Should I Tell My Boyfriend I've been cheating on him? Do you think he'll leave me?

I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 years and we live together now, we mostly been really happy but we've had ups and downs in our relationship, he's 34 years old and I'm 32 by the way. For the past few months I've been cheating on him with a guy that's 25 years old, I don't know why I did it, I mean I love him but he's changed so much than when I first fell in love with him.

The reason we have grown apart is that he is a workaholic, he spends all day in his office and when he gets home he does the same annoying thing every night, he sits down and watches TV for an hour while drinking a vodka tonic and smoking a cigarette and during this time he just ignores me and tells me he is tired and then he just goes to bed and we rarely have sex anymore! all he cares about is work! even on his days off he is on his computer working and looking at his investments, and he has become sooooo greedy! all he cares about is making more and more money and the sad part is that he doesn't even enjoy it, he barely drives his really nice car because he is always at the office and the only things he buys are suits for work! its ridiculous, he hasn't taken a vacation in over 3 years! and last year when I told him i really wanted to go on vacation to Hawaii he didn't want to because he said he needed to work, and he ended up sending me to Hawaii by myself! this is what I've had to live with now, and the worst part is that I don't currently work so I just sit at home all day by myself and can't find anything to do. So I started cheating on him because I wanted to have fun again, I know it's wrong but I just couldnt take it to feel so shut out by him anymore. I mean we bought our new house about a year ago and I wanted it to have a swimming pool so we could swim in it and relax, so we bought it and he has barely even gone in the swimming pool!!!! when he's at home he's always in his home "office" and everytime I go in there he tells me he's busy.

Anyway what should I do? I'm starting to feel really guilty about cheating on him but I don't know if I should tell him or not or if I should stop, I mean if I did tell him he wouldn't have a right to me mad because about 5 years ago he had a one-night stand with a woman he met at a bar and he told me and I forgave him. So he should extend the same courtesy to me.

Oh one more thing and this one is bad, I've been wanting to get married for years now, and he doesn't want to, he says he doesn't believe in marriage and that living together and him supporting me is enough, he did say he would have kids, but now I don't know if I want to because he would probably ignore them.

So what is your advice? what should I do here?

Jack2012-01-30T00:43:16Z

Favorite Answer

How childish. "He owes me because he did something stupid."

You punched me, so I get to punch you. You hurt me, so I get to hurt you.

Revenge...and you wonder if you should tell your boyfriend?

Your motive should not be revenge. Your motive should be genuine respect for him and hopefully love as well.

But if you are going for revenge, then you have already killed the relationship. It just doesn't work.

Have you considered mental health? Depression is real and treatable. Have you considered personal or couples counseling? It probably won't hurt a good relationship, and it will likely help a bad relationship.

Communication and honesty are important. Some things are better left alone. If a man or a woman commits adultery and gets away with it, then it benefits nobody to learn the truth 40 or 50 years later. It will only hurt your spouse.

In contrast, if it is fairly recent it is an indication of a current problem that needs attention.

I strongly recommend couples counseling.

You have to decide what kind of a relationship you want. You have to decide to communicate that with him. You have to decide what your priorities and values are. You have to decide what sacrifices you are willing to make.

And you have to communicate these things in a meaningful manner while allowing him to make the same decisions.

Get professional help. Don't get divorce counseling. Get couples/marriage counseling. There is a difference. True, your relationship might not last. But it should not be because of bad advice.

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starfishmail002012-01-29T22:56:49Z

It's true what they say. Two wrongs definitely don't make a right. It sounds to me, and others as well, that there is a cycle of cheating going on here. It can only snowball and get worse unless broken. I don't think it's right to be cheating on one another. Keeping it to yourself will only make matters worse in the long haul.

Maybe you should take time out for yourself, to figure out what you really want. It sounds like the two of you don't want the same things. Do some soul searching. Be honest with yourself about what you really want and not focusing so much on how to keep him if it's not what you really want or need.

If it's meant to be, it will happen. Things will either sort themselves out or you'll begin again with someone new.

Hope this helps.

10

Bobby B2012-01-29T22:51:23Z

If a friend of yours gave you this much information about a relationship that didn't seem to be working out, what advice would you give her? Don't you want a real life with dinners, conversations, walks in the park, and intimate contact? Don't you want to plan a vacation with someone who wants to be with you and travel to a wonderful place? It need not be an expensive trip, just a chance to be together. Where are you going to be five, ten years from now is you stay in this relationship. Good luck in the future.

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NONAME2012-01-29T22:47:53Z

tell him, dont tell him it doesnt really matter. all that matters is that you had fun even if it was just for a few months,

now you could look at this either way.

either you could consider what he's doing to your personal life (no fun, no marriage, no kids)
or
you could look at what he's done for you, he works his *** off to support you, why would he do this if he didnt care about you, maybe this is his way of showing you how much he wants you around, even if he doesnt pay much attention to you,

this work thing is definately a problem, but nothing you can't work around, and if i had to choose one, i'd say dont tell him, your relationship still has a chance and telling him that youve been cheating will only ruin it.

hang in there, things could change at any time

11

Anonymous2012-01-29T22:47:46Z

Stop the cheating, even if he is ignoring you the first step is to stop cheating, take a step back and look at your life do you really want to be the miserable trophy GIRLFRIEND? you guys need to have a long talk and come clean about the cheating just not how many times you did it, if you guys love each other you can make it work :)

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