Thus past Saturday I made an elaborate surprise dinner for my children as my daughter was home for her fall break and I had custody of my son that evening. However, my daughter returned to school that evening, and my son asked if he could go be with his friends. Despite their guilt driven offers to stay I let them do their own thing.
Following both of their leaves, my ex-husband arrived to return my son's school uniform he left behind at his fathers. Not wanting all the food to go to waste, I offered my ex-husband to dine with me, he accepted. What I thought would be a casual meal turned into a 5 hour talk. We ate, drank wine, listened to music and relived fond memories.
After it all when I went to walk him out we share a brief sententiously tender moment, but nothing happened. Since the evening's event I cannot stop thinking about my ex-husband. We were married for 12 years and now divorced for 9. I was briefly re-married but my second husband passed away, and frankly just the evening alone has made me think that maybe there is a future for my ex-husband and I.
I only say this because he has twice since our divorce pleaded with me to give us a second chance but I always thought it was futile as it is highly uncommon things work the second time around. Yet there is this maturity to him now that wasn't there 9 years ago. I have no idea how to approach these feelings or the situation... I don't want to make something out of nothing but what do I do?
LolaCorolla2011-10-17T14:04:39Z
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You need to tread very carefully here. Not only for your, but for your ex-husband's sake as well. You were already disheartened by the selfish acts of your children (I hope you don't mind my saying so...) your ex shows up unplanned (I'm assuming)...and a wonderful evening ensues between the two of you. I have no doubt of what your ex-husand's feelings were during this time...it's YOUR feelings that I'm asking you to ruminate on. I also think it's entirely possible to have a second chance, but only if your feelings really were those of tenderness towards your ex, rather than simply a welcome respite from your disappointment in your children. I also believe that neither of you are the people you were 9 years ago...which in this case, may be a very good thing.
It sounds to me more like you're attempting to make nothing out of something...which could turn out to be a much bigger tragedy than making something out of nothing. I do think that if, after a solid week, you still cannot get him out of your mind...there just may be something to it. Why not find out what that is? I say invite him to dinner again. You already know he's still willing...I just wouldn't want you breaking HIS heart again...you sound like the kind of person who would take THAT even harder than having your own broken again...
EDIT: After seeing the answers regarding your many personas...I checked profile and sure enough...you ARE a soul-less cockroach who exploits others' good will for your own entertainment. I also noticed that most of the questions you answered were about soap operas...I suggest you stick to them for your fantasy scenarios from now on...
I would advise you to suggest that the two of you go to counseling, if he wants to consider a second chance. You need to have someone who can stand back and look at the situation objectively listen to the both of you. Why were you divorced in the first place? I think you're lonely and were feeling vulnerable because you were disappointed that your children had left. You have to consider that both of you are bringing baggage to the table. How would your children feel about this? Just because there seems be be maturity in him that wasn't present 9 years ago doesn't mean there really is anything different about his character. A person is what he is. He may present a slightly different package on the outside, but the inside is what counts. Sit down and make a list of the pros and cons about him. Go to counseling, and listen to what the counselor has to say.
Spending 5 pleasant hours with an ex and hungering for more sounds like a plausible reason to be interested in exploring the possibilities. I doubt I could survive 5 minutes with my ex. I'd suggest you feel out the children on this and listen carefully to what they think. Don't get their hopes up too high until you're sure of what your ex has in mind. Good Luck and I think I envy you.
Oh, poor baby. I don't know if you are a believer in Christ or not, but if you are then pray and ask Him to guide you. Follow that peace that goes with whatever answer you're looking for. You'll know if it's right or not. Those "uncommon" things that you speak of can be worked out since you both are more mature now. They won't seem so important when love is the foundation of a relationship. Listen, there is nothing wrong with going back to your first husband if you believe it will work out this time. Though, I'd hate for you to be hurt again. Sounds like he hasn't given up on you and you sound like you are realizing that he really does care for you. It is wonderful to be with a person who loves you enough to wait for you. Blessings to you. :)
You write a good letter, excellent in fact. The suggestion to ask the children and folk who knew you as a couple would be the best advice. If you are happy single, I would think hard about rocking the boat.