All of a sudden my son thinks I'm not "cool" anymore; what happened?

Question

Until recently, I was the most important person in my son's life, and always the one who he thought was the most fun to be around.  I was the "cool" dad, the dad who took him to football games and let him sneak a sip of beer, the dad who he loved to play Xbox with, the dad all his friends said they wished they had as their father.  I was the one who helped him get together the bloodiest, most gory Halloween costume, the dad who built a clubhouse for him and his friends, and the dad who, when my wife found a Playboy magazine under his mattress, instead of yelling at him, told him he would just have to find a better hiding place that his mother wouldn't find.  Nearly four years ago, on my 40th birthday, I got a tattoo of his picture on my arm, and his response was, "Dad, that's awesome!  Can I get a tattoo with your picture on it?"  I was his hero.

Well, he is 15 now and all of that has changed.  Now he doesn't want to play Xbox with me, and doesn't even want to be seen with me.  For his birthday, I told him to pick any concert he wanted, and I'd buy the tickets.  His face lit up and he got all excited, naming off different groups he'd like to see.  I thought we would have one of our old times again, and I told him we'd have a blast, that I'd make it the best birthday ever for him.  His face fell, and he said, "What?  You're going?"  I said yeah, of course, we'd have a great time.  He said, "I don't want to go to a concert with my DAD!"  I asked him why not, and he said I wasn't "cool."  He said I'd embarrass him.

I reminded him that I was damn cool, that I was the dad that roared into the school parking lot blasting the Metallica, that I was the dad that could beat the other dads at poker, that I was the only dad who had shot an actual lion, years ago, in Africa.  I reminded him that he had called me his hero, that he had written a school report that said, "My dad is the most awesome dad.  He can kick @ss."  I reminded him that I was the dad who, when there was a blackout and the neighbours came over, he had assured would protect everyone from any burglars coming around in the dark.  I reminded him that I was the dad who always got compared to the WWE's Bill Goldberg.

My son just looked up and said, "Dad, that's just some old guy....like you."

I felt myself age ten years in that one moment.  I didn't know what to say, and I damn sure wasn't going to cry in front of my son, so I just walked away.  Last night, I just sat in the living room in the dark, and felt like the most worthless piece of garbage.  Whatever I had tried, whatever father I have worked to be, I've just failed.  My son doesn't view me as a hero, or maybe he did before, but just sees me now as I am: a big, dumb middle-aged man.  Someone definitely not "cool."

So that's it, I'm not "cool."  Where did I go wrong?  Is this how it's going to be from now on?  What in the world happened?  How did I go from being a hero to being a jerk?

/&#92; · Accepted Answer

Man, I miss my sons.

I think I need a little Kahlua in my coffee this morning..

muslimscum · Answer

No you're NOT cool. Just the fact that u make such a bug deal of it and use the word "cool" too many times tell me ur really just an old goof. And then add the fact that u seem to have forgot what YOU were like at that age...ALL UN-COOL. What did you "roar" into the school lot in while blaring Metallica? A Prius? Probably. Every cool person I have ever met never even used the word cool, they just are. Of course every child thinks daddy is cool, my kids thought I spun the world when they were kids. Dude, yer an old geeky dork, deal with it.
When he realizes he ain't cool either in a few years(takes after dad) you two can be un-cool together. Until then why don't you learn to screw an old 'big block Cuda' together and an old 'pan or shovel' to go with it. (Google them) When he does come around you might  have a shred of real cool to show and he will be pissed that he found his lost friends hanging out with you.

Aussie Sheila · Answer

He's just hit the teenage years when anything to do with a parent is seen as "uncool."  I think you're very lucky that your son was happy to be around you for so many years. Mine doesn't even bother saying goodbye to me anymore when he leaves the house for school and he's only 9.

Just remember that your son is trying to work out where exactly he fits into the world. This doesn't mean he loves you any less; it's just that he's looking into the future and you want things to stay like they were in the past, which is understandable but not fair on your son.

Allow him to grow and always be there for him. In time, you guys will be best friends and the relationship will change direction again. And when he's older he'll be able to look back and remember all the wonderful times you two had together and how "cool" his dad was. You never know. You may be the "coolest" grandfather in the world by then.

Ashlynn · Answer

He's becoming a teenager, things like this are going to happen on numerous occasions. Don't take offense to any of his comments, his hormones are racing at 100 miles an hour, and he doesn't know the difference between when you're try to be 'cool' and a father. Try working on being a father, and not trying so hard to be his friend. Start telling him firmly your wishes, not just trying to compromise with bribes to get through to him. When he's older and high school peer pressure has passed, he'll come to realize that having you as a dad is one of the best things that's ever happened in his life. Friends will come, friends will go, but you'll always will be the one that sticks.

Don't worry, this is all normal. Teenagers go through multiple phases, and some of the them last longer than most.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm 15 myself, almost 16, and I can tell you that it's just a stage that basically every teen experiences through puberty. I've been through it, some of my friends are going through it and it's completely normal. As you get to high school, things begin to change. There's this sudden pressure of being 'cool'. Now 'teen cool' can be interpreted as doing whatever the hell you want whenever, wherever. You have no parents to control you and you're independent. 

I used to look up to my mom before but when I was around 14 it was really different. I would never go anywhere outside of my house with her because I was embarrassed to be seen with my mom. It's not that my mom was embarrassing, it was just the fact that everyone, especially the ''cool' kids, had their own friends and can hang out with them without any parental control. It's actually kind of stupid but that's how school is. Now I've grown out of it, I hang out with my mom all the time and a lot of my friends tell me that I shouldn't but who cares, I can do whatever I want. 

Your son is still maturing and there will be a lot of pressures coming from school and friends. It's normal but everyone grows out of it, some take longer than others but it does happen. I can tell you that you're still his hero but he's way too caught up with fitting in and being 'cool' that he's hurting you without even realizing it, just like I did with my mom. You're a really cool dad, I wish my dad was like you lol, and your son knows that. Once he's matured, he'll realize how amazing you are. He'll look up to you because at one stage in his life, being 'cool' won't even matter anymore. All I can say is wait and good luck! :)

David D · Answer

Totally normal and this has nothing to do with YOU per se. You're still an uber cool guy by the sound of it, but your son is exerting his "self" at this age. He's going through a process of becoming a man and one of the aspects to that is being independent. There's nothing more childish than seeming dependent on your parent. Even if he's "seen" with you hanging out that's enough to seem like a kid again, and that's the last thing he wants. This will get better once he goes to college and comes to terms with you as a friend and father and less of a "dad" if that makes sense.

Anonymous · Answer

Hello.

He's now a teenager that Is probably It.
And hanging out with your parents when you're a teenager Isn't that cool. Like It use to be. He still loves you but he doesn't want to do these things anymore since he Is now a teenager. You can try talking to him. OR you can become a boring dad and once he realises that you have changed..He'll miss you.
Make him need you. =) show your son that you still love him no matter what. Because he probably still loves you..He just doesn't want to show It.

London Lights · Answer

Answer: He grew up! It happens to every teenager. There's a time when a teen doesn't think of their parent as cool or their hero anymore. It's perfectly normal. In fact, if he still thought you were cool at 15 years of age that's when you would start to worry. So don't feel bad. It happens to every parent.

semi enlightened · Answer

(((((((((((((((((( Jack )))))))))))))))))))))))))) 
I have no comment on your question 
but Isnt it a blessing to have you here at Yahoo Answers?  How true you are with your feelings and how eager you are to share the truth and how sensitive you are with the world around. I dont know what is wrong but I do that that you are right and a great friend and a great blessing.  Friend, you have much to share with the world. I hope when you read these words, healing decends from the skies and passes your back, balancing your chakras and the light within you. Clearing all blocks within your body and white light leaving through your feet. This healing light is now circling in your lower back , faster and faster , vibrating higher and higher, getting ready to move all across your body, healing every part and removing all blocks. This white light carries alot of healing and love. Getting your rejuvenated as the brightness appears on your skin and the long lost smile is back. If you see yourself in the mirror now, the young jack is shining with light. Thats the real you Jack, the one that shall always be in our hearts. Peace, Love and Blessings!

Anonymous · Answer

aw :( that actually made me shed a tear. i guess its cuz me and my dad are going through a similar situation, so i can relate except through a kid's point of veiw. its just a apart of growing up. but dont take it personally, hes just going through an awkward stage in his life. society makes it seem like hanging out with parents at that age isnt cool. but your still his hero. hes just trying to be cool and not show it anymore. give it time and patience, and oneday he will realize your the hero that his little boy self used to adore, and ur relationship will be restored.

partdopy · Answer

Yeah, that will happen.  Give it a few years, once he is done with HS and in the real world you will seem a lot cooler.  

Most kids go through stages where parents are lame, and 15 is about right.  Who did you want to hang out with at 15?

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All of a sudden my son thinks I'm not "cool" anymore; what happened?

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