We did not receive an invitation in the mail, and we will not be able to make the wedding. It is a sibling of one of my wife's friends, but we never see them.
Traditionally, if I know someone, and they send me a wedding invitation, I would send them a gift. Does a Facebook invitation count? Alternatively, would it be offensive not to send a gift? How about a small gift?
monmichka
Favorite Answer
I would send them a note of congratulations via Facebook.
Anonymous
A gift is never mandatory even if you do attend a wedding. However, most everyone DOES bring a gift or give a card with money at a wedding. Obviously, if you were not invited to the wedding, there is no need for a gift. Whether you DO want to send one is totally up to you. Remember that this is your niece, and even though there is so much family drama, it isn't right to take it out on her. If you are wanting to be a nice aunt, then send her a gift. But do it with generosity and kindness, not like "well, even if you didn't invite me...I am still sending you a gift." Just give it (or don't) with no strings attached.
Erin
Actually, you are incorrect in thinking that you are obligated to send a gift if you receive an invitation but do not attend. Traditionally, the rules of etiquette require the invitees to give a gift only when they actually show up to the event. I've known quite a few bridezillas who chose to conveniently ignore this fact and, unfortunately, their guests had to shell out for a present that shouldn't have even been expected.
Apart from that, the Facebook invitation seems a bit lazy. I get that the Internet facilitates quick and easy communication, but it's my opinion that a formal event should have a formal invitation.
So to answer your questions: Yes, I suppose a Facebook invitation technically "counts", tacky though it may be. No, it is not offensive to not send a gift (it is, in fact, entirely appropriate). And no, don't let them milk your wallet for even a "small gift".
Scarlet MacBlu
In this situation, since you don't know the couple and can't attend the wedding I would say that you don't need to send a gift, but it would be nice to send a nice card (with or without a small gift card) wishing the couple well.
FaceBook invitations are still invitations, however rude they are to an event like a wedding. Remember that people in the midst of planning a wedding are often rude, but it can sometimes be excused by knowing what kind of pressure they are under right now with wedding plans and knowing that when they return to their polite selves after the wedding, rudeness in exchange for theirs will result in a grudge while graciousness in the face of their rudeness will likely have much better results.
-Scarlet
Hope
I think it would be fine not to send a gift. The reasons you stated were appropriate: a) Facebook invitation (very informal), b) sibling of your wife's friend (seems so far removed in terms of relationship) and c) you never see them. Your gift probably won't be expected or missed. Just write a "congratulations" in a comment box when they post pictures of the wedding, since your mode of communication is fb. Otherwise, I don't think you should feel obligated to send a gift. If you want to out of the kindness of your heart, then by all means, go for it. Just go to their gift registry and pick out a gift that's relatively inexpensive. But honestly, I personally wouldn't. I would just click on the "like" button after they write "We're married, hoooray!" in their status. It's a "virtual" response to a "virtual" invite.