Random Poem i made up.?

Question

I was bored so i made up a little poem. Im 13 so don't expect anything Awesome. Just if you have spare time, comment and tell me what y'all think :) Oh and if some bits in there don't make sense then sorry, i just use words that have a very specific meaning. If you get me :)

Heres the poem.

Angels watch Beyond the sky,
clouds will wander through the night.
The clock begins to chime its cold bells,
Floorboards creek below the stairwell.
Doors will open doors will Close,
Wind will cry from the coldness it flows.
Hell is awake, Hell is aware,
Night is the reason we all are scared.
Things unknown will lerk upon us,
Every step forward is a step of a curse.
Children's laughs turn into cry's,
As the Angel of Death looks into there eyes.
It watches for People, people alone,
No where is safe. Not even your home.


So thats the stupid poem. Its not gonna be used for anything so you dont need to tell me how to improve it :D . But if you feel you need to then thats cool. Well thanks for reading my poem. :)

Take Care

chlo_chlo · Accepted Answer

your really good at writing, and im a year older and i do that kind of stuff to, and they also tend to be good.
I don't know if you care, but if that's how you feel (which im guessing it is) you got to church, and your a strong believer. I think the church you go to is probably one of the stricter ones.  I also think that when you were younger -like a couple years ago- you were still afraid of th dark, and basements, and you probably are still a little bit. And i'm also gusseing you are frm around the really sothern part of the states do to your accent that i know you have from the use of your word ya'll. 
I like writting poetry to and i'm 14, but im also good at tell ing how people feel and that kind of stuff, at least so my friends tell me. But it would be awesome if you could add if i was right or not to your thing  but if you don't wan to i totaly understand.
anyways, keep writting poems, you git sime good skills.

? · Answer

you have a lot of grammatical mistakes which make the poem look like garbage. other than that though, it was alright. nothing great. sorry, just being honest.

oh sorry, i didn't realize you're 13. that's a good poem considering your age.

Katarina · Answer

I really like it!!!! You must have a lot more that you wrote! You sound like a natural. Maybe next time, try to make it rhyme a bit more. :)
Hope this helps!

born4theater · Answer

I really like it! It's deep, insightful, and dark! Good job!

dominy · Answer

i chucked on the final line, "they" set the guidelines no longer appropriate to you and me, for in mind's eye we can be something and unfastened,,,in darkest truths or the brightest ones lol,,,

Random Poem i made up.?

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