AP's, do you do anything "special" for your child's birthday?

We have 2 adopted foster daughters who came to us at 3 and 9 months old. They are half sisters (same mom) and the father of one is my half brother. They are 4 1/2 and 3 years old.

Every year we go to an amusement park and the beach as a celebration of their adoption days (they were on 8/29 and 9/2 so we have a combined family outing).

We have birthday parties for them too, of course! I was wondering if you do anything special as they get older and can understand more?
We don't have any information from their mother about their actual birthdays or any pictures from the hospital (as far as a story to tell) but I have thought about showing them pictures of them with their parents as newborns and talking about their weight and all that... something to recognize that they were born to someone else and also to talk about their mother in a good way (since the rest of the info isn't very good).

Of course we celebrate the day they were born, but it's THEIR day and has nothing really to do with us. I want to make it more about them, and not just with cake and presents!!

Does anyone have any ideas??

2010-03-13T05:40:03Z

I appreciate everyone's thoughts!! Yes, the family day for their adoptions is for ALL of us- they had a loss but I don't see anything wrong with celebrating the good that can come out of something bad. If they decide they don't want to do it, we will obviously stop. We have huge birthday parties for them all as well. They are always wanting to see their adoption pictures and asking questions about it- which I have answes for. I do feel bad that I don't have much info to tell them about their actual birthdays, which is why I was asking this question. They deserve to know the story of the day they were born and I can't give that- so I wanted to see if there were ideas about that.
Thanks

2010-03-13T14:53:06Z

Thanks everyone- We don't even call the anniversary anything... we just plan a family day and tell them that this was when they were adopted however many years ago and look at pictures- which they love, and they love asking questions about their adoptions, too. So a celebratory day is a way for them to ask questions in a positive light.
I have never used the term 'gotcha' in my life.

Anonymous2010-03-13T13:10:26Z

Favorite Answer

I think its great that you acknowledge their adoption and speak well of their mom. If my APs had allowed the same I think I would have been able to deal with it better. I don't see anything wrong with celebrating the day you became a family however I would call it something other than "adoption" or "gotcha" day as those words do tend to stir negative feelings with most adoptees especially when they get older. As for what to do when they are older, get your cues from them...they will let you know what they want or need at that time of their life. Some states do allow APs to get a child's non-id info when the child is under 18 (i'm not sure where u live), it might be something to look into as the hospital information is usually included in that (e.g. birth weight, time of birth, etc). I do have to agree with Miss Clover that we don't want to feel "special" but adoptees DO want to "belong" and I think having a family day would be a nice way to say "you belong here".

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Mr. Bauers2010-03-13T08:02:27Z

I am 21 years old and every single year I go home to my family and we go out to dinner at usually the same restaurant. Just to celebrate being a family. When I was little they would buy me a small gift or something and we would all just spend time together. Its not really a celebration, but more like family time.. something we don't get as much anymore.

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aloha.girl592010-03-12T19:51:13Z

I have one son whom I adopted from foster care when he was 2-1/2 years old. He's 9 now. His birthday is a big deal every year -- I'm like that about birthdays anyway. One year we went whale watching...another year I took him to Kona to swim with dolphins (we live on Kauai)...one year I had a surprise party for him. For his 9th birthday 2 months ago we were on Oahu and I took him to Chuck E. Cheese because we don't have one on our island and he hasn't been there since he was 4. He has loved all of the celebrations we've had and most years he has some input as to what he wants to do for his birthday. (A party at Pizza Hut and video games afterward was his idea when he was 7.)

We don't do "gotcha day." In fact, I hate that term. I have a friend who celebrates it with her six year old and I always wonder how HE feels about it. I remember the day I first met my son and some years I have even said, "It's the __th anniversary of the day I met you," but that's about it. "Gotcha day" is more about the adoptive parents than the child, so I skip it.

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?2010-03-12T22:55:53Z

We give my adopted daughter the same cake and ice cream and lots of presents birthday parites we give the other kids.

I wouldn't worry too much about hospital stories just now. Celebrate and have fun.

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Jennifer L2010-03-12T17:26:58Z

Well, we do birthday parties, the same as we did for our biological son. The children get to pick what they want to do for their party, within reason. (Sleepover, yes. Trip to San Diego for all their friends, not so much).

We did do something to mark the day that we became a family, but it wasn't a party. We went out to dinner as a family to someplace fun for the first couple years. But their interest in doing something like that is waning, so we haven't pushed it.

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