All of a sudden my son thinks I'm not "cool" anymore; what happened?
Until recently, I was the most important person in my son's life, and always the one who he thought was the most fun to be around. I was the "cool" dad, the dad who took him to football games and let him sneak a sip of beer, the dad who he loved to play Xbox with, the dad all his friends said they wished they had as their father. I was the one who helped him get together the bloodiest, most gory Halloween costume, the dad who built a clubhouse for him and his friends, and the dad who, when my wife found a Playboy magazine under his mattress, instead of yelling at him, told him he would just have to find a better hiding place that his mother wouldn't find. Nearly four years ago, on my 40th birthday, I got a tattoo of his picture on my arm, and his response was, "Dad, that's awesome! Can I get a tattoo with your picture on it?" I was his hero.
Well, he is 15 now and all of that has changed. Now he doesn't want to play Xbox with me, and doesn't even want to be seen with me. For his birthday, I told him to pick any concert he wanted, and I'd buy the tickets. His face lit up and he got all excited, naming off different groups he'd like to see. I thought we would have one of our old times again, and I told him we'd have a blast, that I'd make it the best birthday ever for him. His face fell, and he said, "What? You're going?" I said yeah, of course, we'd have a great time. He said, "I don't want to go to a concert with my DAD!" I asked him why not, and he said I wasn't "cool." He said I'd embarrass him.
I reminded him that I was damn cool, that I was the dad that roared into the school parking lot blasting the Metallica, that I was the dad that could beat the other dads at poker, that I was the only dad who had shot an actual lion, years ago, in Africa. I reminded him that he had called me his hero, that he had written a school report that said, "My dad is the most awesome dad. He can kick @ss." I reminded him that I was the dad who, when there was a blackout and the neighbours came over, he had assured would protect everyone from any burglars coming around in the dark. I reminded him that I was the dad who always got compared to the WWE's Bill Goldberg.
My son just looked up and said, "Dad, that's just some old guy....like you."
I felt myself age ten years in that one moment. I didn't know what to say, and I damn sure wasn't going to cry in front of my son, so I just walked away. Last night, I just sat in the living room in the dark, and felt like the most worthless piece of garbage. Whatever I had tried, whatever father I have worked to be, I've just failed. My son doesn't view me as a hero, or maybe he did before, but just sees me now as I am: a big, dumb middle-aged man. Someone definitely not "cool."
So that's it, I'm not "cool." Where did I go wrong? Is this how it's going to be from now on? What in the world happened? How did I go from being a hero to being a jerk?