offers to play but its difficult as Jessica sees my daughter through the fence everyday. How do we deal with this child's mother? Should I ignore these neighbors? I hate not dealing with this!!!
Ista2009-07-17T17:28:29Z
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As for the quotes you provided as examples. There is a right answer to those remarks. Tell your little girl to agree with her. Say, "Okay." and walk away. As "Jessica" learns that this behavior doesn't get her the desired response, she'll have to learn a new way to interact with your daughter. One that hopefully isn't so rude.
If Jessica feels the need to go tattle over your daughter's new "attitude", let her. Simply explain, that your daughter is standing up for herself, and after all, one shouldn't interfer in children's squabbles.
You might try suggesting that since the girls have had so many problems that the only way Jessica can come over is to have her mother come also. Be very polite to her mom and stay within earshot of the two girls. Offer the mother coffee and engage in pleasant conversation. Instruct your daughter that if there are any problems she is to come to you and ask what to do because Jessica has said or done such and such.
Hopefully the mother will catch on. If not I suggest that you call Jessica to you and ask why (not if) she did whatever and wait for her response. Caution the two girls that you expect them to be nice and get along as well as you two moms are.
A lot of little kids are like that, I've seen a lot nastier than that. lol. It's a shame. and a crappy situation. If it was me, I would just explain to the mother that the reason Jessica is not invited to playdates is because she bully's the other children including your own and whenever you have approached her (the mother) about it she gets defensive and angry. Ultimately, if you don't want your daughter to play with her and your daughter doesn't want to play with her, then so be it. Oh well if she lives next door. I mean, it's uncomfortable but if the mother cared that much about her daughter being left out of playdates then she would work on changing Jessica's inappropriate behavior.
I think you're in an unfortunate situation but your daughter must come first. If your daughter doesn't want to play with her, then that's all there is to it. If the neighbors confront you about it, just explain to them that not all kids get along and your two daughters don't. It's as simple as that. It's obvious the parents aren't willing to see the problem so what else can you do.
Only way for this relationship to continue is for you and the girls mother to stand side by side and talk to the young girls togethor explaining that if they want to play togethor they need to get along and treat each other with respect. If the other mother does not want to do it . Tell her to not complain when her daughter is not included then! If she still does not relent i think a bit of adult bullying will fix her up.