A relative of mine, an adult of 35 years old, became addicted to drugs and stole his elderly grandmother's heirloom wedding rings and other jewelry, which was sold to a pawn shop. We were able to independently verify that he did in fact steal the items. He is now "supposedly" off drugs. He refuses to acknowledge that he stole the jewelery and has denied it when directly confronted. The issue is now ignored and we go about holidays as if it never happened. Should this person be excluded from family functions until he owns up to what he did?
Anonymous2011-11-28T22:17:45Z
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Put one of those exploding dye packs in with your valuables like banks do.
Maybe you all should ask the victim (grandmother) whether she prefers to have him visit the family events that she also attends. She's the one with the most obvious cause to be uncomfortable with him.
If she could not get her jewelry back, then she should ask for money compensation. If he fails to compensate, she should sue him in small claims court, but maybe she is too old to undertake that action.
Probably the rest of the family should not get involved in that business, because it didn't affect them.
However, his denial about the stealing suggests that he should not be trusted at all. For the other family functions, consider whether inviting him would bring him into a space, like somebody's home, where he could steal more easily. He should be excluded from those family functions where there are valuables and he cannot/won't be monitored.
If this relative was truly "off the drugs" then he would be able to confess to this and admit that he did it. That he still denies it tells me that he can not be true to his family and therefore can not be true to himself. Chances are slim that he no longer has an addiction problem because denial is the first defense of any junkie.
Unless you want to lock up all valuables in your house... don't invite him.
Part of the rehabilitation process is to come clear with ones past deeds and crimes. Grandma is probably covering for her son. They will always do that because their children can do no wrong. Your dilemma is that you will hurt her feelings when you exclude that relative from family functions.
That is what you and the other family members need to evaluate: Do you do the right thing and kick him to the curb or do you be considerate of her feelings and pretend nothing happened?
I would exclude him until he retrieves his grandmother's jewelry, and even then if he is allowed back in keep a close eye on him. Once an addict resorts to stealing from family, there is nothing they won't steal.
Have him arrested immediately. We have a 37 year old son who stole over $200,000 over 10 years. Every time we caught him, my wife begged me not to go the police and like a fool I listened to her. We had to take out a 10 year loan and pledge our savings account. It was just paid off last week. Make sure they put their name on fraud alert through Trans Union Fraud Dept. The toll free # is 1-800-680-7289.